Rediscovering Teresa
by hardly loquacious
Summary: Lisbon's been feeling depressed lately. She gets a few unexpected visitors to help her find herself. A Mentalist-style adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, minus all references to Christmas. Set between S2 and S3 with spoilers for 3.01
1. Chapter 1

Written for the Jello-Forever Big Bang. Here it is, my monster fic. Thanks so much **AlamoGirl** for the wonderful beta, and for listening to me whine about this thing for literally months. Thanks to kathiann for her enthusiastic cheerleading and to my wonderful artists. And lastly, thanks to my perpetual fic cheerleaders, yaba and spyglass, who also encouraged me for months.

I hope you guys enjoy this. I'll put up chapters relatively quickly. And I had tremendous fun writing it.

xxxxx

Rediscovering Teresa

or

How Lisbon got her Groove Back

xxxxx

"We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden"

-Johan Woflgang Von Goethe

xxxxx

Teresa Lisbon stormed out of the local police station.

No one got in her way. Even though at least three quarters of the people in the room didn`t know her, it was obvious that the furious looking brunette wasn`t someone that you got in the way of.

She didn`t slow down until she felt fresh air on her face. Taking three deep breaths Lisbon tried to get her temper under control.

He'd manipulated her. He'd deliberately and knowingly manipulated her. And yeah, okay, that was pretty much par for the course with Jane some days, and yeah, she should be used to it by now, but this time he'd gone too far.

Maybe her anger would surprise him, but she didn't care. Because this time his stupidity hadn't just affected her, hadn't even been limited to just the team or the killer either. Okay, the criminal was involved, but so were the _victims_. This time Jane had involved the murdered woman's family in his insanity.

In Lisbon's mind that took everything too far.

The CBI was supposed to be trying to protect those affected by violent crimes, not exposing them to more pain.

And now she wanted nothing more than to yell at him until a fraction of the things she was saying actually permeated his thick skull. Well, either that or find a local gym and use him as a sparring partner. And since Jane had all the hand-to-hand training of a three-toed sloth, she was using the term 'partner' loosely. Really she meant 'punching bag.'

The overwhelming frustration was not an unfamiliar feeling by any means, but it was one that Lisbon'd been experiencing more and more frequently. She didn't know what to do about it. Jane seemed to be getting more and more outrageous, sometimes for no good reason. Most of the time, her team seemed to go along with him. She supposed it was because she didn't put a stop to it, either because she couldn't be bothered or because she didn't know how. But how could she stop the insanity? Nothing she did seemed particularly effective. Jane never even apologized, just brushed off her concerns with a wave of his hand. She'd gotten so tired of yelling at him and trying to make him change. He clearly had no intention of actually doing so. And the fact that members of her team seemed to back him up just irritated her further.

She hoped this particular debacle didn't get back to her boss. A victim's family caught in the crossfire of one of Jane's little traps might be one of the things that set Hightower on a rampage and landed Lisbon with another suspension. But then she couldn't be sure. It was always hard to tell which way her boss was going to come down on any particular issue. Well, other than Jane equals good, solved cases equals better… any mess equals Lisbon's job.

Which was tiring; there was always a mess. And she was so sick of being diplomatic and cleaning it up.

Well not today. Jane could figure his own way out of this one, damn the consequences.

Except that Jane couldn't do that, because Lisbon would bet everything she owned that at that very moment Jane was chasing after her in order to ask why she was so upset. Because really, what possible reason could she have to be annoyed with him?

As if on cue she heard the sound of someone jogging up behind her.

"Left the room a little quickly there Lisbon, don't you think?" Jane asked. "I'm surprised; the victim's family wants to talk to you."

She whirled on him. "Oh do they?" she snapped. "That's a shock. And what exactly am I supposed to tell them Jane? What would you like me to say? 'Sorry we had to put you through even more hell after what has probably been the worst week of your life, what with the loved one being murdered and then my telling you she was an embezzler and a fraud. But hey, we caught the killer so I'm sure you'll get over it.'"

"Well that seems a bit harsh," Jane admitted with a shrug. "But if you want to go with blunt then what about, 'Okay we lied, but we did catch your mother's killer and in the end isn't that all that matters?'" Jane suggested. His version may have been just as blunt as hers was, but it somehow seemed a little less likely to make the family angrier than they already were. It also struck him that it probably wasn't a good sign when his suggestion was the more tactful of the two.

"Yeah, that sort of logic may work with Hightower, Jane," Lisbon bit out. "But I think you'll find that people who are emotionally involved won't give a damn that lying to them helped catch a killer. They're just hurt and angry. We're the CBI, we're supposed to be the ones who come in and fix things! And we're supposed to be reasonably sensitive. It's why we get all the high profile cases in the first place!"

"This one wasn't particularly high profile," Jane couldn't help reminding her.

"Thank god," Lisbon muttered. If it had been she'd have been fired for sure. Oh lord, what if Jane had managed to trick her into telling a politician or an important businessman that their deceased family member was a crook?

"We _did_ catch their mother's killer," Jane pointed out a second time. "Maybe the family just wants to thank you."

"Hah," Lisbon scoffed. She'd seen the family from across the room just before she'd stormed out. They hadn't been coming over to _thank_ her.

"It's possible," Jane told her. It wasn't _likely_, but there was always an outside chance he'd read the situation wrong and the husband wasn't coming over to make the usual litany of threats in Jane's general direction, followed by a demand to speak to someone's superior, all done with as much bluster and pompousness as possible obviously.

"It's not," Lisbon disagreed. "I wouldn't be thanking me if I was in their shoes," Lisbon said. "I'd want to kill me if I was them."

Jane looked shocked at that suggestion. He honestly hadn't been expecting her to react so strongly to his little plan. Usually she was reasonably easygoing about his little tricks. Especially recently. But maybe that was the problem. She'd been too subdued. The frustration had just been bubbling up inside of her and now she'd finally exploded. "Lisbon..." he said, suddenly worried.

But Lisbon didn't want to hear what was almost certain to be Patrick Jane's opinion on her current mental state. And she didn't want to watch him attempt to feign concern. Probably easier to just explain why she was mad in the first place since her reasons obviously hadn't occurred to him. Then he might leave her alone. "Jane, we've just tainted their last memories of their family member," she told him scathingly.

"But they have a lifetime of good memories," Jane reminded her. "And their last memory can now be knowing that justice was done."

Lisbon sighed, deciding to just skip pointing out the irony of Patrick Jane advocating forgetting your final painful memory of a person and taking comfort in justice being served. "Jane, sometimes the thing a police officer says to the victim's family is one of the last memories they have to associate with that person," she snapped. "And now Mrs. Cosgrove's family is going to remember that I told them she might have been involved in fraud and money laundering because you thought it would be a quick and easy way to weed out the real killer. Don't you get that? I'm forever going to be the cop who used their grief to solve a case," she exclaimed, finding that she was getting angry all over again just thinking about it. Really angry. "How would you..." she started to ask.

"How would I what?" he repeated when she didn't finish the question.

"Nothing," she muttered, glad she'd stopped herself just in time.

"No, say it," he prodded.

"No," she said with a shake of her head.

"It's obvious that you want to," he replied.

"I don't," she insisted. "Which is why I didn't say it."

"Fine," Jane replied. "Then I'll say it. How would I like it if the police investigating my family's death had done something similar to me? What if they'd told me my wife had died because of something she'd been involved in just to see how I'd react?"

"Jane," Lisbon said tiredly.

"No, it's a fair point Lisbon," he admitted with a nod. "I'll have to think about that. I imagine I'd be furious, and take some sort of appropriate revenge. Of course I would point out that in this case one member of the family was actually guilty. It's not like they were all babes in the woods, snowy white and pure. If Neil Cosgrove had come forward about his role in his mother's murder then I wouldn't have had to put his whole family through what I did. And he _was_ guilty of murder after all Lisbon."

"Yeah, but his entire family wasn't," Lisbon pointed out caustically.

"Well, no," Jane admitted. "But I'm sure that when they look back on this they won't remember that you misled them," he assured her. "They'll remember that you put their family member's killer behind bars."

Lisbon scoffed. "Yeah," she said sarcastically. "Plus I locked up another one of the family members. But you're right. I'm _sure_ they won't remember a single thing I said to them. Things that I only said because _you_ lied to me and told me they were true, after planting fake evidence in the victim's house."

Jane paused, watching her face. Yes, he'd lied to her. But he doubted she'd have gone along with the plan if he'd told the truth, a conclusion her current reaction firmly supported. Besides, he'd wanted her reaction to be genuine. Still, she was really, really angry. He went over what she'd already said in his head. "Do you remember what the police officers said to you?" he asked after a moment.

Lisbon turned confused. "What?"

"When your mother died, or was it your father?" he asked slowly. "Which police officers do you remember? Which ones affected you so much?"

She flinched, and then her face hardened. "Drop it Jane."

"Lisbon I'm not..." Jane started to explain.

"I said drop it," she snapped.

Angry all over again, Lisbon huffed in irritation. "I'm going back to the hotel," she bit out. "You'll have to catch a ride with Cho."

She walked to the SUV as fast as she could without actually running. She knew leaving Jane behind was petty, but she didn't care. She couldn't deal with him at the moment.

Besides, as always, he was _right. _All she could think about was the fact that after her father killed himself the officer in charge of the investigation had pushed a cup of hot tea into her hands, sincerely apologized for her loss, told her what happened and then assured her that she and her family would get through it. Because her brothers needed her, she was tough, and she could do this. And then the woman had slipped the cards for various local support groups into her hands.

She remembered everything that had happened that day and those last thirty seconds with that female officer had been the only moment where she felt like things might be even a little bit okay. Now, whenever she could Lisbon tried to be that moment for the grieving family members. Or at least to try not to add to their grief.

Today she'd left Mrs. Cosgrove's family with a sense of fear and betrayal.

Jane solved cases, but she always had to remember that he'd lie and cheat his way through basically anything to get what he wanted, which was generally the craziest possible solution to any problem.

She knew him. But he knew her too. Knew her too well. He knew that if he talked to her in that charming voice of his sometimes she'd forgot that she couldn't trust him. She forgot that she probably didn't mean anything at all to him, and she forgot that once he got caught up in his plans he'd forget to consider anyone else's opinion on the matter, let alone hers.

To top it off, each time that happened, Lisbon knew she'd have to pick herself up off the ground. No one else was about to do it.

Lisbon smacked the steering wheel of her SUV. She didn't trust one of the members of her own team. Great.

Jane might say she trusted none of them, but that wasn't true. She trusted the others, most of the time. And she also tended to know when she couldn't trust them. With Jane (except for the obvious scenario) it was unpredictable. She just got continuously blindsided by his insanity.

Not that there was anything she could do about it.

xxxxx

About an hour later Lisbon had changed into more casual clothes. Technically the case was closed. She'd checked in with her team. Apparently after she'd stalked out of the precinct Rigsby had gone to talk to the victim's family.

Lisbon'd breathed a sigh of relief when she heard that. Van Pelt could be too understanding sometimes while Cho would be completely tactless. Rigsby was the best of the three at dealing with the families. Apparently her team wisely hadn't let Jane get anywhere near the grieving family again. Which was good.

The case may have been closed, but Lisbon didn't feel like driving back to Sacramento in the dark. So she'd decided that they'd stay in the local hotel for one more night and head out in the morning. Lisbon idly flipped through the hotel brochure and toyed with the idea of ordering room service. Or baring that, maybe just pizza. She wasn't in the mood to go out at all.

Clearly that thought was a cue for a knock on her door.

Lisbon groaned. She knew exactly who this was going to be.

"Hello Jane," she said slowly as she opened the door halfway.

"Hello Lisbon!" he replied considerably more cheerfully.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab some dinner," he told her. "I was thinking about what you said, and you're right, I probably shouldn't have done what I did and it was never my intention to make you upset or uncomfortable. Why don't you let me make it up to you? I heard that there's a restaurant not far from here that you'll really like, but I can't tell you anything else about it other than that because I want it to be a surprise," he explained brightly.

Lisbon sighed mentally. Great. Now Jane was going to behave like a child goading her to go out and get dinner with him while he entertained her with some sort of nonsense when all she wanted to do was curl up in bed with a pizza. She smiled slightly at him, determined to at least be polite. "Y'know Jane, I'm actually really tired so I just thought I'd get something in my room. But thanks for the invitation. I'm sure the rest of the team's still around if you're looking for company though."

Jane looked crestfallen. "Come on Lisbon," he wheedled. "I don't want to get dinner with the others. I want to get dinner with _you_. It'll be good for you, better than spending your evening cooped up in here alone. We could talk. I know something's wrong. And I'm, well, I'm willing to listen. If you want."

"Sorry Jane," she repeated. "Not tonight."

"Lisbon..."

"Jane, just go," she told him, finally giving up the pretence of good humour. "I'm off duty. I'm tired. You're not my responsibility anymore. We closed the case; I know why you did what you did. I don't know why I was even surprised about it. Luckily it doesn't look like the family's going to sue the CBI or complain or anything, so hey, you're off the hook. You don't need to take me to dinner."

"I wasn't going to take you to dinner just so you wouldn't be mad at me," Jane told her. "I want to..."

"Maybe another time," Lisbon interrupted. "I really am tired."

"Okay," he said after a second, his tone now overly bright. "Another time," he promised. "I hope you feel better soon."

"Goodnight," she said, before practically shutting the door in his face.

Yeah, maybe she'd been a bit harsh, but when they were on the road she had to deal with that man for at least sixteen hours a day for a minimum of three days. She was tired, she was still cranky and she just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?

xxxxx

In the next room Jane was pacing around the bed in distraction. Lisbon appeared to be genuinely annoyed with him. And this wasn't in an "I'm annoyed with you because when we get back to the CBI Hightower's going to call me into her office to have a discussion" kind of a way. It definitely wasn't in an "I'm not really annoyed with you but I'm going to pretend I am because I feel like you deserve it" kind of a way. It also wasn't in a "Something else is going on in my life that is making me unhappy and so I'm in no mood to put up with any of your nonsense Jane" kind of a way, though he suspected that elements of the last one were involved.

Jane wasn't a doctor or anything, but if he had to guess he'd say that Teresa Lisbon was hovering around the edge of depression, had been for months now.

He frowned.

He supposed she had reason to be. After all, her job was hard. She chased down killers all day, got shot at and threatened. She'd lost people she was close to, was trying (and so far failing) to find a notorious serial killer. Her boss was always breathing down her neck, and then there was all the public relations stuff. In Jane's opinion that was almost the worst. He'd rather get punched in the nose than have to deal with a self-important politician.

Which was why it was such a good division of labour that he got repeatedly punched in the nose while Lisbon dealt with the politicians.

He was glad that was Lisbon's job. She always picked up the pieces. Well, usually anyway. Today she'd stormed away, leaving Cho to do it. Always a risky move as public relations was not known to be one of the strengths of her second in command. Luckily Rigsby had stepped in.

Something was wrong.

Something other than him, though Jane would concede that he probably didn't always help matters. But Lisbon also tended to be surly on days that the team did nothing but sit around the office doing paperwork. Jane hardly doubted that his tendency to waste entire afternoons had drawn her ire, especially if he kept to himself and didn't distract the rest of the team (or wreak havoc elsewhere in the CBI).

He'd been noticing for a while that Lisbon was more subdued. She spent more time in her office with the door shut. She wasn't smiling as much, she wasn't as playful. And she'd basically stopped going on any team outings Van Pelt tried to organize. The redhead had been particularly disappointed that Lisbon always managed to find an excuse to get out of their monthly team bowling night.

Still, Jane had to admire Van Pelt's tenacity. Like clockwork the rookie agent asked their boss to join them every month. Every month Lisbon politely declined with a vague excuse.

It was small comfort to Jane that Lisbon was apparently shutting everyone out, not just him.

He'd tried to reach her. He'd planned several elaborate schemes designed to make her laugh. Pranks, gifts, snacks. Admittedly he had some success. She had enjoyed when he'd folded an entire origami Noah's Ark for her, and she'd chuckled along with everybody else when he'd hypnotized one of the mail guys into reciting nursery rhymes for a good half hour. It would have been longer but Hightower had put a stop to it. On the other hand, other ideas had been less than successful, like when he'd told her he had a lead on a case and took her to a petting zoo. Or the time he signed her up for yoga lessons and told her she needed to find her centre. And even the times that his attempts were successful, they didn't seem to have any kind of permanent effect on her mood.

He was getting frustrated, and more than a little worried. Which surprised him. He'd never expected to worry about Lisbon. Not for long periods at a time anyway. She was always so self-contained.

And today she'd basically slammed a door in his face and told him to get lost.

Well, that and she didn't trust him. Another area that he never seemed to make much headway on.

He wasn't stupid; he knew that lying to her didn't exactly help his case there. But, but... he'd explained to her time and again why he did that. He lied when telling her the truth might get her into trouble. At least this way she could plead ignorance. And he lied when Red John was involved. He was trying to protect her. Red John wasn't her fight. He was Jane's.

Jane scowled to himself. The infuriating woman never appreciated anything he did. He didn't know what to do about it.

He'd thought maybe they were on their way to becoming friends, and now she was pulling away.

Although, maybe he should count his blessings there. After all, look what had happened to the last woman he'd tried to befriend. Okay, maybe he hadn't exactly been thinking about _friendship_ with Kristina Frye. He had no idea what he'd been thinking exactly to be honest. And now she'd just disappeared. Lisbon kept insisting that they didn't know it was Red John. But Jane knew. It was absolutely Red John. No question. He also knew that he absolutely couldn't bear if the same thing happened to another woman in his life, to Lisbon. Maybe he should pull away from her too.

But if he did that then who was left to make sure she was okay? Like he'd said, Van Pelt was trying, and her team was worried, but nothing was _working_. Jane kept thinking that maybe if he just tried hard enough he could reach her. Or, maybe just make her smile.

She hadn't smiled much in the last few months.

If he pulled away from her now, he might never get her back. He'd just make sure she was okay; then he'd figure out the whole Red John issue.

Jane sighed and looked around his hotel room. Well, Lisbon might be inclined to spend her evening alone in a hotel room brooding, but he wasn't. He was going to go get some dinner, though not at that restaurant he'd wanted to take her to. That would just irritate him. He'd be alone of course; the rest of the team had headed out to an Italian place about half an hour ago. Jane had begged off, saying he was going to make sure Lisbon ate. The rest of them had left him to it.

Yeah that had worked out well for him. Now he just wanted to go somewhere quick and easy for a bite. And then maybe he'd indulge himself with a drink. The case was done after all. And he wasn't planning on getting fall-down drunk.

At a bar he might be able to distract himself with some pointless conversation with a similarly lonely soul.

He'd figure out his Lisbon problem later.

xxxxx

Lisbon sat on the bed in her hotel room flipping through the channels, trying to figure out how she felt. She wasn't sure if she felt guilty about Jane, or pleased. In fact, she didn't really know what she thought about much of anything.

She felt off.

Everything felt out of control. She was irritable, more so than usual some people might say. And those people could do with a swift kick in the shin in her opinion. But then, that was the problem wasn`t it? She felt downright angry sometimes. Sometimes she just wanted to say screw it and scream. She, Teresa Lisbon, who prized herself on her professionalism occasionally felt like throwing a temper tantrum to get her own way. At least thus far she`d managed to keep the ones she did throw behind closed doors.

But maybe she wouldn`t feel the need to throw temper tantrums if things ever did actually go her way.

God. Now she sounded like a spoiled toddler. Well, wasn`t that just _great._

Some CBI Agent she was. And they let her lead a team?

And that sounded like self-pity. Oh wonderful. Why not just break out the alcohol and call it a banner day?

She sighed, the mental sarcasm taking a bit of the edge off of her annoyance. She rubbed a hand over her face, deciding to take comfort in the fact that at least she had enough sense to know that turning to alcohol right now would be a bad, bad idea.

She'd take her little victories where she could get them.

She was just so tired of everything sometimes. Maybe it was a mid-life crisis. But wasn't she too young for that? Too old for a quarter-life crisis... Could a person have a one-third-life crisis?

And Jane had wanted her to open up to him.

Huh.

Yeah, that would go over well.

She'd have probably tried to deflect him, while he poked and prodded until she lost it and just screamed at him.

Then he'd probably have the nerve to stand there in that superior way of his looking completely unaffected, while she felt like a fool. And to top it off he'd probably have some sort of patronizingly superior advice to give her in the end. Something that he could do (he was Patrick Jane, he could solve _all_ the world's problems) to make her feel better.

Sadly the only thing Jane-related that might make her feel better was if she kicked the crap out of him. And that brought with it its own problems.

Why couldn't he just leave her alone?

Didn't he realize that sometimes she needed time alone to pull herself together? That she didn't always need him prodding?

Okay, so he didn't _just_ prod. Actually, he'd been behaving a bit strangely himself lately. But she was still damn mad at him so she was going to pretend he had no good qualities at all.

It would serve him right.

Lisbon blew her bangs off of her face in irritation.

She was just going to order room service and then try for an early night. She'd feel better after more sleep.

xxxxx

Lisbon flipped through the channels on television a half-eaten room service tray beside her. She hadn't been all that hungry but she had tried to eat something.

After managing to finish half of a relatively tasteless sandwich she was looking for a distraction. Why was there never anything on television? All the channels seemed to be either unfunny comedies or police procedurals. She already spent enough time dealing with crime to want to use it as a distraction after a long day. Finally she settled on a movie. It was a silly romantic comedy and mediocre at best, but it was better than the alternatives. At least it was mindless.

On the other hand, maybe mindless wasn't distracting enough. She kept flashing back to her day, to the faces of the victim's family when they realized that they'd been used. To her own anger when she'd realized what Jane had done. To Jane's attempt at making things up to her, something that didn't really surprise her. He was great at doing something wrong, making her angry, and then trying to win her over afterwards. Apparently the man had never heard that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of the cure.

She did feel a twinge of guilt when she remembered the expression on his face after she'd told him she didn't trust him and basically ordered him to leave her alone. That might have struck a nerve. But he drove her crazy. And she was tired. She just wanted to be left alone. And she was sick of trying to figure out when Jane was being genuine and what she could actually tell him without him using it against her later.

She knew her team was getting concerned about her. She wasn't an idiot. But she didn't want to deal with that either. She just, she wanted time to herself. For things to be simple, to feel like people weren't expecting things or judging her.

Lisbon watched as the movie finally wound down to its predictable conclusion then shut off the TV. It was almost eleven o'clock, but she didn't feel like watching the news. She decided to get an early night. They'd be leaving in the morning anyway, and it was a long drive back to Sacramento. Maybe she'd let Jane drive part of the way. That might make him feel better.

There was no point in scolding him after all. It just rolled off him like water off a duck's back.

Shaking her head Lisbon resolved not to think about Jane anymore and started getting ready for bed.

Just as she was crawling under the covers she thought she heard a noise. She reached for her gun while simultaneously turning on the light.

To her credit Lisbon managed not to scream, but it was a near thing. She'd seen some strange things in her time, but this took the cake.

"Mom?" she asked in disbelief. It shouldn't have been possible. Scratch that; it _wasn't _possible. But it was true. Someone (or more frighteningly, _something_) that looked exactly like her mother was standing at the end of the bed watching her, her (its?) expression half affection, half worry.

"Hello Teresa," the thing Lisbon was going to refer to as her mother (for the lack of a better alternative) said softly.

"Wha... how?" Lisbon asked just as softly. "But you're..."

"Dead," her mother confirmed with a nod. "Yes, I know that sweetie."

"Oh god," Lisbon murmured. "I've died, or been kidnapped, or drugged. Or maybe I've fallen into a coma. Is this where you tell me to walk towards the light?" She asked, oddly calm about the whole thing. Although that was probably because the shock hadn't warn off yet, so panic hadn't yet had time to set in.

"You're not dead Teri," her mother told her softly. "Trust me on this one. I know what that's like. You're also not in a coma, or drugged. You're still in your hotel room."

"Please tell me I'm asleep," Lisbon whispered, torn between wanting to shrink back as far away from the apparition as possible and wanting to run and throw her arms around it. The fact that her mother may not be solid enough for that was more than enough to keep her from moving.

"Can't do that," her mother said gently.

"Then is this the part where I try and claim you're a bit of undigested beef?" Lisbon asked.

"Teresa Anne, don't talk about your mother that way!" her mother admonished. "I can assure you that I'm really here. Well, a part of me anyway. I'm a ghost, or whatever you want to call it. My spirit is visiting you."

"How do I know you're really you?" Lisbon asked. "I mean, if you are a ghost then how do I know you really are my mother and not something else trying to trick me?" It was a valid point, she told herself, trying to avoid panic with a bit of logical thinking. And after all, if ghosts really existed then who knows what else could crop up.

Her mother sighed, but she smiled as she did it. "Always so sceptical weren't you Teresa? Alright then, when you were six years old your favourite book was The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. The first boy you had a crush on was little Stevie Mason who lived across the street and you cried for half an hour when his family moved away, even though you tried to hide it. Your favourite meal used to be spaghetti and meatballs as long as there were absolutely no vegetables in the sauce. I had trouble even sneaking in minced onions. The last vacation we took as a family was that trip to Disney World which you pretended to be too cool for until it came time to meet Pluto. I gave you that cross you're wearing for your confirmation. I got it from your grandmother on my confirmation and I'm still hoping that you might get to pass it on to your own daughter on hers, though it's okay if you don't. I can go on and on dear. I know later things too. I've kept my eye on you."

"Oh god," Lisbon gasped. "This is really happening isn't it?"

"Yes," her mother said gently.

"How?" Lisbon asked almost frantically. "Why?"

"I think you know why Teri," her mother said gently.

"Trust me, I don't," Lisbon said with a shake of her head.

"Don't you?"

"No."

"I'm here because mothers always want to look out for their daughters," her mother explained.

"And you think I need looking out for?" Lisbon asked, just a hint of irritation in her tone.

"Everyone needs looking out for," the ghost said easily. "Maybe you especially, since you always were too stubborn to let anyone else do it most of the time."

"Hey! I..." Lisbon started to object, or maybe just to defend herself.

"You don't Teresa," her mother told her. "It takes a particular kind of stubbornness to get close to you. Always has. And to make things worse you've been looking after everyone else since you were a teenager. I know part of that's my fault."

All the irritation disappeared from Lisbon's face. "Oh Mom, it wasn't your fault."

"Well, maybe not fault then," her mother acknowledged. "That wasn't the right word. But it's because of me. Because I was killed. I'll admit your father certainly didn't help matters," she muttered, before shaking her head and changing the subject. "It's why I'm here, why I haven't moved on. Like I said, a mother always looks after her children."

"Will you be checking in on the others then?" Lisbon asked. "I bet the boys would love to see you."

"No, just you," her mother admitted. "We only get to make visits for very special occasions and you need me most."

"Hey!" Lisbon objected again. "It's not that I'm not happy to see you, but I'm think I'm doing alright."

"Yes, but Steve and Jimmy have families," her mother explained. "Not that I'm saying you necessarily need a family obviously. Unless you want one of course. But even Tommy has a couple of good friends who support him. You on the other hand have nothing in your life but a job you've become completely frustrated with while letting it nearly consume you. To make things worse, you're even shutting out your colleagues now, the people who you used to trust at least a little. Why not let them in?"

"Mom, I'm their boss, it's a bit unprofessional..." Lisbon started to explain.

"Teri, I'm your mother, do you really think that'll work on me?" the older woman asked, hands on her hips. "Especially since I've already told you that I've been checking up on you from the afterlife. One thing death does give you if you want it is an excellent view of things that're happening on earth."

Lisbon huffed in irritation, and tried to defend her decisions, "I've got a new boss who's breathing down my neck, looking for breaches in protocol. She's already spoken to two of my team members about an inappropriate relationship."

"I'm not suggesting you _sleep _with any of them Teri," her mother said with a roll of her eyes. "Though I'm also not necessarily ruling it out. But you could start with letting them be your friends. You need friends. How many other people do you socialize with, do you think?"

Lisbon wrapped her arms around her chest defensively. "I don't have a lot of time..."

But her mother waved that off, "Terrible excuse. You could make time."

"My job keeps me busy," Lisbon tried again.

"Your job functions as a convenient excuse," her mother corrected.

"Mom..." Lisbon said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

If her annoyance had any effect on her mother it certainly wasn't noticeable. "You're shutting people out and I'm worried. You need something else in your life other than a job that stresses you out and makes you miserable."

Lisbon resisted the urge to crawl back under the blankets. "I'm not miserable," she insisted.

"You're not happy."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean I'm _miserable_," Lisbon muttered, mildly embarrassed by the observation. Even if it was being made by her mother's ghost. She was the responsible one, the one who took care of things. She was the one who was supposed to have her life _together_ for crying out loud.

"I tried to raise you to have some balance," her mother said again, not feeling at all bad about using subtle guilt. After all, a good parent would do almost anything for their child's happiness. "You always used to have lots of friends Teri. Even when you were out in San Francisco, or even two years ago. And now you're shutting yourself down and I feel like there should be something I could have done. So I've decided to do something about it now, rather than spend the rest of the afterlife worrying about you."

Lisbon's irritation faded immediately (as her mother had known it would). "Mom, I'm fine. You don't need to..."

"You're obviously not fine," her mother snapped. "You barely even bother to have dinner with your team anymore. Look at what happened tonight."

"I was tired, needed a break," Lisbon said wearily.

"And what about that Jane fellow?" her mother asked.

"_Jane?_" Lisbon asked in shock. "What about him?"

"He seems to like you," her mother pointed out. "He dropped by specifically to invite you to dinner."

Lisbon let out a mirthless laugh. "Jane likes when I'm on his side so he can get away with whatever he wants," she explained.

Her mother tutted in displeasure. "Well, we both know that's not true."

"Do we?" Lisbon asked sarcastically.

"Yes," her mother told her definitely, ignoring the sarcasm. It was a common family defence mechanism. She knew it well. "We most certainly do. Even if you're being too stubborn to admit it."

Lisbon ran a hand over her face, "I can't believe I'm sitting here arguing with my mother's ghost about Patrick Jane."

"Oh, get over it Teri," her mother shrugged.

Lisbon almost laughed. "You can't honestly be suggesting that I open up to Jane?" she asked with a grin.

"Why not?"

"Uh, for one, he enjoys picking through people's minds and I'd rather not have him in mine. He lies constantly. He never follows a single rule. Basically I absolutely can't trust him." Lisbon told her. "And every time I think I can, well, he goes behind my back and does something totally destructive and then the mess is my problem."

"Is this in your working relationship or your personal one?" her mother asked innocently.

"We only have a working relationship!" Lisbon snapped.

"Ah."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lisbon demanded.

"Nothing," her mother said with a grin.

"No, that tone was the one you always used to use when you thought you knew something I didn't. It always drove me crazy," Lisbon told her mother in irritation. It was one thing for her mother to say that she'd been watching her life from beyond the grave. But even watching Jane's antics was a far cry from actually having to deal with them. Besides, Lisbon'd always figured that if someone was going to be on her side in this argument it'd be her mother.

"There was no tone Teri," her mother said with a grin.

"I interrogate people for a living now Mom," Lisbon reminded her. "I may not be as good as Jane, but I know a tone, _and a lie_, when I hear one."

"Have it your way then Teri," her mother shrugged.

Lisbon shot her mother a look that she knew was both petulant and immature, but she really didn't know how to react to this situation. Her dead mother drops by for a visit and decides that of all the things the two of them should talk about, Patrick Jane was the most important. Lisbon almost laughed to herself at the thought. Jane'd certainly enjoy that. His ego would be well pleased.

"I'm just saying," her mother added. "For all his faults, and yes, I'm willing to agree that he has a few, from what I've seen Patrick Jane seems to be at least as stubborn as you are. After all, you keep pushing him away but he's still trying to get you to open you up."

"Yeah, it's become a game for him now!" Lisbon muttered peevishly.

"You genuinely believe that don't you?" her mother asked, half to herself.

"Mom..."

"Alright," her mother said softly. "I get it. Enough. I just... Looking back there are so many things I wish I could have said to people, darling, while I had the chance. I don't want you to wake up one day and feel the same way, especially since you're still alive. At least I have a better excuse."

"Well," Lisbon said softly. "At least you can tell me whatever you want. And I can always take messages."

"Messages aren't the same," her mother said with a shake of the head. "Plus they're not allowed. But I've been trying to tell you what I'd say to you for a good ten minutes now. You're just too stubborn to listen."

"I'm listening now," Lisbon promised.

"Then listen closely," her mother said seriously. "I love you Teresa. I always will. It's great to see be able to talk to you again, even if it's only for a few minutes. And I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm nagging at you, but I want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted. And I'm sorry if I've upset you, but I'm just worried"

Tears pricked in the corners of Lisbon's eyes, "Mom, you don't have to worry about me..."

"Can't help it," her mother told her softly. "And I think you'll find I'm not the only one," she added as almost an afterthought.

"I hope that's not true," Lisbon said trying to hide her mortification at the thought.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. People care about you. That's a good thing," her mother reminded her.

Lisbon sighed. "It's great seeing you too," she said softly. "Really great. I've missed you."

"I know, and I'm sorry," her mother said.

"It was never your fault," Lisbon replied.

"Doesn't mean I'm not sorry."

"Yeah."

"Anyway, the reason I'm here is to tell you," her mother started to explain.

"Oh you mean you didn't come just to scold me?" Lisbon said with half a grin.

"Not scold, prod. Just a little," Mrs. Lisbon corrected. "And sadly I can't stay much longer. I wish I could, but this is already pushing it. I just get to tell you that tonight you're going to be visited by three spirits."

"Oh you've _got_ to be kidding me," Lisbon said rolling her eyes.

Her mother shook her head, the hint of a smirk on her face. "Starting at midnight, and one every hour after that," the elder Lisbon told her daughter almost cheerfully.

"Please tell me it's not Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future," Lisbon groaned.

"No. Why would that be relevant?" her mother asked. "You're not a crotchety old man against the holiday season. You'll be visited by three people you'll know well, all three from the one aspect of your life you haven't ignored. And all three of them will have things to show you, things that they think are important."

"And what lesson am I to learn from this?" Lisbon asked, her heart thumping.

"I can't tell you that Teri," her mother said gently. "You've got to figure that one out for yourself."

"Of course I do," Lisbon muttered. "And why is that exactly?"

"It wouldn't have the same impact otherwise," her mother pointed out.

Lisbon barely stopped herself from letting her head bang against the wall in frustration, and maybe a little fear.

"I've got to go," her mother said softly.

"Wait!" she cried. She may not have been thrilled by the idea of more ghostly visitors, but, but... The woman in front of her was still her mother. And there were so many things she wanted to talk to her about.

"Sorry Teresa. I do," her mother said regretfully. "But remember, I love you, and I'm looking out for you."

With that her mother's ghost was gone.

Lisbon leaned back against the wall, unsurprised to realize that her hands were shaking. She wasn't sure what to think. Part of her was inclined to write the last hour off as either food poisoning or exhaustion. But on the other hand that was what people always did in movies and books, and then they looked like idiots when this sort of thing turned out to be genuine. But if it was genuine... Oh god. She'd just spoken to her mother's ghost in a hotel room in the middle of California. What was going on? Whatever it was, she supposed there probably wasn't anything she could do about it. And if her mother had been real then it was unlikely any of the ghosts meant her any harm.

Deciding to use her usual method of trying to ignore things she didn't want to deal with, Lisbon turned the light off beside her bed. After all, if she was going to be meeting a ghost in half an hour it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to try and catch a quick nap. If it was all a dream, well then, no harm no foul.

It was the only sensible thing to do under the circumstances.

Because the only other option, option B, was to find someone and tell them about her evening. It'd almost have to be one of her team members because who else would she tell? And telling them what had happened was a no go. Even if she'd wanted to. Jane was really the only option and even he wasn't ideal. He probably wouldn't even believe her. If he did he'd probably dismiss it just like he did whenever Van Pelt started talking about things beyond what could be explained by pure science. And Lisbon couldn't stand the idea of the mockery right now. Besides, she'd already talked to Jane that evening and it hadn't exactly gone well. Of course, the idea of telling the rest of the team was even worse. Van Pelt would be overly sympathetic, have some crazy story about a relative with a similar experience, and insist on sitting up with her, which... if Lisbon had to be visited by ghostly apparitions intent on poking into her life she'd rather do it alone. Cho would either dismiss it like Jane would, or get really, really jumpy. It was hard to predict how her second in command would react to the supernatural. And as for Rigsby, well, Rigsby probably wouldn't know what to do. Lisbon almost laughed to herself picturing the expression on Rigsby's face if she told him. Oh, she was sure he'd try and help her if she asked him. But he'd be absolutely terrified the whole time.

No, better to deal with it alone. And if she did have to be visited by three ghosts, probably best to just get it over with and get on with her life.

With that Lisbon decided again to just sensibly go to sleep.

Needless to say she didn't get a wink of sleep in the next half hour.

Every creak, every passing footstep in the hallway was an impending visitor from the spirit world. And even if she could forget about the ghosts (fat chance), Lisbon still would have been haunted by the things her mother had said her.

Because whether she wanted to admit it or not, her mother was right. She had been shutting everyone out lately. Not just Jane, which might be justified. But she was constantly trying to find excuses not to spend any personal time with her team. Telling them she had plans, or work to catch up on, or that she just needed sleep. She wasn't sure they even believed her anymore, but she could tell they were all getting frustrated. Van Pelt was still hopeful and they always still asked her as a manner of course, but how long would that last? Even Jane and Van Pelt's patience would wear thin. Lisbon knew they'd started a monthly team bowling outing a few months ago as a means of decompressing. She'd never been, always finding an excuse not to go. It just seemed easier.

Avoiding her team would have been one thing if she had a social life of any kind to fall back on. But she hadn't been on a date that had gone well in about six months. Part of it was the job, part of it was the fact that she'd let a few acquaintances with questionable taste in men set her up on blind dates, and part of it was that she just couldn't be bothered.

But how bad had she let things get if she was getting an intervention from the great beyond? Ugh. The idea really was mortifying.

Unless it was all a hallucination, in which case she had some sort of severe mental problem.

Neither option was particularly palatable to her.

Lisbon buried her head under the scratchy hotel blankets, hoping to hide from the world.

xxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

xxxxx

"Now there's something I thought I'd never see," she heard a familiar voice say suddenly. "I thought I always told you to meet your opponents head on, Teresa."

Lisbon flipped the covers down immediately and switched on the light beside the bed, deciding that the fact that she hadn't grabbed her gun this time was a small victory. "Sam?" she said in shock, staring at the second apparition she'd found standing at the end of her bed.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten me yet," Bosco snarked.

Lisbon sent him a look which plainly told her what she thought of that idea, before running her hand through her hair and glancing at the clock. 11:56. "You're early," she said somewhat stupidly. "Figures."

"How do you know the clock's not just slow?" Bosco asked with a familiar twinkle in his eye.

"Because you were always early," Lisbon retorted. "Always stressed the importance of getting the jump on things, of taking people off-guard."

"So you do remember some of what I taught you," Bosco mused.

"You know I remember more than some," Lisbon said dryly.

He smiled softly. "I missed you Teresa."

"Me too Sam," she said quietly.

"You know, I don't think I ever thanked you properly for trying to save my life," he told her. "Other things on my mind and all."

Lisbon waved off the thanks awkwardly, "Yeah, well, maybe if I'd done a better job..."

"Hey," Bosco said almost harshly. "None of that. I don't remember this defeatist attitude in you Teresa."

"You know how the job can get," she said with a shrug.

"Yeah, I do," he said. "I did it for longer than you did if you'll remember. I know you can get burnt out, but is that all this is?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Lisbon demanded. It was all very well and good for Bosco to criticize her. He didn't have to deal with the crap on a daily basis anymore. Well, she sincerely hoped he didn't at least.

"That you never did like being questioned," Bosco told her. "Especially when it got personal. You always got as prickly as a cactus any time anyone had the temerity to intimate that your coping mechanisms, if they can be called that, weren't exactly perfect. But for the sake of peace let's ignore that for the moment shall we? Because the real issue is that even when things got bad before, I don't remember you giving up."

"I have _not _given up," Lisbon nearly snarled. She didn't _give up_. How dare he say that she was? She was still doing her job wasn't she? Still going into the office every day. She hadn't turned to the more destructive coping mechanisms like some sort of substance abuse or reckless behaviour. Really, she thought she was pretty far ahead of the curve.

"I hope that's true," Bosco told her, apparently pleased by the outburst.

"It is true," Lisbon insisted. "Besides, people change Sam. You know that."

"And you know as well as I do Teresa that people don't change as much as they like to think," he shot back.

"You always did use to say that," Lisbon said with a half a grin.

"Well, you see as many repeat offenders as we do it makes sense," Bosco shrugged. "But you never believed me. You were always the idealistic one in our partnership. Oh scoff if you will Teresa, but underneath all that sarcasm you always were optimistic." 

"Are you sure you're not just looking at things through rose-coloured glasses?" she asked sceptically

"No point in doing that after you die," Bosco told her. "But your disbelief does provide me with a nice segue into my task for the evening." He cleared his throat pompously. Lisbon tried not to grin. "Since you don't appear to believe me Agent Lisbon," Bosco said overly solemnly, "Then I guess I'll have to prove it to you."

"Will you?" she asked, a challenge in her voice. If she _was_ going to hallucinate for half the night she figured she may as well at least try and enjoy it a little. Besides, it was kind of nice seeing Sam again. They'd slipped back into the same old easy banter they always did, well, at least whenever she didn't have to run interference between him and Jane.

"Of course. Let's go visit your past Teresa," Bosco told her. "Though I should point out that the two of us will only be observing. You won't be able to interact with your memories, so don't bother even trying to talk to a past self; no one will hear you. The only one you'll actually be able to talk to is yours truly."

Lisbon scoffed. "Alright let me grab a sweater," she said as she climbed out of bed in pyjama pants and a t-shirt.

Bosco shrugged. "If you want," he told her. "But it's not going to be cold where we're going. Especially since it won't actually exist, not in a physical sense at least."

Lisbon paused, considered that for a moment before giving up. "Whatever," she said grabbing a hoodie from her bag. "It's not like I'm exactly up on the protocol of what to bring when accosted by a ghost of an old friend."

Bosco smirked. "You could just trust me."

"Do I have a choice?" Lisbon quipped.

"Nope," Bosco said cheerfully. "But it was never a problem before Teresa," he reminded her softly.

Lisbon abruptly paused mid-layering, one arm in the sweater, one out. "It's still not Sam," she whispered. "I'm trying to trust you. But come on, this whole thing is just a bit weird for me."

"I know," he said. "I was actually expecting to have to argue you out of bed for at least ten minutes. Part of the reason I showed up early. Your compliance is a little off-putting. Which I suspect means you don't believe I'm really here. So tell me, what have you decided this is?"

"Hallucination or possibly a brain tumour," Lisbon admitted.

"It's not you know," he replied.

"I'm going to ignore that for my own sanity," Lisbon said quickly.

Bosco sighed. "If you brush this off you'll miss the point."

"Which is?" Lisbon asked hopefully.

Her ex-mentor grinned. "Do you honestly think I'm allowed to tell you that?" he asked her. "That's not how these things work."

"So _these things_ are designed to be as irritating as possible then?" Lisbon asked in irritation.

Bosco shrugged. "Probably. It'll give someone up there a bit of a laugh."

"That makes me feel so much better," Lisbon muttered. "Really, operation 'Cheer up Lisbon' is doing a bang-up job so far."

"Who said the point was to cheer you up?" Bosco asked.

"Well, you keep going on about how depressed I am," Lisbon pointed out awkwardly.

"And if all I wanted was to make you smile I'd have dressed Jane up as a clown and made him do tricks for you," Bosco told her. "Heck, he'd probably be more than willing. No, that's not what this is."

"Isn't it?" she asked.

"Nope," Bosco told her cheerfully, "After all, you can teach a man to fish..." he trailed off.

Lisbon stared at him in disbelief.

"We should get going now," he said, tapping his watch, and grinning.

"Wait a minute!" Lisbon interrupted. "Are you honestly saying that this whole thing is a way to try and teach me how to make myself _happy_?"

"I didn't say that Teresa," Bosco told her evenly.

"You strongly implied it!" she retorted.

He shrugged. "I can't confirm or deny the purpose of this little outing of ours. Now come on! We've really got to go."

"Will this hurt?" she asked tentatively.

"Not physically," Bosco admitted. "The rest, well, we'll see."

"Sam," Lisbon whispered. "I don't think..."

"I could make you Teresa," he told her. "Don't make me do that though. I promise I'll be right beside you. And it won't be all bad."

Lisbon took a breath. "Fine," she said. "But for the record I'd like to say that I am against this."

"Fine. Nobody cares," Bosco told her. "Now come on. We're going pretty far back. I thought you'd want to get the worst of it over with."

Lisbon straightened her spine and tried to look as intimidating as possible. "How far back are we going exactly Sam?" she asked quietly, dangerously.

But he wasn't intimidated. "I think you know the answer to that Teresa."

"I don't see how this could possibly be necessary," Lisbon started to say.

"Yeah, well, you're not calling the shots tonight," Bosco told her. "No one's going to let you bury your head in the sand. You'd better get used to it now." Then without waiting for further argument he took her hand and the hotel room started to fade.

xxxxx

Lisbon found herself standing in the backyard of a smallish house in a perfectly normal neighbourhood where a perfectly normal family looked like they were getting ready for a perfectly normal barbecue.

"I assume you know where we are?" Bosco said dryly.

Lisbon nodded. "We're at my parent's house," she replied, trying to keep her tone as even as possible. "I grew up here. It's the fourth of July. I was twelve. It was the last holiday before..."

"Before what?" Bosco prodded.

"You know what," Lisbon said, her voice hard. "I know you've read my file, and you've probably guessed some of the rest."

"But this isn't about me," Bosco reminded her. "So I'm going to need you to tell me. If you can."

"Before my mother was hit by a drunk driver," Lisbon snapped. "Before she was killed. Before everything fell apart. It was the last holiday we were still a family. The last time we were all normal, healthy people. There, do you feel better now?"

"Not even a little bit," Bosco told her.

"Easy for you to say," Lisbon muttered. "You're the one in control here, remember? Why are we here anyway?" she asked defensively.

"Look," Bosco said softly, not offended in the slightest.

"I am looking," Lisbon told him. "And I can see my brothers in miniature. I can see Tommy, and Steve and Jimmy playing soccer in the yard. I can see my father cooking steak on the barbecue, insisting on doing it just so."

"Where are you?" Bosco asked.

"I'm in the kitchen," she said. "Helping my mother carry stuff out."

With that the back door opened and the two females of the household walked out onto the patio both carrying bowls of food.

"Alright, I think that's everything," Lisbon's mother said. "How's the meat coming, hon'" she called over to her husband.

"I'm just taking it off now," he assured her.

Her mother nodded. She glanced around the table, obviously making sure that everything was ready.

"We've got everything already Mom. You've already double-checked everything twice," a twelve-year old Teresa told her mother with a roll of her eyes.

Her mother smirked. "I'm sure you're right Teri," she assured her daughter. "But I have to double-check. It's just the way I am."

"Yeah, well, I sure hope being completely obsessive compulsive about everything isn't hereditary," young Teresa Lisbon muttered.

That earned her a playful swat on the arm from her mother. "Oh be quiet," she said with a laugh. "Wait until you're my age, with kids of your own, then you'll see how it feels."

The young Teresa Lisbon rolled her eyes again, though this time she waited until her mother's back was turned.

Then Mrs. Lisbon called the family to the table. After a brief scuffle involving the soccer ball, a couple of threats and the clatter of a chair getting knocked over, the family sat down to eat.

"There's a definite family resemblance between the Lisbon women," Bosco remarked.

Lisbon nodded, "Yeah. Everyone always said I looked just like her," she said wistfully.

"Especially now that you've grown up a bit," Bosco agreed. "Though even at twelve it was obvious you were going to be beautiful."

"Shut up Sam," Lisbon told him glancing over, her face turning pink. "You never used to say stupid stuff like that."

He shrugged. "I never used to be dead," he reminded her. "I wanted to before; not because I wanted... I mean, I loved my wife, Teresa. But I still wanted to. Just, well, because it's true."

"Sometimes I wonder what she'd have thought about my career choice," Lisbon admitted, realizing she'd never even thought to ask her mother earlier.

"She'd have been proud of you," Bosco told her. "She is proud of you. Hell, you run your own team."

"Yeah, she'd have liked them too," Lisbon admitted. "Van Pelt's so polite, and Rigsby's so friendly and kinda sweet, and Cho... well, I don't know what she'd make of Cho at first, but he'd win her over in the end. And Jane, who the hell knows?"

Bosco smiled. "She'd like him. Everyone else seems too."

Lisbon snickered.

"Besides," Bosco added. "Like I said, I think the Lisbon women have a lot in common."

"Sam..."

"You like him Teresa. I can see it. Always could. I'm not an idiot."

"He's on my team," she said, like that explained it all.

"I know," Bosco told her. "Other than wondering what your mother would have thought of your career what else is this little walk down memory lane provoking?" he asked.

Lisbon shrugged, her eyes glued to the scene in front of her. "We all look so happy," she said half to herself. "I remember it as almost idyllic you know," she explained. "Obviously it wasn't. We had our problems, just like anyone else. Even then Tommy was always getting sent to the principal's office. Someone came home at least once a week with a skinned knee. There was sibling rivalry, and petty jealousy. My parents fought. Not excessively, but they did. And that's always a bit scary as a kid. But still, in comparison, it was pretty great."

"Interesting that you choose to focus on the negative," Bosco replied. "Rather than letting yourself enjoy the positive when you see it."

She shrugged. "Maybe it helps me tolerate the contrast," she told him.

"Teresa," Bosco said in concern.

"Don't. Just don't," Lisbon snapped, suddenly angry. "The universe wants me to pry into my past, fine. I can't do anything about it. But you're not my therapist Sam. You were my boss and my partner. I don't have to discuss any of this with you."

"Except that I left two kids if you'll remember," Bosco pointed out. "Is that how they're going to feel? Like my death was the beginning of the end of their lives? I need to know."

Lisbon took a breath feeling a twinge of guilt, which was probably what he'd intended. The bastard. "Their lives will never be the same Sam, you know that," she told him. "But, don't worry about them. They'll be fine. I promise. They've still got Mandy. She'll look after them. She's doing the best she can under the circumstances, which between you and me seems to be pretty damn good."

"I know you've been calling her, offering to talk, to help out," Bosco said casually.

"When I can," she said, keeping her eyes focussed on the scene in front of her.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Of course," she said curtly, still refusing to look at him.

"You really can't take a compliment," Bosco said with a smirk.

"Shut up," Lisbon said quickly. "And stop worrying Sam. Like I said, Mandy's strong. And she's got help. Your family will survive. They've got each other."

"You still had your father," Bosco pointed out.

"_Technically_," Lisbon said bitterly. She stared at the man currently discussing the finer points of last night's baseball game with his two oldest children and tried not to resent him too much. She failed.

Bosco followed her gaze. "You were happy," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah."

"You were a normal kid," he said.

"Yeah."

"You believed your parents when they told you things."

"Yeah."

"When they said everything was going to be okay."

"I guess."

"You trusted them."

Lisbon paused. "I did," she said with a sigh.

"What happened to that girl then Teresa?" Bosco asked.

"Well, I'm guessing we're about to find out aren't we?" she asked, her voice deliberately neutral.

"That's the plan," he admitted.

"How about we skip it and I just tell you?" Lisbon suggested.

"You're seriously going to need to just trust me," Bosco growled, clearly frustrated.

"Obviously I don't need to _just trust you_, since I don't have a choice about any of this," she shot back.

He glared at her.

"Fine. Let's get this over with," Lisbon said, her voice as blank as her face.

Slowly the family picnic began to fade away. Lisbon braced herself for whatever was coming next, sure that whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.

They were inside the house now. Judging from the general level of mess Lisbon was guessing that it was about four years later. Not the messiness of the first couple of years, before she'd gotten the hang of all the bills, but messy enough that you could tell something wasn't quite right. Not a complete disaster though. Not the worst it ever got.

She was walking through the living room, trying to tidy up. Well, her teenage self was at least. She was taller, thinner, and obviously sadder. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.

"Teri?" Tommy, her middle brother, asked.

She turned and sent him a half a smile. "Yeah," she asked, looking hopeful until she saw the expression on his face. The kid looked terrified. "What is it?" she asked.

He took a deep breath. "I failed another math test," he muttered.

The adult Lisbon watched her younger self's face fall. "Dammit Tommy! You've got to..." she ran her hand through her hair, apparently deciding on another approach. "I thought you studied for this one!"

"I did," he insisted. "Then I got there, and I dunno. I just didn't care anymore. What difference does it make? I'm not going to get into college anyway."

"Don't talk like that," she said absently.

"Why?" he demanded.

"Because you have to try!" Lisbon told him. "You need to do well in school."

"What's it to you!" he snapped back. "You're not my..."

"Say it," the teenage Teresa Lisbon practically growled.

"No," her younger brother whispered. "I'm sorry Teri."

She sighed and pinched her nose. "S'okay," she murmured.

Tommy paused. "I'm supposed t'get it signed," he whispered.

She looked up then. "Really?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"God Tom," she snapped. "This is gonna..."

"I know," he told her.

Lisbon hesitated, "Maybe I could..." she started.

"You could what?" a voice asked from the doorway.

Both children turned guiltily in that direction.

The change in Thomas Lisbon Sr. was immediately evident. He was still relatively well dressed, still managing to make it into work almost every day. But there were bags under his bloodshot eyes. His hair was scruffy, like it hadn't been cut in a while, and he'd put on weight. Plus, while he'd just arrived home, it was also obvious that he'd stopped for a drink on the way.

"Nothing Dad," Lisbon said quickly.

"You sure? 'Cause I thought I heard Tommy say he needed something signed," her father told her.

Lisbon summoned up a smile. "Yeah, I was gonna talk to you about it after dinner," Lisbon told him. "That's what I was trying to..."

"Well, I'm here now, so let's talk," her father suggested. "What is it Tom?"

Tommy gulped, before taking a step forward. He handed his father the test. "You need to sign this," he muttered.

Lisbon watched her father take the paper from her teenage brother's hand. There was no point in hoping that he wouldn't see that his son hadn't passed. His mark was written in red in the top corner. Mr. Lisbon gritted his teeth. "I don't suppose anyone has a pen handy," he said caustically.

Teresa practically ran to the other side of the room to grab him one. Her father took it and scrawled his name next to the mark in the top corner. "How many is this now son?" he asked. "Three? Four? At this rate you're going to fail the entire class. Is that what you want?"

"No," Tommy said hollowly.

"Tell me, did you even bother to study for this one?" the older Thomas Lisbon asked scathingly. "Or have you decided school's just one of those pointless things adults force on you? After all, who needs a high school diploma? I'm sure _that_ won't come in handy later on in life."

"Dad," Teresa said softly.

"Not now Teresa," her father said. "I'd like to talk to Tommy about this. Well son?"

"I did study," Tommy snapped back, his temper rising. "But then I got to class and I just, I dunno. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Mr. Lisbon snapped, tossing the test aside. "I should ground you."

"Not much point, you wouldn't even notice if I was here or not," Tommy muttered.

"What did you say?" his father asked dangerously.

"Nothing," Tommy replied sullenly.

"Dad," Teresa said a second time.

"I said _not now_ Teresa," her father snapped.

"Don't get mad at her," Tommy shot back. "She didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh, so you want me to get mad at you then," his father practically yelled.

"Why not?" Tommy asked. "You will anyway."

"I've had it up to here with your mouth son," his father warned.

"Yeah, well I'm not all that fond of you half the time either," Tommy returned fiercely.

The present-day Teresa Lisbon winced. There it was. The breaking point. It always happened when Tommy argued with her father. One of them took it just a step too far. She shut her eyes, knowing what was coming and not wanting to see it happen a second time.

Milliseconds later she heard an unintelligible shout, followed by a crash.

Sure enough when she opened her eyes the end table was on its side, the lamp (thankfully unbroken) was on the floor, and Tommy was laying in the middle of it all clutching his side. He'd have a few bruises, and a cut on the elbow, but luckily nothing too serious. Lisbon watched her teenage self put herself between her brother and her father. But it wasn't necessary. Not this time. The blood had drained out of her father's face. He muttered an apology and practically fled the room. Lisbon knew that he wouldn't be home for hours, and he'd be barely conscious when he returned. He also wouldn't remember a thing.

She watched the teenage Teresa Lisbon turn to her brother. "Y'okay Tom?" she asked softly.

Her brother winced, but nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Sorry about..."

"Don't apologize," she said quickly. "Just don't. Not for this."

"You shouldn't get between us Teri," he told her. "It's not worth it."

She glared at him. "Don't ever say that again little brother. I'm your big sister remember?"

Tommy showed her a lopsided grin. "Kay," he said. "And thanks." He winced as he sat up.

"Oh god, you don't need to go to the hospital or anything, do you?" Lisbon asked, crouching down next to him.

Tommy shook his head. "Don't think so," her brother told her. "Pretty sure it's just a bruise. No big deal."

"Well, that's good at least," Lisbon told him dryly.

"I always try to land well," Tommy told her.

Suddenly there was a cough from the doorway. They looked up to see the other two Lisbon brothers standing in the doorway. Steve, the eldest walked over to his sister and scanned her face, making sure she wasn't hurt. He didn't ask questions. There was no point. He simply shrugged and offered her a hand to help her up. Then he turned to his younger brother. "In trouble again, eh Tom?" he asked with just a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "That seems about right."

"Steve," Lisbon said, her tone tired.

He just shrugged. "I'm just saying," he said. But after catching a look at his older sister's face he apparently decided to drop it. "Let me know if you need help with dinner," he told her. Then he left and went upstairs.

Lisbon turned to Jimmy, who was standing in the doorway looking terrified. "S'okay Jim," she told him.

"Is Dad mad at Tommy?" her brother asked.

"A little," Lisbon admitted. "But he's gone now. And I'm sure he'll feel better when he gets back." It was a lie, and they all knew it. But someone needed to try and maintain a semblance of normalcy. "Hey. I'm making mac 'n cheese for dinner. You want to help?" Her brother offered her a small smile and nodded happily. "Great!" Teresa said. "I'll just find a band-aid for Tommy here, and then we can go get dinner, okay?" With that she herded the two boys out of the room and didn't look back.

In the now empty room a very adult Lisbon was staring straight at the opposite wall, fists clenched.

"How much of your time was spent trying to protect them?" Bosco asked neutrally.

Lisbon shrugged, trying to calm down. "Fair bit," she said curtly. "It wasn't like that every day."

"You mean_ he_ wasn't like that every day," Bosco corrected evenly.

Lisbon didn't say anything.

"It got worse didn't it Teresa?" Sam asked softly.

"Yes," she bit out.

"I'm sorry. I wish..." Bosco started.

"Don't you dare pity me," she snarled.

"I wasn't," he insisted. "You're strong and you're smart. And you're one of the best cops I've ever met Lisbon," Bosco told her, deliberately switching back to her last name to give her just a little bit of distance. "Ever think there might be a reason for that?"

"Yeah, well, I think I'd have preferred to be mediocre," she told him.

Bosco paused. "How long afterwards did he..." Her former mentor trailed off, apparently unsure how to finish his sentence. 

"Kill himself?" she asked derisively. Then she shrugged, "Less than two years. Hard to say whether that made things better or worse."

Bosco ignored her anger. "I assume you don't need to revisit the..."

Lisbon interrupted. "So help me Sam, if you take me back to either the day I found him or the day I had to go to his funeral I won't say another word for the entire night. I will shut my eyes and hum for the next three hours if I have to. But I won't..."

"We aren't going back Teresa," he promised her quickly. "We aren't."

But Lisbon continued as if she hadn't heard him. "This is none of your damn business," she growled. "This is _my_ past. I'm entitled to some privacy aren't I? God, I've already got Jane reading my mind half the day, now I've got my ex-boss's ghost dragging me through my memories because heaven was having a slow day and needed a distraction."

"I'm not judging you Teresa," Bosco told her softly. "If anything it makes me admire you more. And anyway, who'm I going to tell?"

"That's not the point!" she snapped. "This is my life. Mine. Not yours. I don't want anyone here. Hell, I don't even want to be here."

"You don't think I managed to fill in the blanks before now?" he asked. "You really think I didn't already know?" When she made no comment he continued. "A father's supposed to protect their children," Bosco said, apparently changing the subject.

Lisbon didn't reply.

"You're supposed to be able to trust your Dad," her former boss told her.

"Sam..."

"He broke that trust though, didn't he, Teresa?"

Lisbon looked away.

"And now you don't trust anyone, do you?" Bosco asked.

Lisbon whirled on him. "I spent years practically running that house, making sure my brothers survived, making sure there was food, and the bills were paid, making sure no one _died_. What do you want from me Sam?"

"Nothing," he told her. "I just wanted you to see..."

"You think I forgot this?" she asked incredulously. "Well, _screw you_. You have no idea..."

"No," he agreed. "I don't. But I do know you are capable of trust. At least you used to be."

"What?" Lisbon asked, obviously taken off guard.

"Come on," he told her gently. "I think we can get out of here now. The worst is over with. I promise. And we share the next set of memories, so you won't have to worry about me diving into your private life, seeing things you don't want me to see. You used to trust me a bit Teresa," he reminded her again.

"Not with this," she said hollowly.

"Okay," Bosco replied quietly, obviously a bit disappointed. "Let's go."

xxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

xxxxx

Lisbon embraced the now-familiar feeling of the world disappearing around her. This time when it managed to re-shape itself she found herself in a very familiar building back in San Francisco.

She turned to Bosco curiously.

He grinned. "Recognize the old stomping grounds Teresa?" he asked her.

"Well, this is a sight for sore eyes," she said, a hint of a smile around her eyes. "When is it exactly?"

"Patience is a virtue, Rookie," he told her.

"I never was very good at patience," she replied dryly.

"No kidding," he told her. "But actually that was a clue."

Suddenly a Teresa Lisbon in her early twenties barrelled past them.

"Hey Rookie, where's the fire?" another officer asked with a bit of a laugh.

"Quiet Mike," a second voice told him. "With any luck she'll crack the case and we can all get out of here at something resembling a decent hour."

Lisbon couldn't stop the grin that bloomed on her face when she saw O'Hare and Lopez round the corner. She'd worked with the guys pretty closely for a few years. They'd been great cops. O'Hare had moved to the east coast when his wife got transferred, but she was pretty sure Lopez was still kicking around the SFPD somewhere. He'd been offered a few desk jobs over the years, all of them promotions, but he'd turned each and every one of them down, said he loved being out on the streets too much.

"We may get to go home early," Lopez told his partner. "But before that happens she'll make us look bad, what with all that energy."

"That and the good ideas," O'Hare added with a smirk.

"That too," Lopez admitted.

Lisbon finally acknowledged them. "I'd be flattered but it's not that hard to make you two look bad," she snarked.

"Watch it rookie," O'Hare told her with a mock-glare.

"You guys seen a copy of the suspect's phone records?" Lisbon asked, obviously distracted.

"Should be there," Lopez said with a frown. "You can't find it?"

"No... Wait here it is," she told them. "Our victim and suspect supposedly aren't on speaking terms right?"

"Right?"

"So why is the number of the prepaid cell phone we just found, the one that probably belongs to our vic, showing up on our suspect's phone records?" she asked.

"Because he's a liar?" Lopez suggested.

"That'd be my guess," Lisbon replied.

Suddenly a younger version of Sam Bosco strolled into the room. He was thinner, and had quite a bit more hair, but the way he carried himself was the same. "Somebody tell me we've got something, because I was just talking to our boss, and he was less than thrilled with our distinctive lack of progress on this case," Bosco told him.

"Take it away rookie," O'Hare told Lisbon with a wave of her hand.

So Lisbon watched as her younger self explained what she'd found to her former boss.

"You always were good at the job," Bosco's ghost mused. "Even O'Hare and Lopez could see it."

"Don't bother mocking the guys," Lisbon told him. "I know that deep down you loved them."

"Huh. I don't have that much depth Lisbon," Bosco muttered. "Wish I still looked like I did back then though."

"You're a ghost," Lisbon pointed out. "Can't you look however you want?" she asked.

"Maybe," Bosco admitted. "But I wouldn't want to confuse you. And I suspect I look like this partly because it's how you expect me to look."

"Does that mean that if I concentrate really hard I can make your hair turn green?" Lisbon asked, only half watching the scene in front of her.

"No," Bosco said quickly.

"I think you're lying," Lisbon told him.

"Try it and find out," Bosco challenged her.

Lisbon considered it. "Nah, I think I'll pass." She replied.

"I'm crushed," Bosco said dryly.

"If you don't mind my asking," Lisbon said. "Why are we here? I mean, it's great to see the guys again. Well, in a way at least. But I don't remember anything significant happening here."

"Well, you did just crack the case," Bosco pointed out. "But this was more to ease you into things than anything."

Lisbon shrugged. "Okay," she said as she watched herself with her former colleagues.

"You look happy," he said after a while.

"I was happy with the SFPD," Lisbon admitted. "Most of the time anyway. I do like the work. And the people were pretty great for the most part. You were a pretty good boss Sam," she told him.

He smiled. "And you were pretty good for a rookie," he told her. "Remember all the stuff the four of us used to get up to?"

"Even if I didn't, I have a feeling I'm going to get my memory refreshed," Lisbon told him.

Bosco grinned. The precinct faded away and was replaced by the table in a bar where all four officers were being handed tequila shots.

"To a closed case!" Bosco said raising his glass.

"To a closed case," the other three repeated before downing their shots.

"And to Lisbon," Bosco added. "Who figured out what you two idiots didn't notice," he told them.

"To the rookie," Lopez replied. "Who has earned the right not to be hazed this week."

"Thanks ever so much guys," Lisbon told them.

"Anyone up for pool?" Lopez asked.

"Sure, I'm in," Lisbon told him.

"I'll play the winner," Bosco said.

"I hate pool," O'Hare muttered.

"We know," the other three chorused.

Lisbon smiled. "We did have some good times, didn't we?" she said idly.

Ghostly Bosco smiled too. "Hope it wasn't too unprofessional of me to go out for drinks with my team like that," he observed.

"What?" Lisbon asked in confusion. "Of course it wasn't..."

"After all, we even played pool too!" Bosco said in a faux-scandalized tone. "And there may have been betting involved, adding gambling into the mix on top of it all. How I managed to keep my job is a mystery."

"Okay, have you had some sort of ghostly head injury?" Lisbon asked. "I sure as hell hope not since you're my guide and all, but seriously, what are you going on about?"

"Wasn't your excuse for not going out with your team that you needed to maintain a professional distance?" Bosco asked innocently. "I think I'm probably in violation of that right now. Or was I just a horrible boss?" he wondered.

Lisbon flushed, half in irritation half in embarrassment. "Alright, I get it. You've made your point," she told him. "You were a great boss, you know that."

"And it wouldn't kill you to go out with your team from time to time," Bosco added.

"I guess not," she muttered.

"Very good," he told her. "Now let's hear you say it."

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Absolutely."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Of course."

She sighed. "Fine," she snapped. "The reason I haven't been going to dinner with my team has nothing to do with professionalism."

"So glad you admit that Lisbon. That's something at least," Bosco said with a smirk.

"Now that I've learned that valuable lesson where too next?" she asked in irritation.

"Oh we're not done here," Bosco told her cheerfully. "But we do have to go to later tonight, so I think I'll just speed up time since I don't think we need to watch the three of us play pool for two hours."

"You're just saying that because I won," Lisbon told him. She almost nudged up against him, before she remembered just in time that he might not be solid. As a result she ended up swaying awkwardly in place.

"Don't be ridiculous," Bosco said quickly.

Now it was Lisbon's turn to smirk. "Uh huh."

Bosco ignored her as time sped up. Everything around them seemed to be in a blur. Lisbon watched the four of them leave. O'Hare and Lopez shared a cab, but she and Bosco had lingered at the pool table for a few extra minutes, arguing over a few of the shots. So they were waiting for their cabs to arrive alone.

"You did good today Teresa," Bosco told her suddenly.

Lisbon watched her younger self flush in pleasure. "Thanks Boss," she said happily.

"You'll make a great cop. Nothing's going to stop you," he added.

"I hope you're right," Lisbon admitted. "But I think I've got a lot to learn before then."

"I hope I'm up to the task of teaching you," Bosco said with a grin.

Lisbon shrugged. "Well, you haven't let me down yet," she told him with a grin.

He chuckled. "Glad to hear. You need to be able to trust your partners with this job."

"Hey, I trust you," she assured him.

"Do you really Teresa?" he asked softly, suddenly serious.

She glanced at him. "Of course," she told him, forcing herself to meet his eyes. "Like I said, you've never let me down."

"Okay," he said just as softly. He looked like he was about to say something else when a cab pulled up. He opened the door for her and said "See you later Lisbon."

"You too Boss," she replied. "And thanks," she told him.

"For what?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Just thanks," she said as she got into the cab.

Present day Lisbon and Bosco watched the Sam Bosco of a decade ago stare after the cab that'd just pulled away. After a few seconds he got into his own cab and headed in the opposite direction.

"I wondered for ages what you were thanking me for you know," Bosco told her. "Took me a while but I think I figured it out."

Lisbon ducked her head. "I wasn't used to being able to trust people," she admitted. "Not after..." She trailed off, unable to find the words.

"I'm honoured you chose me," Bosco said quickly..

She scuffed her foot awkwardly. "Yeah well," she muttered. "You saved my life more than once, and you taught me a lot."

"Hey, you saved mine right back," he reminded her. "We made a good team."

"Yeah, we did," she admitted. "You never broke my trust."

"You sure about that?" Bosco asked.

Lisbon glanced up. "Sam?" she asked.

"Come on Teresa," Bosco said with a sigh. "Let's go."

"I'm guessing we're going to..."

Bosco nodded, "To the day I let you down."

xxxxx

The world re-materialized in a booth at that very same bar. It was a few years later. Lisbon noticed her hair was getting longer again. She and her ghostly ex-partner stood off to the side in silence, watching their younger selves.

"Graves is dead," an obviously agitated Teresa Lisbon hissed across the table to her partner.

"I know," Bosco said softly.

"He was killed two nights ago," she repeated. "The day after you..."

"We weren't going to catch him," Bosco interrupted. "He was never going to go to jail for what he did."

"You don't know that!" she snapped, barely remembering in time to keep her voice down.

"You weren't supposed to find out," Bosco said tiredly.

"I was worried about you," Lisbon explained. "You were acting so strangely that day in the office. You weren't answering your cell. I even called your house. Thank god I got the machine so I didn't end up scaring the crap out of Mandy when I told her you weren't with me. I'm assuming you told her you had to work late."

"How'd you find me anyway?" Bosco asked her. "I mean, I'd been standing by the bridge for hours by the time you showed up," he pointed out.

Lisbon shrugged. "I knew something was wrong. And somehow I just knew what it was. So I found you. I wish I'd found you earlier."

"You wouldn't have been able to talk me out of it," Bosco told her.

"I don't think you'd have done it if it'd have incriminated me," Lisbon shot back.

"Bad enough you basically saw me toss the damn gun in the water," Bosco muttered.

Lisbon shrugged. "What now?"

"Only a matter of time before they ask me where I was two nights ago," Bosco replied.

"You'll need an alibi," Lisbon said matter-of-factly.

Bosco glanced up at her. "No," he said firmly.

"What're you going to do about it?" she asked, almost amused.

"I forbid it," he told her in his most commanding tone.

"Yeah, and if I tell 'em you were with me what're you going to do?" Lisbon asked. "Call me a liar? Confess? Then I get arrested for attempting to conceal a crime. No. You won't do that Sam. If I want to give you an alibi there's not a thing you can do to stop me. In fact, it's probably best if you just go along with it. After all, our stories sure as hell better match."

Bosco just stared at her in shock.

"Now I," she told him. "Happened to be rather conveniently picking up some stuff from an old friend's. They weren't home but I had a spare key. I'd mentioned it earlier in the week, and you, being the chivalrous guy that you are, offered to come along and help me lug it into my car. As luck would have it I even used my friend's phone to call your wife so there's a phone record that someone was there. Now it would only make sense for you to call and check in with your wife, let her know you'd be home soon, now wouldn't it? Hell, we can even go over there and put your fingerprints on stuff just to be thorough. Who's to know? We both know you've been doing this job long enough that you won't have left any forensic evidence at the crime scene. And no witnesses have come forward."

"Lisbon, Teresa, I can't let you..." Bosco stuttered.

She just shrugged, "You have no choice Sam. I won't let you go to jail. And the world won't miss Simon Graves."

"No!" Bosco snapped, stopping himself just in time from slamming his hand down on the table. "Don't you dare start thinking like that! Not you! You're the last person I'd _ever_ predict to go dirty, to let the power go to your head. Don't _you_ start thinking you can take the law into your own hands!"

"Is that what you think?" Lisbon asked furiously. "Is that why you think I'm doing this? Because I think you were _right_? I can't _believe_ you did this Sam. I just... I just _can't_. I feel like... I thought I knew you! I don't care if Graves _was_ gonna walk. That doesn't give you the right to just _kill_ him! That's not how it works. Our job isn't to decide if he goes to jail. Our job is to figure out who committed the crime and bring him in. We let the lawyers handle the rest. That's what you always told me at least."

Bosco ran a hand over his face, "I know."

But Lisbon wasn't done, "And then you go and... Jesus Sam. You think I'm taking this _lightly_?"

"He was killing children," Bosco reminded her.

"I know," she said, her tone softening just a bit.

"Little girls, the last one was my daughter's age," he reminded her.

"_I know._"

He sighed. "I'm sorry Lisbon."

"I don't want an apology," she told him truthfully.

"What do you want?" he wondered.

"_I don't know!_" she hissed angrily. _"_Promise me you'll never do anything like this again."

"It's not like I'm going to turn into a vigilante overnight Teresa," he pointed out.

"_Promise me_," she repeated.

He nodded. "Okay, I promise."

"Okay," Lisbon said, leaning back in the booth.

"Now you promise me that you won't be tempted to follow my example," Bosco told her.

"Oh, I promise. Believe me," Lisbon said dryly.

"You can barely look me in the eye right now, can you?" he wondered.

"I'm angry with you," she corrected. "I don't hate you. I understand, in a way."

"Thank you Teresa," he said sincerely.

"Don't mention it," she muttered.

"Seriously..." he tried again. He knew what she was doing. He knew what it would cost her.

"I really don't want to talk about it," she repeated.

Bosco sighed. "Are we gonna be okay?" he asked, half dreading the answer.

She looked at him then. "Of course," she said quickly. "You're my partner."

"Good," he told her.

The two lapsed into silence.

"I wanted to believe you," the present day Bosco told her. "But I don't think I ever really did. I knew something had changed. Took me a little while to admit it though. After all, the panic had to subside first so I could think clearly."

"I tried to act like nothing had changed," Lisbon said softly. "I had to so as to not look suspicious."

"But you didn't trust me anymore," Bosco said. "Or maybe you did in a way, but not like you used to. Not in exactly the same way."

"I did trust you, sort of," Lisbon agreed. "I don't know. It... It was complicated."

"You said we were fine, but you applied to the CBI less than six months later," Bosco reminded her.

"Career advancement," Lisbon said dryly.

"Which is why no one thought it was suspicious timing," Bosco agreed with a nod. "Well that and Graves had been all but forgotten by then. Not much work goes into investigating the murder of a child-killer."

"Sam..." Lisbon said softly.

"May as well bite the bullet and admit it Teresa," he told her. "You trusted me, and I betrayed you."

"You did what you had to do," Lisbon countered.

He smiled at her, "Not an excuse."

"It wasn't an excuse," she shrugged. "It was an explanation."

"Must have been a blow though," Bosco added. "The first man you trust in a long time and I go and do that to you."

Lisbon ran a hand through her hair in irritation. "What do you want from me Sam? Would you feel better if I told you that was true? If I blamed everything on you? Because sorry, but things are more complicated than that."

"I'm sure I didn't help," Bosco pointed out. "And I am sorry for that."

"You said that already," Lisbon muttered. "More than once. And I thought we agreed not to talk about this again."

"I don't think that promise was meant to extend beyond the grave. And you threatened to talk about it a year ago," Bosco reminded her gently.

Lisbon just shrugged. "Sorry about that."

He shrugged. "Won't say I enjoyed the experience, but I probably deserved it. I was gunning for a member of your team after all.

"Always protect your people," she said softly. "You always used to say that."

"Yeah, well, from what I can tell it was hardly something anyone needed to tell you," Bosco said. "And even if you used my style as model. You perfected the art."

"Well, Jane needs a lot of protecting," Lisbon said wryly.

Bosco rolled his eyes. "He sure does."

"I've never met a person who gets in more trouble," Lisbon added.

Bosco grinned. Most of her complaining always had been for show. "For all your whining you've managed to work with him for quite a while," he couldn't resist pointing out.

Lisbon's shoulders stiffened. "He solves cases," she said quickly.

"So you've said. I didn't believe you the first time you told me that, and I don't believe that's all it is now," Bosco replied.

Lisbon glanced at him, obviously scandalized. "You're not honestly suggesting..."

"That you're involved?" Bosco asked with a half a laugh. "No. But you're fond of him. You do like him. More than you think you should sometimes."

"Of course I like him," Lisbon shot back. "It's kind of hard not to sometimes."

Bosco chuckled. "It's not as hard as you'd think."

She smirked. "Quite a number of California's prominent citizens seem to agree with you."

"So you work with him, you protect him, even like him. Do you trust him?" Sam asked her gently.

"Jane?" Lisbon sounded shocked by the idea. "Of course not."

"Is it that ridiculous an idea?" her former partner asked.

"Of course it is!" Lisbon expostulated. "He never does a thing I say. Hell, half the time he doesn't even seem to care what I say."

"You trust him to close your cases," Bosco reminded her.

"What?" Lisbon asked. "Well, yeah, I guess. He's good at the job," she admitted. "I know _that._"

"Good," Bosco told her. "I'd hate to think you'd have forgotten that fact after all the trouble you went to to shove the idea down _my_ throat."

"You came around in the end," Lisbon reminded him. "Like I knew you would."

"Or I just gave up," Bosco countered quickly. "Jane wore me down."

Lisbon's smile slipped off her face. "Yeah, I know what that's like," she agreed.

"Teresa..."

"Maybe you were right about Jane," she told him. "Maybe he is going to get someone killed one of these days. Probably me."

"Do you really think Minelli would have hired him if he thought that was the case?" Bosco asked.

"Minelli hired him before we knew just how nuts he was," Lisbon countered quickly. "We found that out later. Right around the first Red John case we worked."

"Maybe Virgil thought you could handle it," Bosco suggested.

Lisbon scoffed.

"Or maybe," Bosco suggested softly, "You always hid as much of Jane's crazy as you could."

Lisbon didn't reply.

"_Or_ did you let your fondness for the man blind you," Bosco suggested. "You protected your team. Just like Minelli knew you would."

"Well that's ridiculous!" Lisbon finally exclaimed. "After all, I could barely _stand_ Jane for the first few years we worked together."

"Is that so?" Bosco asked, clearly amused.

"Yes!" she insisted. "He was annoying. Like I said, he never did anything I said. He went over my head and around me, and generally made my life difficult. So yeah, he sounds really awesome; I'm sure he really cares."

"Well, why don't we see about that?" Sam asked with a full-blown grin.

Lisbon paused in her rant, realizing she'd walked right into this. "Oh fine," she muttered. "Let's go."

xxxxx

The scene faded from around them a second time. In its place the CBI bullpen materialized.

"Huh," Lisbon said. "I see Van Pelt hasn't joined the team yet, but Jane's been here for a while."

"How can you tell?" Bosco asked curiously. "He's not even in the room."

"The couch," Lisbon replied with a shrug.

Bosco looked across the room. The couch appeared to be exactly where he'd always remembered it being. "Did it use to be somewhere else before Jane got here?" he asked.

"Nope," Lisbon told him.

"Then how?" he asked.

Lisbon sighed. "Trust me, I just know."

Before Sam could inquire further they were interrupted by the arrival of Patrick Jane himself. He sauntered into the bullpen, nodded to Cho and Rigsby who were already at their desks, and lay down on his couch.

A few seconds later Lisbon from a few years ago walked down the hall, obviously just arriving for the day. "Morning guys, morning Jane," she called.

A chorus of "Morning Lisbon" reached her ears.

Lisbon heard her past self rummaging around in her office before she heard something slam down with a loud bang. Then she saw herself come storming back into the bullpen. "JANE!" she very nearly bellowed.

"Something wrong Lisbon?" Jane asked innocently.

"Is something wrong?" she repeated incredulously. "Damn right something's wrong! You broke into my office you idiot!"

"Now Lisbon are you sure you're not being just a little bit paranoid?" Jane asked, his tone indulgent. "What makes you think anybody was in your office?"

"I'm a cop you lying cretin! I know when someone's been through my things," she snapped.

"I put everything back exactly where it was," Jane said easily.

"HAH!" Lisbon said triumphantly. "So you admit it. You _were_ in my office."

"Well yes," Jane admitted with a shrug. "But you knew that already."

"Of course I knew that already," Lisbon said with a wave of her hand. "Nobody else would dare break into my locked office. How did you get in anyway?"

Now it was Jane's turn to look annoyed. "Don't insult me woman. Those locks couldn't keep a blind badger out."

Momentarily thrown by the comparison, Lisbon paused. Then she quickly shook her head, took a deep breath and began again. "And may I ask _why_ you felt the need to break into my office?" she asked, her tone dangerous.

Jane shrugged again. "I was curious."

Lisbon was struck dumb. "You... you were _curious_? You broke into my office because you were _curious_?"

"Well, you never tell me anything about yourself..." Jane started to explain.

"So you thought that gave you license to just break in and snoop for yourself?" Lisbon asked scandalized.

"Well..." Jane said guiltily.

"Jane, I know you don't follow the same rules as other, _normal,_ people do," Lisbon told him. "I'm trying to deal with that. Honestly I am. You're useful to my team, but if you ever break into my office again I'll have you transferred so fast you won't know what hit you."

Jane grinned brightly, "That's good to know Lisbon. I honestly had no idea it would be such a big deal..."

"Yes you did," Lisbon interrupted. "You knew exactly what you were doing and how I'd react to it Patrick Jane. Consider this your one warning."

"Why'd you keep the photo of your family in your desk drawer instead of somewhere people can see it?" Jane asked, apparently ignoring her ire.

Lisbon froze. So did Rigsby and Cho, who up until that time had been sitting at their desks, trying to look as unobtrusive as possible, while secretly watching the entire thing. "That's personal Jane," she told him.

"Well obviously," Jane replied. "Interesting too."

"I'm glad my life is fascinating to you Jane," Lisbon told him evenly, after taking a deep breath. "But it's also none of your business. It's absolutely not relevant to the job we have to do."

"Okay," Jane said. "Then can we talk about the team evaluations on your desk?" he asked. "Those are relevant."

Lisbon closed her eyes briefly, obviously trying to get a rein on her rising temper. "Those are also _confidential_," she hissed.

Jane shrugged. "We can just talk about mine then," he told her. "I don't mind."

"Jane..."

"Do you really think that my abilities are '_an asset to the team, and often instrumental in closing the cases,'_?" he asked with a grin.

Lisbon didn't deign to reply.

"Your assessment of my personality was less complimentary though," Jane admitted. "I believed the adjectives you used were _undisciplined, arrogant_ and what was the other one... oh yes, _untrustworthy._ I'm almost hurt Lisbon."

"You broke into my office Jane!" Lisbon snapped. "That's hardly an advertisement for your trustworthiness!"

"You had to know I'd try it sometime," Jane told her. "Or you wouldn't have tried to hide your guilty pleasure. Your hiding skills need work of course," he added. "But M&M's? Really Lisbon? That's the best you could do?"

Lisbon suddenly grinned. "That's the worst thing you found?" she asked him. "Interesting."

Jane's interest was obviously piqued. "There's more?" he asked hopefully.

"You'll never know," she shot back. "Because I'm getting a new lock put on my door. And you're never breaking in again if you want to stay on my team."

"How did you know I was in there?" he asked curiously.

"You left the files out of order," Lisbon told him dismissively.

Jane sighed. "I should have know you'd be that anal retentive about everything."

"Hey, it helped me catch you," Lisbon shot back.

Jane nodded in acknowledgement. "True."

"Now get back to work," she told him. Then she paused to consider. "Never mind, I'm going to get back to work. You, at least try and stay out of trouble would you?"

With that she was gone.

Present-day Lisbon turned to her companion. "See?" she asked triumphantly. "This just proved my point! Jane is absolutely not trustworthy. Everything's just another puzzle to him."

Bosco just put a finger to his lips and gestured towards the room.

"Bad luck with the files man," Rigsby told Jane sympathetically.

Jane looked over. "What do you mean?" he asked curiously.

Rigsby coughed nervously. "Leaving them out of order," he clarified. "You almost got away with it."

Jane sent the man a beaming smile.

"You left the files out of order on purpose," Cho said matter-of-factly.

Jane just settled back into his couch.

"Wait, you wanted Lisbon to notice?" Rigsby asked, obviously confused. "Why?"

"I'm sure an experienced CBI agent like yourself can figure that out," Jane told the other man.

Rigsby turned to Cho, who shrugged.

"You wanted her to come out and yell at you?" Rigsby asked. "To see how she'd react? You've got to stop messing with the boss Jane."

Jane just shrugged. "I left her some chocolate," he defended. "Better chocolate than her M&M's too."

Rigsby sighed, clearly deciding Jane was a lost cause. "I'm going to get some coffee. Anyone else want some?" he asked.

"No thanks," Cho said immediately.

"I'll have a cup of tea," Jane piped up. "But don't forget..."

"To put the milk in first," Rigsby finished in annoyance. "I know."

"Thanks," Jane replied.

"So why'd you really let Lisbon figure out you'd broken into her office?" Cho asked once the other man was gone.

"What makes you think I wasn't just messing with her?" Jane asked curiously.

"You weren't," Cho told him. "So why?"

Jane didn't answer.

"You felt guilty about snooping in her office without her knowing didn't you?" Cho asked. "Feel like the fact that she knows about it absolves you somehow?"

Jane opened his eyes in mild surprise but didn't say anything.

Cho held his gaze for a second before shrugging. "Next time just tell her you like her," he advised the other man.

That got the consultant's attention. "What?" he asked in shocked amusement.

"Lisbon," Cho clarified. "You haven't bothered breaking into Rigsby's and my stuff. Or if you did you didn't tell us. Which means Lisbon's special. So next time just buy her some chocolate like a normal person."

"You seem pretty sure you're right," Jane remarked.

"You're not the only person who notices things," Cho said with a shrug.

The conversation tapered off when Rigsby walked in with two mugs. "Here," he said. "And I put the milk in first."

Jane nodded absently and took his tea.

Rigsby looked between his two colleagues. "Okay, what'd I miss?"

"Nothing," Jane told him with an easy grin.

"Jane likes Lisbon best," Cho said.

This time it was Rigsby's turn to shrug. "No kidding."

When it became clear the three men weren't going to say anything else, present-day Lisbon finally spoke. "He did it on purpose?" she asked.

"Is that a surprise?" Bosco asked her.

"Maybe... I... I guess not," she admitted. "After all, he did leave the chocolate. I always did wonder a bit about that. But why didn't he just..."

"Ask you about your family? Or about your opinion of him?" Bosco asked in disbelief. "Well, the first question you wouldn't have answered. The second, well, you know as well as I do that Patrick Jane's nowhere near as secure in himself as he wants people to believe."

Lisbon's expression softened and she glanced at the man on the couch. "Still, he did break into my office," she reminded Bosco.

"I know," Bosco said.

"And of course Jane couldn't just come out and say that he liked working on my team," Lisbon muttered.

"Yeah, because you're so good at the direct compliments yourself," Bosco pointed out.

Lisbon scowled. "Alright, so it matters to him a little what I think," she said. "He still makes my life unbelievably difficult."

"That's true," Bosco said. With that the bullpen faded again.

xxxxx

In its place an image of the team on a case in Palm Springs appeared.

"Hey, I remember this," Lisbon said. "We'd just closed the copy-cat Red John case. It was Van Pelt's first case with the team. Jane was definitely a pain in the ass on this one."

Bosco smirked. "What else is new?"

"Nothing," Lisbon admitted. "And that's exactly what I mean. Jane figured out what's going on almost immediately, but instead of telling us he screwed with us like we were his own little set of toy detectives, complete with overly frustrated boss. Then he went romping through the victim's family's emotional issues and had the time of his life. And then if that wasn't enough, he confronted the killer, _alone_, nearly getting himself killed in the process. I mean, yeah, sometimes it's the only way to get stuff done, but sometimes he just does it because he _can._"

"He does like you guys though," Bosco said.

"Whatever," Lisbon muttered.

As if on cue, Jane walked into the room. "Closed case doughnuts are here," he said. When nobody on the team even looked at him he continued. "I just went to get sleeping pills. I swear to God. I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go."

Watching from the present Lisbon rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help noticing Jane looked genuinely crestfallen that his peace offering wasn't having much effect. She watched as he defended himself to her team, none of whom looked particularly forgiving, though Rigsby did take a doughnut.

Then Jane turned his attention to his boss. Trying to look contrite he wandered over to her desk in the past.

"Don't even start, I'm still angry," she told him.

"I'm sorry," he told her.

"No you're not," she snapped back.

Jane gravely placed an origami frog on her desk.

"Oh, a frog. Well that makes everything better, doesn't it?" past-Lisbon snarked.

But she couldn't resist a grin when the frog hopped.

Present-day Lisbon couldn't help noticing Jane watching her and grinning when she jumped. "I always did give in too easily," she muttered.

Bosco smirked. "You couldn't help it," he replied. "You still can't. You know as well as I do that you've still got the damn frog, and all the other little origami animals he's given you."

"They're cute," she defended.

Bosco shrugged. "Yeah, because you don't enjoy it," he told her. The scene faded out. In rapid succession Lisbon was treated to images of her and Jane eating muffins on his couch, of watching him locate hidden objects at the CBI, of his little parlour tricks, of her trying to outsmart him while he grinned maddeningly at her, of dancing with him at a high school reunion, or wearing ridiculously expensive jewellery he decided to buy her, or dining at ridiculously expensive restaurants after driving there in a ridiculously fancy car.

"Okay, I admit it," Lisbon said, watching her past self giggling over desert while Jane regaled her with stories. "He's fun. But, I can't trust him. Do I really need to list the number of times he's lied to me? What about when he made me think I was dying? What about when he got himself sent to jail? What about the whole Hightower fiasco? He knew it was my job on the line if he was insane. But he didn't care enough to change his behaviour even the slightest and I got suspended!"

"Oh yeah," Bosco said. "He didn't care alright. You think he liked Hightower's little deal she made? Threatening your job?"

"How the hell would I know?" Lisbon asked. "It sure worked in his favour."

Bosco shook his head and the image of Jane doing card-tricks for an amused Teresa Lisbon faded from view only to be replaced by Hightower's office, where the Director of the CBI and Patrick Jane were in the middle of a, well, a discussion.

"I know you're not giving me relationship advice so I have to wonder why you would go there. I'm guess it's your way of expressing unhappiness," Hightower was saying. Obviously Jane had just said something completely inappropriate and likely completely invasive to the new director of the CBI.

"Mhm," Jane agreed. "Could be."

Hightower decided to take that as agreement, "I guess it's your way of saying you're unhappy with the way I'm handling Lisbon."

"We spend a lot of time with each other and when she's unhappy I'm less happy," Jane explained carefully. "It's human nature."

"Yes it is," Hightower agreed.

Lisbon was downright shocked by the admission. She'd never in a million years expected to ever hear Patrick Jane admit (more or less) that he cared about her. Especially not to Hightower. He'd been too busy playing with the new Director's mind in those first few weeks that Lisbon had just assumed he'd barely considered her for a moment.

Bosco turned to her. "You look surprised. You know Jane's mind at its core is relatively simple. He cares for you. Hightower made your life difficult. So he made her life difficult. That's how he works. I grant you it's not the most diplomatic of approaches, which is why he gets into trouble. But he does try, in his way."

"Yeah, well, sometimes his way sucks. I still got suspended," Lisbon pointed out.

"Yeah, and Jane didn't care about that either did he?" Bosco asked sarcastically.

Now it was time for Hightower's office to disappear. In its place a slightly grimier Lisbon and Jane were standing in a storage container. Well, Jane was standing calmly by the window. Lisbon was banging on the side of the container and yelling.

"Can't really see anything," Jane remarked absently. "There's kind of a draft right here though. You can feel it, just there."

But his companion was ignoring him, "No food, no water. This is not good." Past Lisbon remarked.

Apparently finally noticing how upset she was Jane tried a joke. "Well, I suppose we should draw straws to see who eats who first," he suggested.

"Yeah right," Lisbon said looking almost amused, though not in a good way. "Draw straws with a professional cheat."

"Why so grumpy?" Jane asked. "It's not like we're gonna die here. The Drapers don't want us dead. Come here and get a little bit of this breeze. It'll cheer you up. C'mere," he told her, standing behind her at the grate on the side of the container. "Not quite as nice as a river breeze but, t'sokay. Feeling that?"

"Mhm," Lisbon admitted.

"Good." Jane blew out a huff of air.

"River breeze," Lisbon murmured. Then she turned towards him suddenly, "Wait a minute, I live nowhere near the docks."

"Well that's good it's a terrible neighbourhood," Jane said.

"You said you called me because I was closer but the HQ's only fifteen minutes from the docks," Lisbon reminded him.

Jane shrugged and tried to brush of her observation. "I'm just, I'm bad with distances. Always have been."

But Past-Lisbon wasn't fooled for a minute. In fact she looked almost triumphant. "Patrick Jane, you were trying to help me. You were," she insisted. She watched Jane's eyes dart across her face, trying to read her. "You thought if I made a big bust the PSU would get off my back," Lisbon realized.

Patrick Jane smiled his default smile, the one he used when he was trying to hide genuine emotion. "You know I'm always gonna save you Lisbon, whether you like it or not," he told her.

The smile slipped off his companion's face. "I don't need to be saved," she told him bluntly. "I knew that this would end in disaster the day I signed on with you. One day I'm going to get fired because of you. That's just the way it is."

Her reaction obviously didn't please her companion. "Well some people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place."

"Catch a lot of bad guys," Lisbon told him with a shrug. "Most days that's enough. Also I..."

But Jane interrupted her. "Sh. I think I hear something."

"Where?" she asked hopefully.

"There's someone out there," Jane insisted.

The two began yelling and directing their rescuer to the door.

"I told you I would save you Lisbon," Jane said triumphantly.

Lisbon was obviously too relieved at being rescued to bother replying.

Lisbon and Bosco watched as the formerly trapped pair followed a boy and his goat out of the storage container.

"You lied you know," Bosco told Present Day Lisbon softly.

"When?" she asked confused.

Bosco grinned, "You didn't really think Jane would get you fired when you first met him. I know you. And I know you didn't."

"Well, I certainly didn't think he'd be _good_ for my career," Lisbon pointed out. "I mean, I knew he'd make my job about ten times more difficult."

"Yeah, but you couldn't have possibly been that pessimistic," Bosco replied.

"Maybe I got sick of watching too many scumbags get away so I figured, why not get a little inventive?" Lisbon suggested, though she knew he wouldn't really buy it.

He didn't. "You, Always-Follow-the-Rules-Lisbon?" Bosco asked. "I don't believe it."

"I don't always follow the rules. You know that," she reminded him gently, hoping the guilt would make him drop the subject.

Bosco sighed, but didn't pursue that train of thought. There was nothing else to say. Instead he decided to change the subject, though not in the way Lisbon was hoping he would. "What were you going to say?" he asked.

"When?"

"When Jane cut you off when your rescuer appeared," Bosco clarified. "Why else do you keep him around? Truth time Teresa. There's no one here but me, and I'm dead. You've got nothing to lose."

Lisbon paused. After a moment she gave the real answer. "Where else would he go?" she asked.

"Probably off in search of Red John on his own," Bosco admitted. "If he didn't just self-destruct without the routine of the CBI before that point."

"He'd be dead in month, or worse," Lisbon said.

"So you keep him around because you're worried about him," Bosco concluded.

"And I know he has nothing else to do," Lisbon shot back defensively. "He's a pain in the ass, but he really doesn't have anything else. I can't abandon him to his death."

"You care about him," Bosco supplied.

"Unfortunately," she said dryly.

Bosco smiled affectionately, "You're a good person Teresa."

"Yeah, well, he's still going to get me in trouble in the end," Lisbon said, ignoring the compliment. "Jane couldn't even check his behaviour when he knew it'd get me in trouble. I'm sure he got so caught up in some stupid scheme to solve the case that it didn't even occur to him what might happen to me because of it."

"He does want to help though," Bosco reminded her. "Even you saw it eventually."

"Wouldn't have needed help if he'd cooperated in the first place," Lisbon pointed out.

"No," Bosco agreed. "But that's not how Jane works. You know that."

"I know," Lisbon said tiredly. "That just makes it worse somehow."

"If you want to use Jane's methods to solve cases you're also going to have to put up with them in other areas of your life," he told her.

Lisbon paused for a minute. "I know," she said finally. "I just... I don't know. I don't know what I was hoping anymore. I don't know how I thought things would work.

"And while you look out for Jane who looks out for you Teresa?" Bosco asked her.

Lisbon shrugged. "Minelli used to."

Bosco frowned at the past tense. "You don't think Hightower does?"

"Sometimes," Lisbon told him honestly. "But bottom line is that it's Jane she thinks is invaluable, not me. So I kinda get a little screwed there."

Bosco's jaw tightened. He knew enough of Madeleine Hightower's methods to know that he definitely wasn't a fan. Not that he'd ever say it. It wouldn't do anyone any good. "Why not let Jane look out for you?" he suggested instead. "He obviously wants to."

Lisbon laughed. "Yeah, _great_ idea. The man we both pretty much just agreed is so unstable he'd self-destruct without the CBI."

"You know part of the reason you were so upset about the whole thing is that a small part of you was secretly hoping that Jane actually would hold up his end of Hightower's deal," Bosco pointed out gently. He knew she was feeling a bit blindsided and defensive about this whole ordeal, but he was getting tired of her constant denials. "A part of you was hoping that he would change his behaviour to let you keep your job. That's something at least."

"Yeah, and look where my optimism got me," Lisbon shot back. "Now I figure it's easier to just assume he'll let me down, that he'll lie to me. Anyway, like I said, I can look after myself."

"Yeah you're doing a bang up job of that," Bosco said sarcastically.

"Hey! You have no right," Lisbon started to object.

But Bosco interrupted her, "You keep saying that you can take care of yourself, that you don't need saving Teresa, but I think you secretly want someone to try."

"Don't be ridiculous," Lisbon snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't lie to me," he shot back. An angry Teresa Lisbon may have intimidated many people, but Sam Bosco was not one of him.

The pair stared at each other in angry silence.

"Okay fine," Lisbon bit out eventually. "Maybe I _would_ like someone I can count on. Who wouldn't? It's not a crime. But let's face it; it's not going to happen. Like you said, I learned early on I couldn't count on anybody," she justified. "Maybe not even you."

"At least Jane's trying," Bosco reminded her, trying to ignore the hurt her last shot brought with it. He knew she was getting desperate for any excuse to change the subject.

"Oh god, not Jane again," Lisbon said in exasperation. "Seriously, I know you guys got over your differences but this is ridiculous."

"Why?" he asked curiously.

Lisbon gaped at him. "Oh, I don't know, beyond what's already been covered how about the fact that he's devoting his entire existence to murdering a serial killer."

Bosco winced because it was certainly a valid point. "Maybe he won't go through with it."

"Yeah, I used to hope that," Lisbon snapped bitterly. "Just like I used to hope that Jane might change his behaviour to help me out a little. Like when I got suspended. Like when I blackmailed _you_ to get him out of prison. I always hoped. And I told myself this would be the _last time. _I'm sick of hoping."

"Teresa..."

But Lisbon had had enough, "NO! The last time someone I cared about killed someone in cold blood I helped cover it up. If you'll remember it destroyed our partnership. Now Jane plans on doing the same thing. What am I supposed to do with that? I already lost one partner that way. What would you have me do Sam? Tell me, because I'd dearly love to know!"

"He hasn't killed anybody yet," Bosco reminded her.

"But he will," Lisbon said tiredly, the anger seeping out of her.

"Maybe you can change his mind," Bosco suggested.

"That's not my job!" Lisbon snapped.

"Well, technically as an officer of the law..." Bosco said with a smile.

But Lisbon was having none of it. "No, it's not my job to protect Patrick Jane, at least not at the expense of everything and everyone else, including myself. He'll make his own choices. And nothing I say or do will change them. He's made that perfectly clear! Even if he is fond of me on some level."

"He chose your life over a potential connection to Red John," Bosco reminded her.

"He never thought Sherriff Hardy would tell us anything," Lisbon contradicted, knowing immediately what Sam was talking about. "And besides, that could have been reflex anyway. Reaction to seeing a gun pointed at someone and all."

"Which means his reflex is to protect you."

"You know Sam, I don't remember you being this irritating when you were alive," Lisbon muttered.

"Teresa, that man's impulse is to protect you." Bosco insisted. "He's not always _good_ at it, but he is trying."

"Why are you defending him?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"Because I know exactly where he's coming from," Bosco told her truthfully. "In the end he might turn out to be better at it than I was."

"Oh come on," Lisbon said, scoffing at the idea.

"I'll show you," Bosco told her.

xxxxx


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

xxxxx

With that the scene faded to Minelli's office where Lisbon saw herself, Bosco and Minelli talking together, all three of their expressions serious. And while they should be, she was a murder suspect.

"Okay seriously?" she asked. "Is this romp through my past _designed_ to touch on all of the most depressing parts?" she asked. "And you have the nerve to call my mood into question. After the past couple of years I've had, it's a miracle I'm as cheerful as I am!"

Bosco shrugged, not contrite in the slightest. "You got through this once," he reminded her.

The pair watched as Jane barged his way into the meeting.

Lisbon smirked. She couldn't help it.

"You have no idea how irritated I was when Jane just wandered in like he owned the place," Bosco told her. "Neither you nor Minelli even batted an eye."

"Too accustomed to it I suppose," Lisbon said with a laugh. "You were still getting used to Jane at this point."

"Well, that and I was worried about you," Bosco admitted.

"Worried about me?" Lisbon asked, clearly shocked. "What did you think Jane was going to do?"

"I don't know," Bosco told her. "But he was determined he was going to be in the room, to look out for you."

"Or he was just curious," Lisbon suggested. "Wanted to stick it to you a little bit."

"Well, that may have been a small part of it," Bosco admitted. "And I'll admit he _may_ have succeeded on that front. A little."

Lisbon glanced over, obviously startled. "What?" she asked in surprise.

Bosco sighed. "I was jealous as hell Teresa. And I knew I had no right to be. But it was clear you were perfectly comfortable having him in that room. God, I think you _wanted_ him there. You had a new partner looking out for you, and I didn't approve."

"Sam! We hadn't worked together in years. We both had whole new teams!" Lisbon pointed out, a little bit scandalized.

"I know," Bosco admitted. "You know as well as I do how irrational jealousy can be. Besides, I was used to being the one to help you out of a jam. If nothing else I wanted to... well... nevermind."

Lisbon looked at him for a moment. "If it makes you feel any better I was relieved when Minelli ushered you in through that door and put you in charge of the case."

"Yeah I proved to be real great at making you feel better," Bosco muttered.

"Huh?" Lisbon asked.

He gestured back to the conversation that was still going on in the background.

"No," Lisbon heard herself say. "I didn't kill McTeer."

"Nobody said you did yet," Bosco replied.

"Yet?" Past-Lisbon asked, clearly shocked and hurt. With that she got up and left the room.

"Good luck with your case," Jane told Bosco, before leaving as well.

There was silence in the room as the past faded to a gentle whir in the background.

"I'm sorry about that Teresa," Bosco told her. "I didn't mean..."

"I know," Lisbon told him. "And I have to admit, I did sound pretty guilty, not remembering where I'd been and all that."

"Yeah, you did," Bosco agreed. "But I didn't mean to imply that I thought you'd done it."

"Oh come on Sam," Lisbon said. "The thought had to have crossed your mind, especially after..."

"After you'd already proved to be a little less than scrupulous where the rules were concerned?" Bosco asked. "Okay, maybe for a minute I was worried you'd done exactly what I did a few years ago. But I didn't really think you'd actually killed McTeer."

"Don't worry about it," Lisbon said with a shrug. "At that point even I wasn't sure if I'd done it."

"Still... I could have handled it better," he told her.

"We all could have," Lisbon told him.

Bosco shrugged. "Jane seemed to do pretty well."

Lisbon sighed. "Jane doesn't have to follow any rules," she reminded him.

"He was still the one you turned to," Bosco reminded her.

"Sam..."

Bosco looked at her in disbelief, "You let him _hypnotize_ you Teresa."

"I was _desperate_," she shot back.

"What do you think I'd have done if you told me you couldn't remember the night of the murder?" he asked her curiously.

"I don't know," she admitted. "Legally you would have been required..."

"Screw legally," he snapped.

"I know, really I do Sam," Lisbon assured him. "And I wanted to believe that, but well... I was freaked out. Beyond freaked out actually. I couldn't _remember_ what'd happened. And if there's one thing that I can always count on Jane for it's that he won't give a damn about the law. He'll do whatever he wants to hell with the consequences. That sort of thinking would have been especially handy if I'd actually committed murder."

"I guess that's true," Bosco admitted. "Still, that's a hell of a lot of trust."

"Or a hell of a lot of desperation," she pointed out dryly.

"Stubborn woman," he said with a laugh.

"You know you always thought that was one of my best qualities," Lisbon told him playfully.

"Some of the time," Bosco admitted as the scene faded out.

Things came back into focus in Lisbon's apartment. "Let's just do this, let's just go," Lisbon was saying. She barely recognized her own voice; she was so obviously stressed beyond her normal limits.

"No," Jane replied.

"No?" Lisbon asked in disbelief.

"No. I'm not going to hypnotize you Lisbon," Jane assured her. "You're too stressed."

"Wha... Are you kidding me?" Past-Lisbon asked again.

"Now it's okay," Jane said as he placed his hands on her shoulders. "Shh. It's okay. I have to make all the stress leave your body. Maybe have you count down from 100, 99, 98, we go round and round, 94, 93... Listen to me Lisbon, all the stress will have to melt away. You'd have to feel calm and relaxed and very safe. It's just about impossible. I am _not_ hypnotizing you Lisbon. It's not going to happen so you can just relax. You are not falling into a deep, relaxed, trance state. Sleep."

Bosco and Lisbon watched as Past-Lisbon fell onto Jane's shoulder and he patted her head. Then he slowly led her to a chair and sat down opposite her.

"He sure knew the best way to get you to relax," Bosco remarked. "Only you would be hypnotized by someone telling you they weren't going to hypnotize you."

"Yeah, well, forgive me if I was a little nervous about the whole thing," Lisbon snapped. She couldn't help it. She was on edge again. Just watching Jane hypnotize her felt like such an invasion of her privacy. It was interesting, but she still felt so very vulnerable, even knowing how it ended. Maybe even especially knowing how it ended. She really wished that Sam would just go away.

But of course he didn't. The two of them stood there quietly, watching Jane bring her fully under hypnosis. They watched as Jane began to ask her about her day, to ask inappropriate, irrelevant questions that Lisbon wanted to kill him for. Then he finally got to the point, where she'd been at the time of the murder.

Unfortunately it was obvious that Lisbon couldn't remember the answer to that question, and that was frightening her.

Jane tried to calm her down, but it was no use. It was becoming obvious that Lisbon absolutely couldn't remember where she'd been and the idea was terrifying to her. Even Jane couldn't calm her, so he woke her up instead, his tone gentle, as he put his hand on her forehead.

Her lost memories were obviously puzzling to him.

Lisbon watched herself try to play it off as a joke, but it didn't work. "Why can't I remember?" she eventually asked him in obvious terror.

"It's interesting, isn't it?" Jane countered almost clinically. If Lisbon hadn't known he was clearly considering the situation she'd have wanted to punch him.

Her past self was obviously not impressed. "Yeah. Yeah it's interesting," she said caustically.

Jane made a non-committal sound in response, his mind still otherwise occupied.

Lisbon looked at herself. She remembered the feeling. Her last hope of figuring out what she'd actually done the night of the murder had been destroyed. She'd wanted nothing more than for Jane to get the hell out of her apartment so she could fall apart in peace. "Yeah, well, you know, thanks for trying," she told him quickly. "You probably have, uh, somewhere you need to go right?"

"Well I'm not going to give up that easily," Jane assured her immediately.

"I can count on you not to tell anybody about this right?" past-Lisbon asked, her voice breaking. "On the team?"

"Oh Lisbon," he said putting a hand on her shoulder. "Hey..."

"Jane. I just need you to leave alright?" she told him brushing off the attempt at comfort and obviously barely holding back her tears. "Could you please go?"

"Alright. It's, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine alright? I promise." Jane assured her. When she just nodded he tried again. "Okay?" he told her.

Finally realizing that he wasn't making things any better, Jane did the only thing he could. He left, leaving a broken Lisbon behind him.

Bosco didn't say anything this time. Just waved his hand to speed up the passage of time until Jane returned. He came back brimming with pleasure and a plan to help frame Dr. Carmen. Past-Lisbon was obviously sceptical, but she let him convince her. After all, she really had no other choice.

So she and Bosco watched along with Jane as her past self weaved a spell over the corrupt Doctor, made him think she was crazy, tricked him into confessing. Then she caught him in a trap, punched him in the nose and handcuffed him.

"You know, I have to admit, I can see why Jane encouraged you in this Lisbon," Bosco told her. "There is something about you when you're like this. I can't say I'm surprised that you're so good at it. You always were good at the undercover ops."

"Thanks," she told him wryly.

"He looks so genuinely pleased for you," Bosco added, gesturing to Jane's mile-wide grin as he described to the Dr. Carmen exactly how they'd tricked him into revealing his guilt, and exactly how good Teresa Lisbon had been at it.

"I never noticed that," Lisbon admitted. She hadn't. She'd been too focussed on the fact that her life wasn't over to worry about Jane's feelings on the subject.

"Yeah, well, I guess you were too busy being relieved you weren't going to jail," Bosco told her.

"Yeah, I always do get caught up in the details don't I?" Lisbon snarked.

Bosco smirked. "Jane wasn't the only one determined to prove your innocence," he reminded her.

"I know," she told him as the background flashed briefly two the two of them standing close together in her office, while he all but told her he'd have destroyed any evidence incriminating her.

Bosco watched as Jane interrupted. "You know, I know I wasn't always the most guarded person in the world, but it's irritating how he just comes in and reads you like a book."

Lisbon scoffed. "Welcome to my world."

Bosco smirked. "Hey, at least he brought you doughnuts."

"Okay," Lisbon admitted. "He did help me out there. I admit. But he knows he needs someone who'll tolerate him at the CBI. And this was before Hightower and the golden age of Jane remember? He needed me on side."

Bosco gestured back to her office. "Yeah, that's why he's ducking back in for a second, just to make sure you're still around."

Lisbon glanced back at the doorway, where sure enough, Jane _was _checking up on her. She'd never noticed that. "You think he was really worried?" she asked almost hopefully.

"If you don't think that Patrick Jane wanted to protect you after that performance then you need your eyes checked," Bosco told her. "We were all worried about you. Just like we all are now. Patrick Jane included. He cares whether or not you trust him, and you did trust him that week. For all that you claim to still trust me, it was him you turned to when push came to shove."

"You came through when it mattered," she told him.

Bosco smiled. "So did your team," he told her. "You want to see what they thought of all this?" he asked her.

Before Lisbon could answer the background was fading again. When things came back into focus the two of them were standing outside on the patio of a little cafe not far from the CBI. Lisbon noticed all three of her agents plus Jane were deep in discussion about something.

"Why am I not surprised they had a meeting to discuss strategy?" Lisbon asked.

Bosco shrugged. "Because they're your team," he told her. "They even had the good sense to take it out of the building."

"You're assuming Lisbon didn't kill him," Jane was saying, obviously talking about McTeer. "What if she did kill him? What would you do?"

"What would you do?" Cho countered quickly. Lisbon grinned. That was Cho alright, never giving anything away until absolutely necessary.

Jane shrugged. "Me? I'd walk away, but I ain't the law."

"Yes, we walk away," Van Pelt agreed.

"Yeah," Cho said.

"I disagree," Rigsby told them.

"McTeer went after little children," Van Pelt shot back.

"Hey, maybe he deserved to die," Rigsby said. "Lisbon has the guts to kill him she has the guts to serve her time for it."

"I'm gonna talk to McTeer's boss," Cho said.

"I'm coming too," Van Pelt added.

Rigsby stood abruptly. "Okay, okay look, she didn't do it anyhow. I mean right? She's not capable of that."

"I'm not so sure," Jane admitted.

"Hah!" Lisbon scoffed. "So he did have doubts."

Bosco rounded on her. "We all did for a minute," he reminded her. "You couldn't remember what happened!"

"Still..." Lisbon grumbled.

"Why does that bother you Teresa?" Bosco asked her. "Why do you care what Jane thinks?"

"I don't," she answered quickly.

"At least your team was ready to bury it if they had to," he reminded her. "Though Rigsby didn't think you'd done it in the first place."

Lisbon smiled. "Yeah, he's a good guy." She'd never say it, but his easy dismissal of the idea that she'd committed murder had made her feel better. Bosco was right, her team was pretty great. She supposed she should tell them that more often.

"Very loyal," Bosco agreed. "You seem to inspire a lot of that in the CBI building."

"At least I did," Lisbon admitted, remembering that this was almost a year ago. And a lot could happen in a year.

"Hey now," Bosco told her. "None of that. Here, this might cheer you up."

"What?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"We're going to go into one of my memories for a change of pace. It's time to watch your team try to intimidate yours truly," Bosco told her.

The scene faded out quickly again. This time the pair re-emerged in the file room. Lisbon watched Cho and Van Pelt go through file after file.

"They were determined to clear you Teresa," Bosco told her as they watched the two agents search for that elusive lead.

Suddenly they were interrupted.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bosco from the past asked angrily.

"Killing a spider," Cho told him matter-of-factly. "What are you doing?"

"You're interfering with my case, you're talking to witnesses," Bosco continued like Cho hadn't spoken.

"You hear wrong," Cho told him.

"What's the problem?" Rigsby asked as he approached.

"Get off the McTeer case, or you'll be on guard duty at the State Capitol saluting tourists," Bosco warned.

"Is that right?" Rigsby asked glaring down at him.

"Yes it is," Bosco hissed.

Rigsby just smirked.

"He uses his height to his advantage well," present-day Bosco murmured to a stunned Lisbon.

"Did Rigsby just..." she asked.

"Threaten a higher ranking agent because his boss was in trouble? Bosco asked. "Yup. He sure did."

"He just..." Lisbon muttered.

"Oh come on," he told her. "This can't come as a surprise. Van Pelt's been heard bragging about how awesome you are more than once. You can't have missed how much she idolizes you. And why shouldn't she? You're one of the best. Not to mention, you've gotten a hell of a lot farther than most women do in this job. She could pick a worse role model. Have you not noticed how excited Rigsby looks sometimes when you choose him as your backup? The man loves going out with you on the off chance that you may tackle someone. He and Cho have a secret list of your top ten. And they don't tolerate anyone else insulting their boss. Your boys had a very quick chat with one of the guys from Missing Persons after he was heard insulting you down in the gym you know. Cho apparently scared the crap out of him. And speaking of your second in command, Cho knows you took a chance on him when you requested him for your team. He knows he owes you. Now everyone's pretty much convinced that if anyone so much as looked at you the wrong way he'd shoot them without remorse."

"Oh he would not," Lisbon insisted.

"You sure about that?" Bosco asked. "I'm not saying that kind of recklessness doesn't also have its downside."

Lisbon paused. "He'd know I wouldn't appreciate it," she said finally. "So I don't think he'd ever actually do it."

"You don't know?" Bosco teased her.

She paused.

Bosco sighed, "Do you trust_ any_ of your team anymore Teresa?"

"Cho abused a potential suspect to coerce a confession!" Lisbon snapped.

"He was personally attacked," Bosco reminded her, playing devil's advocate.

Lisbon shook her head. "It doesn't matter. That's too far."

"I agree. So what're you going to do about it?" Bosco asked her.

"What?" Lisbon asked in confusion.

"You're the boss," Bosco reminded her. "It's _your_ team. Take control! Stop hiding. I never thought I'd see _you_ give up," he told her sneakily.

"I haven't given up!" Lisbon argued. "I'm just tired."

"Sure," Bosco replied, his tone deliberately disbelieving.

His remark had the desired effect. It made his ex-partner good and angry. "You know what?" Lisbon snapped. "I'm getting sick of this. All I see all day is pain, and misery, and murder. Then I go home and I just want to relax. But I can't even do that because I have to deal with Jane all the time. Or if I'm not dealing with him I'm worried about what he might do, or that I might get fired tomorrow because of one of my boss' little whims. And the saddest part is that I have nothing in my life but this stupid job. The one that I feel like I could lose at any minute. At least you had your family to go home to. I can't even get a moment's peace!"

"You used to fight for what you wanted Lisbon!" Bosco reminded her, his tone quietly passionate. "You _never_ gave up. Not even when Jane was at his worst."

"And look where that got me!" Lisbon retorted.

"It got you one hell of a loyal consultant," Bosco snapped back.

With that the fight left her body again. "Sam..."

"You're Jane's comforter, and to a certain extent his confidante. D'you think there's anyone else he lets get that close?" Bosco asked her.

"Oh yeah, we're real close," Lisbon muttered.

"You don't think so?" he asked. "You don't think you have any influence?"

The scene faded out again.

xxxxx

Lisbon looked around and saw and she and Jane sitting on a bed in a dingy hotel room in Mexico. She dropped her head to her chest. She remembered this. It was before all the mess, before Red John seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. Before everything completely fell apart. When she'd had just a little bit of hope that Jane could be saved.

She watched herself attempting to cheer up her obviously completely deflated consultant. As happened far too often where Red John was concerned, they'd been just a little bit too late. Still, she watched her past self trying to remain positive, to look for clues.

Jane on the other hand was completely depressed, convinced that Red John was too far ahead to ever catch up to. But he did acknowledge that the writing on the wall in blood may have been a clue.

Lisbon watched herself reach out to her consultant, to offer some form of comfort. It barely registered. Until she assured Jane that they'd get him next time.

He repeated the words, but it was plain to see that he didn't really believe them, much as he wanted to.

Still, at least he'd heard her.

Before Lisbon could say anything the scene faded out again. This time they were in a near-empty house in the middle of nowhere.

Jane wasn't depressed this time. He was angry, and frustrated. Mainly with her. "He was here. He was right here," he kept saying, obviously talking about Red John.

But she didn't care about that. "We saved a girl's life, Jane," she reminded him. "We saved her life. We have Hardy, okay? He's going to tell us what we need to know." She'd been so confident that Hardy was the missing link, so sure she'd figured everything out. She'd been so naïve.

Jane agreed. "Oh, you think so?" he asked derisively. "You should have waited. We agreed on that."

But Lisbon didn't back down. "What if Hardy had killed you right here?" she asked.

But Jane had an answer for that. "And then he would have led you straight to Red John," he told her.

Lisbon's eyes widened in shock. "You'd be dead," she told him, obviously horrified.

Jane obviously didn't see the problem. "But you would have Red John," he reminded her.

But Lisbon wasn't having any of it. "I don't think you mean what you say," she told him. "I think you choose life."

But there was no comforting Patrick Jane this time. "Well you think wrong," he told her.

His stubborn refusal to even think of his own life was clearly upsetting his companion. "No. No, you think wrong," Lisbon told him, her voice full of obvious emotion. "Can't you see there's people who care about you, who need you? You're being selfish and childish and I want you to stop it." She all but ordered him

Jane just looked at her tragically. "I wish that I could, but you know some things you just can't fix. Needn't be angry, it's just the way of the world."

But Lisbon refused to accept the way of the world. "We still have Hardy," she reminded her consultant optimistically. "He's going to talk. He's gonna give us Red John."

Jane scoffed, clearly not believing her. "Right. We have Hardy. Yes. "

But Lisbon took that as encouragement. "We saved a life," she reminded him.

At least this time Jane decided to acknowledge that fact. "Yes, we did," he agreed. "We did. Hooray for us."

But that was the last straw for his partner, and she let him soon afterwards.

"You used to argue with him Teresa," Bosco reminded her as the scene faded. "Even about Red John. Then you just stopped."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well, there's only so many times you can throw yourself up against a brick wall before you get sick of having a sore shoulder. That's when you realize that there wall isn't going to move."

"So that's it then?" Bosco asked. "You're really just going to give up?"

"No, of course not," she told him, sick of the accusation. That wasn't what she'd meant. But she was also getting sick of arguing with Jane to no apparent purpose.

"But?" Bosco asked.

"But Red John is exhausting," she told him. "And he comes with a price. Jane isn't the only one who's lost people. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to catch the bastard. But I'd rather if I didn't have to watch my consultant commit murder when that happens. And remember, Red John kidnapped my consultant. Could have killed him, but it didn't suit the psycho to do that. At least not yet. Besides, Jane's still lying to me. I know he is. Maybe he thinks I don't. Or maybe he's just deluding himself. I don't know; he could have convinced himself that I don't know what's going on. But it's hard to help someone who won't be honest with you. You keep going on about how much Jane wants me to trust him. It's hard when he's still lying to me all the time."

"What do you mean?" Bosco asked her, wanting her to explain it. To actually articulate it. It was better than keeping it locked up inside herself.

"Jane came face to face with the serial killer for all intents and purposes," Lisbon explained. "But he wants me to believe that Red John didn't say anything of importance? Yeah, I'm not buying it. He won't tell me what happened, but I know that _something_ did. Red John told him something, something he won't share with the rest of the team."

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Bosco said with a sigh. He knew what the reasons were. And though he probably shouldn't, he sympathized with the blond on that score. In his place he'd have been tempted to do the same thing.

"I'm sure he does," Lisbon agreed. "But then you're just as bad aren't you?" she asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Bosco asked, trying to sound innocent.

But Lisbon knew him too well. And she could be as stubborn as he could. "When you were dying you wanted to speak to Jane," she reminded him. "You had something to say that was so important you needed to tell him before you died. It was the last thing you ever said. So what was it Sam?" she asked him.

Bosco shook his head. He wouldn't tell her that. There was a reason he'd talked to Jane and not to her.

But Lisbon was having none of it. "No, we've been diving all through my most painful memories. I think I should at least get to see what you told Jane."

"It doesn't work like that," Bosco told her gently. "We only get to go into memories that are relevant to you. Not my rules."

"I'll bet," Lisbon muttered.

"What?" Bosco asked, almost amused. "You don't even trust me now?"

"Then why don't you tell me?" Lisbon shot back. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing that you need to know," he told her truthfully.

"Damn it Sam!" Lisbon snapped. "How am I supposed to get control of Jane if you won't even help me get all the facts?" she wondered.

He shrugged, not feeling too sorry for her. "You're smart and resourceful," he reminded her. "I'm sure you'll figure it out Teresa."

"Thanks ever so much for all the help!" she bit out.

"D'you ever think that there might be a reason that Jane lies to you when it comes to Red John?" Bosco asked her innocently.

"Yeah," Lisbon snapped. "He wants to keep me in the dark so I don't get in the way of his plans to commit murder." It was the obvious answer. And she'd never forget Jane cheerfully telling her about how he planned to slice Red John up into a million little pieces and that she'd better not get in his way. That told you a lot about a person.

"Well, I suppose that's possible," Bosco admitted.

"Probable more like," Lisbon snipped. "Scratch that. More like certain."

"There is another option," Bosco suggested innocently.

"Which I suppose you're about to show me," Lisbon snarked.

Bosco grinned. "I see you're finally getting the hang of this Teresa."

Lisbon rolled her eyes as the scene faded around her. Things came back into focus in the middle of the CBI. Past-Jane and Past-Lisbon were walking down the hall.

It was the middle of their art forgery case. Jane had gone and interfered with a suspect who had diplomatic immunity. After she'd expressly told him not to. Lisbon had been understandably irritated.

"I said I'm sorry," Jane was saying to her.

His apology had no effect. "But you had express orders to stay away from Arlov," Lisbon reminded him.

Jane didn't seem too contrite about that. "That's why I didn't tell you," he explained. "You have total deniability."

Lisbon remembered barely resisting the urge to smack him then. "That's beside the point!" she'd yelled instead.

"The point is my brilliant plan worked liked clockwork," Jane insisted.

"What plan?" Lisbon asked. "This case is not closed. You haven't done anything yet."

"Not yet but you watch," he'd promised her.

Of course he'd been right. He had closed the case. But that wasn't really the point. He'd still gone and done something she'd very specifically told him not to.

"Wasn't that pretty soon after you nearly got suspended for going behind Minelli's back and helping him get Renfrew out of jail so he could catch Red John?" Bosco asked innocently.

"Couple of cases later maybe," Lisbon admitted. "So?"

"So," Bosco said as if speaking to a child. "You don't honestly see the connection."

"Maybe I don't," Lisbon said stubbornly.

"Maybe you don't want to admit it. Patrick Jane knows he's dangerous to you so he's trying to protect you, at least professionally by not keeping you in the loop with his crazy plans. He knows how much that job means to you," Bosco explained.

"Yeah well, forgive me for not keeling over in gratitude," Lisbon said dryly. "You know what would work better? If he didn't conduct his stupid plans in the first place. Or if he let me in on them so I could at least take some sort of contingency measures."

"Well, that's true," Bosco said easily. "But he is trying to help you, in his Jane way. After all, he's said he'd always be there for you."

"Hah," Lisbon muttered.

"Alright Lisbon," Bosco muttered. "Let's try this again. And pay attention this time would you? I can do this all night if I have to."

"Fine," she agreed grouchily.

This time the scene changed to the mountains. They were outside the Shoshone Community Centre. It was the case with the woman who'd lost her memory. Jane had been trying to help her regain it. Or so he claimed.

Lisbon was (as usual) reprimanding at her consultant. "So Mr. Silverwing is going to complain to our superiors in the strongest terms," she told him. "Nice work."

"See, that's why I didn't bring you along, deniability," Jane explained. "How did you know we were here?"

"I had little tiny GPS trackers sewn into all your suits," she told him with a grin.

Jane looked concerned. "For a second there I almost believed you," he admitted.

Lisbon just grinned wider. Then she told Van Pelt to get their victim back to the hospital, quickly dismissing any potential information Jane's plan may have given them. After all a lake in the middle of a mountain range full of lakes was hardly particularly informative. The only thing less useful would have been if the woman had said 'the murder took place in the woods.'

Lisbon watched her female agent leave, and took a deep breath.

"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going," Jane said again. "I was trying to protect you. I knew I was going to stir things up and what with Hightower all..."

But Lisbon from the past interrupted him. "Don't. Don't ever try to protect me. I can protect myself, from Hightower or anybody else."

"Okay," Jane said placatingly.

"Let's go back to the office," Lisbon said, trying to close the conversation.

"We could," Jane agreed. "Or we could stay here and catch Leonard Railton's killer."

"How're we gonna do that?" Lisbon asked derisively.

"I need a cup. Paper or plastic, I'd prefer paper," Jane explained, as he led her off so he could carry out his plan.

"A little harsh don't you think?" Bosco asked her.

"A little true's more like it," Lisbon retorted.

"Yet he still tries to help you," Bosco reminded her. "No matter how many times you tell him not to. He tried to help you the very next case, even though you shot him down flat. Again. Jane really is trying to make things better for you Teresa."

"I know," Lisbon finally admitted with a sigh. "He's just incompetent at it."

"It's the thought that counts?" Bosco asked.

Lisbon chuckled mirthlessly.

"It's obvious you mean something to him Lisbon," Bosco told her again. "It's part of the reason I finally eased up on the man. Let's face it, he's insane, but he is trying his best to keep you safe, and I'm all for that mentality. I know you keep saying you don't want him to," he added when Lisbon looked like she wanted to interrupt. "But think hard before you just dismiss it."

Lisbon sighed, turned away and scuffed her shoe in the dirt.

"He's so happy any time you actually give in and ask for his help Lisbon," Bosco told her, taking her silence as a good sign and trying to press his advantage. "Thing is, you only ever ask for his help in extreme circumstances so you're probably always too terrified or too stressed out or realize it. But it's true. And he makes you laugh. You've already admitted that. Why not let Jane help you lighten the load, cut loose. Even you admitted you needed that, though I disapproved."

"When?" Lisbon started to ask. "When did I ever say..."

Bosco smirked. The scene faded back to her office.

"You know, for a cop you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud." Bosco-from-the-past was telling Lisbon-from-the-past.

"Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess. I enjoyed it," she told him with a bright smile. "Lettin' loose for once."

"He lets you let loose Lisbon," Ghostly Bosco reminded her gently. "Do you really want to give that up?"

Lisbon sighed. "Sam, it's complicated," she told him. She knew what he was trying to do but...

"And you're scared," Bosco reminded her.

"What?" she asked, more shocked than irritated.

"You're scared," Bosco repeated. "You're afraid of what he could do to you."

"So what if I am?" Lisbon demanded. "What happens if Jane and I become friends, I trust him, and then he kills Red John? I either have to cover for him, like I did for you. And I promised myself I wouldn't go down that road again. Or I have to arrest him, or he's already dead. Where does that leave me Sam?"

"So change his mind," Bosco suggested again.

"Yeah, that's happening," Lisbon scoffed.

"You never know," he countered.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"I know you don't trust easily Teresa," Bosco told her. "And with good reason. But are you really going to never trust another person for the rest of your life?" he asked.

Lisbon glanced at him, before staring at her feet.

"Think about it would you?" Sam told her eventually. "For me?"

"Why do you even care so much if I trust Jane?" Lisbon asked him.

Bosco shrugged. "Doesn't need to be Jane I guess," he admitted. "I still feel responsible for your inability to trust anyone at work. I was the one who forced you into a situation where you had to break the law. I don't want to think that I've destroyed your ability to truly trust your partners ever again. And Jane seems to _want_ you to trust him so very much."

"You didn't force me into anything Sam. I did it willingly," Lisbon reminded him.

Bosco grinned at her attempt at reassurance. "Yeah, well, that doesn't really make me feel better."

"Tough," Lisbon said matter-of-factly.

"There we go. That's the attitude I've been waiting for," Bosco told her. "Now when this is over you're going to go back and you're going to re-take control of your team. Do you hear me Teresa?"

"Yes sir," she said giving a mock salute.

"I'm serious," he said as he tried to stifle his laugh.

She sighed. "And what if I don't know how to do that anymore? What if I can't control Jane?"

"That's not how I remember teaching you to lead a team," he reminded her.

"I'm not as good as you were," Lisbon said somewhat desperately. She was so sick of arguing, of defending her decisions. "How can you expect me to figure out Jane, to get things back under control, to catch Red John? After all, look how that turned out for you."

"I didn't train you to be as good as I am Teresa," he reminded her gently. "I trained you to be better. I always knew you would be. Don't let Jane take that away from you. Start doing things your way again."

Lisbon's eyes pooled as her hotel room came back into focus. "Sam..." she whispered.

"It's true," he told her with a shrug. "And it's probably the only time I'll ever get to tell you."

"Thank you," she said. "I needed to hear that."

"Then listen to the other thing you forgot," Bosco told her. "Police, CBI, law enforcement, whatever you want to call it, we're family. Remember Lisbon? You learn that early on in this job or you just don't hack it. Hell, I remember giving you this lecture when you first joined my squad. Seems you need a refresher course Rookie. You trust your partner, and you trust your team. Trust your team Lisbon. They care about you, I hope tonight showed you how much. And you care about them. It's why you do what you do, why you spend half your time trying to clean up after them and keep them safe. Now yeah, you lost your way a little bit, but you can find it again. But you won't find it doing what you're doing. You're pushing your own people away Lisbon, and in this job that's a betrayal. It's a testament to their loyalty to you that they haven't called you on it before now, but you've got to stop it before you go too far down this path and lose yourself completely. Do you hear me Lisbon? This stops _now_."

Lisbon wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. "Okay," she said a little shamefully. "You're right, I need to figure something else out."

Bosco nodded, and didn't push her further. After a moment he spoke, "I've got to leave you soon Teresa," he said softly.

"I almost wish you didn't," she admitted just as softly.

"So we gonna talk about it?" he asked.

"Talk about what?" she stuttered.

He grinned wryly. "Stupid's not a good look for you Teresa. Not a convincing one either. I'll always love you, you know."

"I know. Me too," she told him softly.

"Good."

"Not in a..." she hastened to qualify.

"I know," he interrupted. "I know what you mean."

"Okay."

"Okay. And for the record it's nice to hear, even from the afterlife. And the Lisbon I loved isn't allowed to disappear just because I had to leave her. I forbid it. I'm not the only one who cares about her after all," he reminded her.

"You forbid it?" she asked with a hint of a grin.

"Yeah, I'll come back from the great beyond and kick your ass Rookie. Don't think I won't," Bosco warned her.

She let out half a laugh. "I believe you."

"Good."

"What's it like, the hereafter?" she asked curiously.

"Different than I expected," he admitted. "Still good though. Not anything you need to worry about right now. You'll be fine."

"You sure?" she asked him.

"Oh yeah," he told her. "I have to go soon. It's almost one. We've only got a couple of minutes."

"Wait!" Lisbon said desperately. "Can I just ask you one more question?"

"Sure."

"What did you tell Jane, that last day?" she asked him again, for some reason desperate for the answer and knowing Jane would never tell her. "What did you really say to him that you couldn't tell me?"

Bosco sighed. "I told him to look after you Teresa. I told him that someone needed to watch out for you. I told him that you would probably try not to let him, but knowing Jane I knew that wouldn't stop him. I just didn't count on the extreme lengths of your stubbornness."

"I still can't believe you're recommending Jane's company," Lisbon remarked.

"You were right," Bosco said softly. "He's not as bad as he seems at first. You told me that remember?"

"Maybe," she admitted.

"Much as I hate to admit it, it is true," Bosco said dryly.

"Is that all you told him?" she asked again.

"It's all you need to know," he told her gently.

"Sam..."

"Shh. It's not something that will hurt you Teresa," he told her. "I promise. I really have to go now."

"I wish you didn't," she admitted.

"Me too," he told her. "But you have your team when this is all over."

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "You've made your point. Now go," she ordered. "I just want to get this over with."

"Remember who you are Teresa," he said as he turned to leave.

"Shouldn't your face be appearing in some sort of a giant cloud formation to get away with a line like that?" she asked.

"Smart ass."

"Learned from the best," she reminded him.

"Good bye Teresa," he said again before he disappeared. "Whatever you decide, try and at least be happy would you?"

"Bye Sam," she whispered to the empty room.

Glancing around her, Lisbon realized it was almost one. Not sure quite what to do she decided she may as well get into bed. Somehow that seemed preferable than the ghost materializing right beside her. So she quickly got under the blankets and waited.

She didn't have to wait long.

xxxxx


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

xxxxx

"Hello Lisbon," another familiar voice greeted her a few minutes later.

Lisbon sat up in bed immediately. Upon seeing the body that matched the voice she blinked. Then she opened her mouth, shut it, and blinked again.

"Surprised to see me are you?" Minelli asked her with a smirk.

That seemed to rouse his former employee. "Sir! What are you doing in my bedroom?" she asked, feeling strangely exposed. This was even more awkward than the time her boss had seen her in casual clothes at the last CBI picnic. At least Minelli wasn't wearing a Hawaiian shirt this time.

Minelli sighed, "I think we both know that I'm not really here, although I'd have thought _why_ I've shown up would be self-explanatory."

Lisbon nodded, before something occurred to her. "Wait a minute!" she cried. "_Y__ou're_ my ghost of Lisbon Present? Oh, my god! I spoke to you last Tuesday! Please tell me you didn't have a heart attack in your sleep or something. I told you all those donuts would eventually..."

But Minelli interrupted her panicked rambling. "Lisbon! I'm not dead," he assured her. "Trust me. I'm alive and well and enjoying a lovely few days at my cabin upstate with my grandchildren. I'm not entirely sure _how_ I'm also here talking to you, but can we please just both accept that I must be some sort of cognitive projection or you're in a fugue state, or some other kind of new age nonsense? I'm here. That much is clear. So how about we forget the how and just start getting along with the why?"

Lisbon eyed the Minelli doppelganger warily. "You're sure you're not dead?" she asked.

Minelli sighed again. "Yes. Well, as sure as I can be," he told her. "I was alive when I went to bed this evening."

Lisbon paused for a moment before deciding to accept that. After all, what other choice did she have? "And I'm not dead?" she double-checked.

"No Lisbon," Minelli assured her impatiently. "You're not dead either. I'm still alive, you're still alive. We are both still members of the land of the living. I really have no idea how the hell this is happening, and quite frankly, I don't care. Now can we just get this the hell over with so I can go back to sleeping peacefully in a place that's far enough away from civilization that when you look at the sky at night you can actually see some of the stars?"

Lisbon grinned. Whatever else was going on the apparition certainly _acted_ like Virgil Minelli. And she missed that. "Yes sir," she told him.

'"Good," Minelli said with a nod.

"And sir?"

Minelli sent her a mild glare, obviously expecting another objection. "Yes Lisbon?"

"It's good to see you again," she told him honestly.

Her former boss's glared transformed slowly into a gruff little smile. "Yeah, you too," he admitted. "Now come on, let's get this over with."

"Fine," Lisbon told him. "I don't suppose you'd like to tell you where we're going?" she asked hopefully.

"I suppose I could do that," Minelli told her. "Among other things I thought we'd go and see what your team was up to this evening."

"Right now?" Lisbon asked. "I'd imagine they're sleeping."

Minelli shook his head slightly. "No, not right now Lisbon," he told her in a tone of voice which implied he thought her question idiotic. "What they were doing earlier tonight. It's still close enough to the present to count," he explained.

"Fine," she told him with a shrug. "Then let's go. I'm all for getting this over with as quickly as possible."

"So much for being happy to see me," Minelli muttered.

"Given that I can see you in the actual world, something that doesn't involve the two of us poking through god knows what part of my life, I think I'd prefer it if we just did lunch sometime next week if it's all the same to you," Lisbon shot back.

Minelli ignored that in favour of simply transporting them to their desired location.

It was a bar. A bar where Rigsby and Van Pelt were nursing half-full drinks at one of the booths.

"So, case-closed huh?" Rigsby asked, making conversation.

"Yeah," Van Pelt said with a nod.

"No closed-case pizza this time though," Rigsby said somewhat sadly.

"Maybe we'll get doughnuts when we get back to the CBI," Van Pelt suggested, in an obvious attempt to cheer up her colleague.

"Maybe..." Rigsby agreed.

"Think Lisbon'll actually eat them with us this time?" Van Pelt asked.

Rigsby shrugged. "Dunno. How mad d'you think she is at Jane?" he asked.

Van Pelt considered it for a minute. "She never stays mad at Jane that long," the young woman said slowly. "Well not really."

"Yeah, but this time she actually _left_," Rigsby reminded his companion. "She's never done that before either."

"It'll sort itself out," Van Pelt said optimistically, with an added nod of her head for conviction. Whether she was trying to convince herself or her the man seated opposite her was unclear.

"Sure hope so," Rigsby muttered.

"Good thing we brought two cars," Van Pelt said suddenly.

"Why?" Rigsby asked, his eyes twinkling. "You thinking we should separate the two of them, or stick them together and take the other one?"

Van Pelt grinned back. "It would give them time to resolve their issues," she said.

"If the boss doesn't just abandon him on the side of the road," Rigsby agreed.

"I don't think she'd actually do that," Van Pelt told him. She paused, "Well, probably not at least. Especially if she knew there'd be no one else around to pick him up. "

Rigsby grinned. His grin slowly faded. "Hey Grace?" he asked.

"Hm?" she said, swirling what was left of her drink around in her glass absently.

"Has Lisbon seemed different to you lately?" he asked.

Van Pelt looked at him suddenly. Then her face softened. "You know she has Wayne. You're not stupid."

"I know," he agreed. "But we never talk about it."

"Probably because we all figure Lisbon'd somehow find out, who knows how, and then come and kick our asses," Van Pelt explained with a shrug. "Well, that and Cho's not exactly one for gossip."

"True," Rigsby agreed. "And if she didn't inflict some sort of punishment Jane probably would."

Van Pelt shook her head. "Nah, I think Jane'd be on our side. He's pretty worried too."

"That's why I asked," Rigsby admitted. "I mean, you figure if _Jane's _getting worried..."

"He's different too," Van Pelt added. "Since Kristina Frye disappeared."

"Yeah," Rigsby agreed. "The team is real cheerful, between Lisbon isolating herself in her office and Jane alternating between brooding in the attic and lying on the couch worrying about Lisbon."

"Wonder if he actually managed to drag her out to dinner," Van Pelt said idly.

"Dunno," Rigsby replied. "I haven't seen either of them since she stormed out of the precinct earlier this afternoon, but that doesn't mean anything."

"No," Van Pelt agreed. "Just that they didn't end up at the same restaurant we did."

"And that they missed out on an awesome steak dinner," Rigsby added.

"Well, and the added bonus of the waitress flirting with an apparently oblivious Cho," Van Pelt added.

Rigsby grinned. "Hard to tell if he really was oblivious or just ignoring her."

Van Pelt gave a huff of amusement remembering the hopeful look in the poor woman's eyes. But really, could she not take a hint? Cho had been nowhere near encouraging.

The pair lapsed into silence.

Suddenly Van Pelt spoke. "I'm worried about her Wayne."

"Who, the waitress?" Rigsby asked, trying for the joke. "I'm pretty sure she'll find some other out-of-towner to flirt with soon enough."

Van Pelt glared at him.

Rigsby sighed. "I know you mean Lisbon," he admitted after glancing around the room warily, like he thought there was a chance the woman in question might pop up behind him and glare him to death.

Van Pelt gave him a scathing look. "Obviously" she muttered, clearly unimpressed by her companion's attempt at humour.

"Yeah, well, just don't tell her that," Rigsby warned before taking a drink.

"Why not?" Van Pelt asked. "Maybe she'd like to hear it. Maybe she wants to hear that other people care about her enough to worry."

"Have you _met_ Lisbon?" Rigsby asked her. "Come on, you must have accidentally brought up a personal topic in passing at least once when you were speaking to her."

"Well..."

"And how did she react to it?" Rigsby asked.

"Not well," Van Pelt admitted.

"There you go!" Rigsby concluded. "Best to just wait it out. Everything'll be fine."

"We've been waiting it out for ages now!" Van Pelt hissed. "Everything isn't fine. She spends most days hiding in her office as much as possible. And when we are away on cases she tries to avoid spending time with the team whenever we're not actually in the field. Jane tries something insane at least once a week to cheer her up, and has little to no success. All that happens is she orders him out of her office, or her vehicle, or wherever they happen to be. And her rejection always brings on one of his lengthier brooding fits. He sulks for hours, and is basically unbearable. And she won't even come to team bowling night!" Van Pelt added petulantly. "Even Jane still makes the effort to come down from his attic for those."

"Which is really what you care about," Rigsby said with a grin. "Kidding!" he said holding his hands up in self-defence when she glared at him.

"Well I think it'd be good for morale if she came," Van Pelt justified. "And Lisbon needs to relax."

"Plus you want Lisbon to tell you it was a good idea," Rigsby added knowingly. "Face it Grace, you want her approval."

"What's wrong with that?" Grace asked defensively. "Have you read some of the things she's done? There's a reason she got her own team so young. And what's wrong with trying to impress my boss?"

"Nothing," Rigsby admitted. "I gave up trying a while ago. She's, well, _sparing_ in her praise."

"Maybe she'll come this Saturday," Grace said hopefully.

Rigsby bit down on a sarcastic retort in the nick of time when he saw Van Pelt's genuinely optimistic expression. "Maybe," he said finally.

"It's just weird you know?" Van Pelt asked. "She used to be so, I dunno, so larger than life. I mean when you look at her, she's petite, but it never seemed to matter. People just _listen_ to Lisbon."

"Except Jane," Rigsby pointed out.

"Well yeah," Van Pelt admitted. "Except Jane."

"She hasn't lost that yet," Rigsby pointed out. "Some of those cops were downright terrified of her today."

Van Pelt smirked, remembering the visual of cops twice her size trying not so subtly to get out of her way when she'd stormed out of the precinct. "That's true. Still, it's not the same."

"Maybe she's just going through stuff," Rigsby said lamely.

"I know," Van Pelt said. "And I know it's none of my business since technically she's doing her job as well as she always did. But I don't know, things are, well they're _weird_. Between her and Jane, I feel like I'm walking around on eggshells all the time."

"Waiting for the inevitable explosion, when Jane says something to set her off, or Hightower threatens her, or a politician looks down his nose," Rigsby added. "Man, Lisbon's job kinda sucks."

"Yeah," Van Pelt agreed. "And the thing is, I feel like if we could get Lisbon back, she might be able to get to Jane, ya know? Figure out how he really feels about Kristina Frye's disappearance."

Rigsby nodded. "Grace," he said tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I may have known Jane was going to get her to lie to the victim's family," Rigsby admitted.

Van Pelt sighed. "Wayne..,"

"He threatened to..." Rigsby started to explain. "Well, you know what he's like. So I figured I just wouldn't tell her. I didn't think she'd react like that," Rigsby admitted. "And Jane's plans always do solve the cases."

Van Pelt nodded. "So we always go along with him."

"Maybe we should stop doing that," Rigsby suggested.

"I don't know if that's what she wants though," Van Pelt said in frustration. "She goes along with Jane half the time herself. And she always _says_ she keeps him around because he solves cases. Technically by following Jane's lead we _are_ helping to solve the cases."

"So, to sum up, we have no plan?" Rigsby double checked.

Van Pelt shrugged. "I don't know what _to _do," she admitted. "After all, you're right, maybe Lisbon's just figuring out some stuff. She could walk into the office in a couple of days back to her old self."

"I'll drink to that," Rigsby said raising his almost empty glass.

Van Pelt raised hers in the silent toast. "Here's hoping," she said.

"Plan B can be locking her in a room with Jane until they get some things sorted out or one of them commits murder," Rigsby added.

Van Pelt chuckled to herself. "No way does Jane kill Lisbon. Worst he could do is hypnotize her," she pointed out.

"Oh, I'd like to see him do that against her will," Rigsby said hopefully.

Van Pelt shrugged. "I suspect that'd just mean that you also get to see her kill him. Only later."

"Yeah."

"Wanna play darts?" Van Pelt asked suddenly.

Rigsby shrugged. "Why not?" he asked. "Loser buys the next round?"

"You're on," Van Pelt said.

"Hey Grace?" Rigsby asked, tapping her shoulder as she stood up.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe she really will come bowling this weekend," he said with a smile.

"I hope so," Grace said sincerely.

After the two had left their booth Minelli turned to his companion. Lisbon had her arms wrapped around herself again and was busy staring at the floor.

He smiled affectionately. She was rather predictable. "So," he said cheerfully.

"Oh, just say it," Lisbon muttered.

"Say what?" Minelli asked her.

"Ask me why I'm worrying my team half to death," she snapped. "Point out how concerned they are. Demand to know what the hell I'm doing."

"Oh, I know what you're doing," Minelli told her truthfully.

"You do?" she asked. "Good! Because sometimes I sure as hell don't."

"It's self-protection," her former boss told her, his tone slightly patronizing. "And it makes sense. No one blames you for it Teresa."

"Sure sounded like it," Lisbon muttered.

"Were we listening to the same conversation?" Minelli asked in irritation. "Your agents are _worried_ Lisbon, not accusatory."

Lisbon shrugged. "I don't like it when people worry."

Minelli glared at her. "Then do something about it!"

"Maybe I will!" she retorted quickly.

"Good," he said scathingly, knowing she'd prefer the anger to any softer emotion that could be mistaken for pity. The irritation wasn't hard to summon. He'd _almost_ forgotten how stubborn she could be.

Then Lisbon surprised him. "They, they really are worried aren't they?" she asked softly, maybe even a little hopefully.

Minelli felt most of his irritation drain away as quickly as it had come. "Why does that surprise you?"

"It doesn't," she said quickly.

"Okay," he said, knowing the easy agreement would make her more suspicious than a denial.

"It _doesn't,_" she insisted.

"I said okay, Lisbon," Minelli assured her, beginning to enjoy himself. "Shall we move on?"

But Lisbon wasn't ready to move on from the conversation. "I mean, I know they've got my back in the field," she said, obviously ignoring his question. "I _know_ that on some level they care about what happens to me."

"But?" he asked when she didn't continue.

"No but," she denied.

He shrugged, "Okay."

Lisbon sighed. "Fine. It's just, they always do all these things without apparently considering the position it puts me in. Like I'm just supposed to make it all better when Rigsby slams someone's head into a table. Yeah, he was under hypnosis, but still. I still had to convince the PSU that he _was _under hypnosis. Like I'll just fix it all when one of them runs off with Jane and does something borderline illegal. Or I'm just supposed to cover for them when they tell me, to my face, because they had some messed up idea that it was _noble,_ the idiots, that they're in a relationship. Sometimes I think it just doesn't occur to them that what they do affects me. That I do this stuff all the time, and one of these times it's not gonna work anymore. That never even _occurs_ to them, I swear."

"Or," Minelli suggested, "They just think that you're basically superwoman and you can fix everything."

"Yeah, well I'm not and I can't," Lisbon pointed out definitely.

"I know that," Minelli told her.

"I'd love to fix everything, but I _can't_," she repeated.

"They know Teresa," Minelli assured her. "But sometimes you do make it kind of easy to forget that."

Lisbon looked up in surprise. Minelli was glancing determinedly at the wall. She grinned. "That sounded almost nice Boss. But it couldn't be, not from someone as grumpy as you."

"Maybe retirement has made me soft," Minelli grumbled.

"Maybe," Lisbon agreed with a grin.

"Or maybe you were always my favourite," he admitted.

"You are being nice to me," Lisbon said in surprise.

Minelli fiddled with his pockets. "People might be nicer to you if you'd let them."

"I don't stop people from being nice to me," Lisbon disagreed.

Minelli sent her a disbelieving look. "You don't make it easy."

Lisbon let out a huff of irritation.

Her ex-boss watched her for a moment, letting some of what she'd seen sink in. "Come on, let's go visit Cho," he said at last.

xxxxx

Lisbon and Minelli materialized in Cho's hotel room. Lisbon's second in command had taken off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, but other than that he looked identical to the way he had the last time she'd seen him, right before she'd stormed out of the crime scene.

"He'd better not start making himself any more comfortable," Lisbon told her boss. "Because let me just say, dream or no dream there's a professional line I'd rather not cross with my second in command."

"Let me be perfectly clear Lisbon," Minelli said quickly. "I have no desire to see into the personal routines of _any_ of my former employees. If he so much as unbuttons anything we'll be gone. We're not here for a show."

Given that Cho was alone in his room Lisbon had no idea why they _were_ there. After all, unless he was going to deliver the equivalent of a dramatic monologue to a non-existent audience their presence seemed reasonably pointless. And she hadn't been kidding when she'd said that she didn't need to know the details of his night time routine. She was about two seconds away from demanding why she and Minelli had even bothered with this trip when Cho picked up his cell phone.

Lisbon raised her eyebrows as she watched him press in a number on his speed dial and wait for someone to answer.

"Hey Elise," he said suddenly.

Lisbon could tell that whatever Elise was saying to him was obviously pleasant. Cho smiled slightly and sat down on his bed_._ "Yeah," he said after a brief pause. "I'm just checking in, seeing how you're doing."

"I'm fine," Cho assured his girlfriend after another pause. "Things are good here actually. We closed the case earlier today."

"Yeah," Cho agreed, presumably after Elise told him that was great. "Lisbon decided it was too late to head back tonight so we're heading out first thing in the morning," he explained. "We could grab dinner tomorrow if you wanted, that little Italian place you like?"

"The case was fine," Cho assured her again. "Nothing too groundbreaking, no one was injured. Can't ask for anything else."

Cho waited for his girlfriend to reply. "No, nothing else is wrong," he said, sounding a bit surprised at the question. "Why would you think something was wrong?" There was another pause. "I can't just call to check in?" Cho asked.

Lisbon saw her second in command sigh, and run his hand through his hair. "Van Pelt and Rigsby are worried about Lisbon," he explained eventually

Whatever he heard on the line obviously amused him. "Yes, I'm sure it's _Van Pelt and Rigsby_ that are worried" he repeated.

"No," he told his girlfriend. "I'm _not_ worried. If something _is_ wrong with Lisbon, then she'll sort itself out. It's none of my business. She wouldn't want me to intrude."

"I'm not afraid of my boss!" Cho insisted, raising his voice slightly.

"Yeah, well, you've never seen her with a gun in her hands," Cho muttered under his breath, after his girlfriend apparently expressed doubt about his previous assertion.

"Lisbon is a private person Elise," Cho explained patiently. "That's the way she is. I've always gotten that. And it's her call if she wants to talk to me or not."

At this point in their conversation Elise apparently had a lengthy rebuttal. At least, Lisbon assumed it was a rebuttal. It certainly looked like it if Cho's facial expression was anything to go by.

"We're not that much alike," he denied eventually. "Although I don't blame her for not wanting Jane poking around in her life all the time. That's got to get old fast."

"What makes you think Jane set her off?" Cho asked, now obviously amused.

"Okay, so yeah, it almost always is Jane that sets her off," he admitted after a moment. "And Jane did make her angry today."

Whatever Elise said to her boyfriend made him frown.

"I don't know if something else is wrong," Cho insisted. "Maybe there is, but like I said..."

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the woman on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, Lisbon knows if she ever needs anything all she has to do is ask," Cho said defensively.

"_Yes Elise,_" Cho insisted. "I'm sure she knows."

There was another brief pause.

"No, I didn't have to tell her," Cho said almost indignantly. "It's an unspoken thing. We're cops. It's just the way things are."

"How could she have possibly forgotten?" Cho asked like the question was ridiculous. Lisbon resisted the urge to stare at the ground.

"No, I'm not going to remind her," he repeated. "And it's not because I'm unable to express my emotions to anyone other than you and my mother. I express myself just fine when I need to."

If Cho's outburst surprised his boss it was nothing compared to what came next. Cho didn't seem to know what to say. "Elise, I... I'm not upset," he said slowly, obviously unsure of where he was going with his thought. "I just... Something is wrong. Not Jane." Lisbon stared at him. It was absolutely unheard of to see Cho searching for words. Cho _never_ searched for words. He wasn't particularly talkative, but when he did have something to say he just _said it_, always blunt and to the point. Tactless too, but that just meant he didn't censure what he thought. He just said what he wanted. Lisbon'd known him almost five years now and she wasn't sure if she'd ever seen him falter before.

"You really think I should ask her?" Cho asked after a moment.

"Honestly," he said after Elise encouraged him again. "I think that would just be awkward for both of us."

"Why would she like it?" Cho asked in confusion, clearly gearing up to defend his side of the argument. "Why would she like being awkward?"

But his girlfriend was obviously prepared to argue hers as well. "Okay, even if something else is wrong, what am I gonna do about it?" Cho asked after another pause in the conversation. "What if I can't help her fix it?"

"No, I _don't _think everything can just be _fixed_..." he grumbled. "Well what if I did something?" he asked suddenly.

"No, I don't _think_ I did something, but what if I did?" he said after another moment.

"I suppose if that was the case then I _could_ fix it," Cho said running a hand across his face. "You really think I should ask her?"

"I guess I'll think about it," he muttered, finally conceding defeat. Then something seemed to occur to him. "You sure _you_ don't want to talk to her?" he asked Elise. "You seem to know more about this sort of thing than I do."

"I guess you're right," Cho admitted after his girlfriend almost certainly declined to speak to his boss for him. "Well, thanks Elise. I'm sorry your day was boring. I'll see you tomorrow at dinner."

"Love you too. Night."

Lisbon turned to Minelli. "They're all worried," she said stating the obvious.

"Yes," Minelli agreed.

"This is kind of mortifying," Lisbon admitted.

"Yes, I can see how having concerned friends might make you feel that way," her former boss said sarcastically.

"Shut up."

"Hey, a little respect here Lisbon," Minelli said. "I used to be your boss you know."

Lisbon smirked. "Yeah? Call me and yell at me tomorrow then. Right now I don't care. Hey, are you even going to remember any of this tomorrow? It seems like an unfair advantage if you are."

"No," Minelli told her. "My personality is more or less acting as a, well, as a guide. But the actual me won't be remembering any of this. At least, I don't think so."

"Good," Lisbon muttered.

"If I were going to remember this," Minelli added blithely, "I'd be calling you up first thing tomorrow and giving you a piece of my mind."

"Sir..."

"I know _something_'s up with you Lisbon. I may be retired but I didn't turn in my brain when I turned in the keys to my office," he reminded her.

"Yeah, because what I really need right now is someone else to yell at me," Lisbon muttered.

Minelli glared at her in that way of his. "Maybe you do."

"Sir..."

"They're worried about you Teresa," he reminded her. "Why are you doing this?"

"I don't know," she said softly.

"Well figure it out, or stop it!" Minelli snapped.

Lisbon decided a change of the subject was in order. "So, I guess we're going to see what Jane's doing with his evening now, huh?"

"Absolutely. Subtle change of the subject there Lisbon by the way," her ex-boss said dryly. "But come on, let's go see what your consultant did after you cruelly abandoned him."

"He deserved it," Lisbon said remorselessly. Of all the things she'd done over the last few weeks, her treatment of Jane was one of the things she had the fewest qualms over. The man deserved to have some of the wind knocked out of his sails. "And didn't you tell me that if Jane caused me any grief to shoot him?" Lisbon asked Minelli suddenly, remembering what he'd told her the day he retired. "This is hardly worse than that."

"Shooting I would be all for. At least you'd be taking action to solve your problems," Minelli explained. "I'm not a fan of your policy of avoidance and denial."

Lisbon dropped her head to her chest. "Let's just go see what Jane's up to," she said.

"Actually, we may end up making a couple of other stops first," Minelli admitted as the background around them began to dissolve again.

xxxxx


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

xxxxx

"If we're not checking in on Jane who are we checking in on?" Lisbon asked in confusion.

"We are checking on Jane eventually," Minelli told her. "I just thought we'd re-visit something that happened earlier this week first."

Lisbon watched as the familiarity of her office at the CBI solidified around her. "Wait," she objected. "This is three days ago. How is that fair? I thought you were all about the present."

Minelli didn't seem concerned by her objection, "Since the present is about a millisecond long, they give us a little bit of leeway. About a week or so actually."

"They?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"Don't ask," her former boss said dryly.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't actually know," Minelli admitted.

"Ah," Lisbon said with a nod. She glanced around the room. She could see Lisbon-from-three-days-ago sitting at her desk going through reports. It was strange to say the least. Yes, she'd already watched herself with Bosco, but there was more distance there. This was such a recent memory, it was… different. Actually, she remembered this evening perfectly. In a few seconds… Oh.

As if on cue her phone rang.

"Lisbon," she said after quickly grabbing it.

"Hey Teri," a familiar voice on the other end of the line said in greeting. Lisbon could hear it, but she didn't actually need to. She remembered the conversation well.

Lisbon-at-her-desk sat back in her chair. "Tommy," she said in surprise. "How's it going?"

"Not great," her brother admitted. "Tina and I broke up a couple of days ago."

His sister sighed. "Oh, I'm so sorry Tommy," she said. She didn't ask who'd ended it; his tone of voice already told her the answer, and she knew if she asked he'd just get even more uncomfortable. It didn't matter anyway. "You want to talk about it?" she asked instead.

"Nah, not really," her brother said slowly. "I don't think so at least."

"Because if you do…" Lisbon said, offering a sympathetic ear, even if it was from across the country.

"I don't want to talk about Tina," her brother told her. "Not really anyway. Certainly not gonna change anything, ya know?"

"Yeah," Lisbon agreed wearily. It did. She'd liked Tina. Only met her once or twice, but they'd spoken on the phone, and Tom had seemed happy.

"Yeah," he repeated.

"How you doing?" Lisbon asked after a brief silence, old worries coming back to plague her.

She heard her brother pause before he answered. "I was doin' okay for a couple of days Teri, I really was," he started to explain. "Maybe I was just angry still, I don't know. But I nearly had myself convinced that I didn't need her and that everything was fine and…"

"And then what happened?" Lisbon prodded in trepidation.

"I dunno. Yesterday was the day we always used to go out for wings," her brother admitted. "They were on special at this place a couple 'a blocks from her apartment."

"Right."

"And then I just started missing her all of a sudden. It sucks, people leaving. I know this wasn't totally my fault, that part of it was her, that maybe we weren't meant to be, all that crap. But I still hate it. And I want it to go away. I'm sick of feeling like this. I'm sick of being lonely, Teri. And then I started wanting to really make that stop, ya know? Just stop thinking about it…"

"_Tom_," Lisbon said pleadingly.

"_I know Teri_," her brother growled. "That's why I called you," he admitted. "That's why I called my big sister, who is sadly still in her office I might add, instead of going to the bar down the street. Because at least part of me still knows that the only thing that'll suck more than this is what might happen if I do."

Lisbon let out a whoosh of breath in relief. "If it helps, I'll stay on the phone as long as you want Tommy-boy," she promised.

"You haven't called me that in years," her brother said wistfully.

"I guess I figured I should stop once you got taller than me," she teased.

"That happened when I was like ten," he shot back.

"Shut up," she said good-naturedly. "It was more like 14, after that high school growth spurt."

"Whatever," her brother told her. "It's still good to hear your voice Teri."

"You too," Lisbon replied. "So how's work going?" she asked, hoping to change the subject.

"That really is all you ever think about isn't it?" her brother joked.

"Well, I figured since love life is clearly off the table," Lisbon snarked back.

"We could talk about yours," her brother suggested.

"Yeah, if I had one," Lisbon pointed out.

"And where are you sitting right now again, Teresa?" her brother asked.

"I thought we were talking about you here?" Lisbon deflected.

"Distraction," her brother shot back. "It's nice to think about someone else's problems for a change."

"Thanks," Lisbon said sarcastically. "Not like I'm stupid enough to talk about my love life with my baby brother anyway. But I'm fine. Work's fine."

"Yeah, things are going pretty well at the garage too," her brother admitted. "Nothing new to report."

"Still, no news is better than bad news," Lisbon reminded him.

"I guess," he replied slowly.

"God, now I wish I did have something exciting to tell you to distract you," Lisbon said. "But even the cases haven't been all that thrilling lately. I feel like I've been doing paperwork for three days straight."

"S'okay. I don't know that I'm in the best mood for murder anyway," her brother replied. "I don't know how you do it," Tom admitted. "The things you see, you'd at least have a good excuse for… Well, you've always been able to cope better than I have. We both know that."

Lisbon didn't have the heart to tell her baby brother that her methods of coping sometimes didn't feel like they were much of an improvement to his. Now really wasn't the time. "Hey, you're doin' alright Tom. Just sad. That's normal."

"Aw, am I gonna get one of Teri's famous long-distance pep talks?" her brother asked with a snicker.

"Just for that I should refuse," she said dryly.

"Eh, I know 'em all by heart now anyway," her brother said with a shrug neither of them could see. "Memory might be enough by now."

"I just worry about you Tommy," Lisbon admitted. "I'm your big sister after all."

"And you never let me forget it."

Lisbon smiled into the phone, "Not on your life. Perk of the job."

"And what about you?" her brother had asked. "You've been sounding different lately Teri. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"Don't you worry about me," Lisbon told him quickly. "Just life."

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Life sucks sometimes. Makes it hard not to just try and forget about everything any way you can."

"Hey!" she said, suddenly afraid for him again. "None of that. Whenever it gets bad remember the good times," she reminded him. "Remember chocolate chip muffins. Can you do that for me Tom? And remember that whatever happens I'm here if you need me. Hell, I'll fly back east for a weekend if I have to."

"You could fly back east anyway," Tom told her gently. "You sound like you could use a vacation."

"Maybe," she said noncommittally. "I have some days lined up."

"Well, let me know," her brother told her after a pause.

Lisbon rubbed a hand over her face, "You gonna be okay?" she asked again.

"Yeah. Just needed to hear a friendly voice," her brother told her.

"I'm so glad you called me," Lisbon said softly. They both knew what she meant.

"Yeah, well you always did your best to remind me that I'm not alone in the world," her brother admitted gruffly.

"I know what that feels like," Lisbon muttered.

Tom winced, "Alright Teri, I'm gonna ask again."

"_I'm fine_," Lisbon growled. "Don't worry about me. Focus on taking care of you right now."

Tom sighed, and decided to go about it another way. "Maybe I will go get a muffin," he told her. "I'm feeling a bit stir crazy anyway."

His sister smiled, "Kay."

"And it sounds like you need one too," her brother couldn't resist adding.

"_Tom_."

Apparently Thomas Lisbon knew when he was beaten. "Later big sis'," he said, instead of yet another question about his sister's mental state.

"Later Tommy-boy," Lisbon said softly, making them both smile.

Lisbon hung up the phone and stared at it pensively, glad that it was after-hours. Tom _sounded_ better than when she'd first picked up the phone, but what if he wasn't? What if…

Suddenly Jane spoke up from the doorway. "Not bad news I hope," he said.

She glanced up guiltily, and worried, wondering how much he'd heard. "Nope," she said quickly. "Just family stuff."

"One of your brothers checking in," Jane surmised.

"Uh, yeah," she agreed. "Something like that."

"You're worried about him." Like most of what Jane said, it wasn't a question.

"Jane..." Lisbon said, just trying to interrupt him, to make him stop talking.

"You're worried he's going to fall back into old habits, hence the reminder of the good times. Some sort of substance abuse?" he guessed. "Drugs? Alcohol? It'd be a worry, especially with the hereditary..."

"Jane..." she growled out. This time it was a warning.

"Sorry," he said holding up his hands placatingly. "It's none of my business."

"It's not," she agreed.

He turned to leave, having walked into her office while he was speaking. Suddenly he turned back. "Why the chocolate-chip muffin?" he asked. "That's a very specific reminder of good times."

At her desk Lisbon-from-three-days-ago tried to keep her face blank. Standing beside her ex-boss observing, real-Lisbon got lost in her memories. Tommy had always been the most troubled. Steve, the second oldest of the Lisbon children, had been more responsible; he'd kept to himself. He'd also treated Tom with contempt, kept his head down and just kept moving, determined to get out. The two brothers still didn't speak much. Jimmy had been pretty young through a lot of what had happened. He'd never had it as worse as the others, too timid and frightened to rouse his father. Steve had given him advice on how to stay out of the way. And then Jim moved in with their grandparents after his father had died. But Lisbon'd always been the one who worried about Tom. Tom who'd butted heads with her father on a weekly basis, who even when he did manage to study hard enough to actually get a B on a science test, or made the best birdhouse in his entire shop class, never got any encouragement. So his big sister had tried to give him a hand, to shield him. Chocolate chip muffins had become their ritual. Whenever something good happened, he did well on a test, or got a job, or if he managed a couple of weeks without setting their father off, or sometimes even if it was just that the two of them got through the day without feeling like everything was falling apart, Lisbon would take her brother for chocolate chip muffins. And she'd listen to him while he talked. She hadn't been able to replace a parent, well, two parents actually. But at least she'd tried.

They were some of her few good memories of her teenage years. And something Jane had no business stirring up.

"Something like that," Lisbon-at-her-desk said softly, knowing that not answering at all would make things worse. Still, she kept her answers as brief as possible. "Sometimes we went out for muffins, that's all."

"It means something to you though," Jane prodded gently, clearly thinking it would help her talk about it.

"It's none of your business," Lisbon snapped. "It's not relevant to this job, and it's not something for you to pick over in that brain of yours."

Jane looked shocked. "Lisbon I wasn't..."

But Lisbon didn't care how Jane was feeling, not then at least. "Just go," she told him.

"I was just trying to help. You could trust me, you know," her consultant said sadly.

Lisbon pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't deal with this now. One horribly emotional conversation was about her limit for a single night. And she wouldn't be surprised if Tommy called her again after she got home. "Jane..." she warned.

"Okay!" he said holding his hands up defensively.

He got as far as the door this time before deciding to add another opinion. "All I was trying to say Lisbon," the consultant explained. "Was that you don't need to worry so much about your brother."

Lisbon stared at her desk, pretending to read a file. Refusing to meet his eyes. How in the hell would Jane know whether or not she had to worry about her brother? What if something happened? She lived across the country now. She couldn't physically make sure he didn't wind up somewhere he shouldn't.

"He has more than muffins," Jane told her soothingly. "He knows he has a sister who will stand by him through anything. That counts for something. More than you might think. He called you instead of doing something else, didn't he? Maybe you should let him worry about you too."

With that he was gone.

Lisbon watched herself resist the urge to bury her head in her hands, deciding instead to just go back to work. She remembered leaving not long afterwards. Maybe Jane had meant well, but she'd been exhausted, and absolutely not up to dealing with him. She glanced over at Minelli, who wasn't speaking. She guessed there was something else to see. She turned back to her office. Suddenly it was the next morning, and Lisbon was watching herself arrive for the day. And she watched herself find a chocolate chip muffin on her desk.

She stifled a gasp, turned quickly and locked her door. Then she shut all her blinds as quickly as possible, sat down at her desk, pressed her hands flat on the surface, and forced herself not to cry. Ten minutes later she was able to unlock the door and go about her day, but she refused to acknowledge the muffin, and she'd kept to herself as much as possible. Lisbon watched the day pass in fast-forward.

Jane didn't catch up with her until it was almost evening. Her consultant was obviously puzzled by her behaviour, tried to catch her attention, to ask her about it privately. She shut him down every time. Finally he cornered her in her office.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you this morning Lisbon," he said.

"You didn't," she snapped.

"Well obviously I touched a nerve..."

"You couldn't just let it go," she whispered savagely as she rounded on him. "You couldn't just leave it alone. I asked you... All I asked was that you... This is my private life Jane! My family. My personal life is off limits to you. _This_ is off-limits."

Jane looked like he'd been smacked. "Okay," he said quietly.

Lisbon nodded, and slid a professional mask over her features. Jane was getting nothing from her today. "Now please go," she said curtly, when he made no move to leave.

"I just wanted to remind you of the good times Lisbon," Jane said desperately, obviously not quite ready to give up.

"Go," she said as emotionlessly as possible.

Minelli looked over at his companion. She was staring at one of the walls of her office, her hands balled into fists. "What did Jane's chocolate chip muffin make you think of?" he asked. "Not the good times I gather."

Lisbon shrugged and forced herself to relax. "Tommy, he, well he tried. He tried to do things right when we were kids, and then later. He tried to make my life easier, mine and his own. But then something'd happen and it'd just set him off. He couldn't control it. It was just who he was. He had an Irish temper and a lot of anger. He and my father could be like a powder keg. I was always the mediator. I knew he loved me, and he didn't want to cause trouble. But he just, I dunno, _forgot_ about the consequences I guess. When things were going okay, when I could see that he was trying, I used to take him out for muffins. All I could afford. And I wanted him to know he wasn't alone."

"That things were good," Minelli said. "So why were you upset when Jane left one on your desk?"

Lisbon shrugged. "Jane guessed right. Tom still slipped into alcohol abuse. I know it's a sickness, that there are hereditary factors, I know all that. I was still angry though. How could he be so stupid? We'd both seen what alcohol could do. But I never let him see that, or I tried not to at least. I just spent time with him for as long as I was living in-state. And we went out for muffins."

"So..." Minelli prodded, when Lisbon stopped talking, preferring to stare at herself, trying to maintain her composure in her office.

"So, I started to feel like all I _had_ was muffins," Lisbon explained finally. It sounded crazy, but it was the truth. "That things were falling apart around me, and there was nothin' I could do about it. Just eat chocolate chip muffins because that was all Tommy could give me. When Jane left the muffin on my desk, I… I got that same slightly sickening feeling back. It was like it was reinforcing that everything and everyone around me would be insane. I'd try and fix it, but at the end of the day the only good thing I'd ever get was a chocolate chip muffin and an empty promise."

"Jesus Lisbon," Minelli said.

"I know…" she said in defeat.

"Jane meant to remind you that no matter how bad things got, you'd always have muffins," Minelli told her.

Lisbon sighed. "I know," she repeated. "But that didn't necessarily make it easier to deal with."

Minelli looked concerned at her apparent acceptance. "Teresa..."

"Don't," Lisbon said.

So her ex-boss changed the subject. Slightly at least. "How is Tommy now?" Minelli asked. "Have you talked to him since then?"

"I talked to him before I went to bed," Lisbon admitted. "He was better. Still sober, thank god."

"He thank you?" her boss prodded.

Lisbon looked over in surprise, "Yeah, how'd you...?"

"Kind of omniscient in this form," Minelli reminded her. "Did you have a muffin?"

"I thought about it," she said with a shrug. "Seemed like too much hassle though. He said he did though, so there's that."

"Maybe you should go and see him," Minelli suggested. "We both know that you've probably still got weeks of vacation time stored away."

Lisbon paused. "Maybe I will."

Minelli shook his head. He knew that tone. That was the diplomatic tone Lisbon used when she wanted you to stop talking, so she pretended to consider your request, when in reality she had no intention of complying. "At least have a muffin from time to time," her boss told her.

"Not the same on my own," she muttered.

"Take Jane," Minelli suggested.

"So he can ask me questions about Tom?"

"He's showing an interest!" Minelli shot back.

"He's prying," Lisbon corrected.

"You say potato… And he probably won't after what happened in your office."

"I doubt it. You know what Jane's like," she said.

"So, do you," Minelli said with a snap of his finger.

Lisbon watched as the bullpen rearranged itself.

"The next day, just before you left for the case" Minelli informed her cheerfully.

"Yeah," Lisbon said glancing around. "It was just another routine day at the office. So?"

Minelli gestured to a pair of employees from the Serious Crimes Unit.

Lisbon glanced around the bullpen, making sure it was empty but for the occupant of a brown leather couch. She walked up to it quickly. "Jane," she said loudly, hoping he wasn't asleep.

"Lisbon," he replied, obviously alert. Clearly he'd just been resting his eyes. "What can I do for you today? New case?"

"No," she told him. "Not yet."

"Ah," Jane said. "So something else then. Something I'm guessing you wanted to speak to me about alone."

Lisbon winced. "Yeah. Look, about yesterday…"

"You don't have to explain. Message received. Lisbon family relationships are off-limits. I won't make that mistake again," Jane said with fake-cheerfulness.

"No, well…" Lisbon hesitated. "It's not that… I mean, they _are_ off-limits unless I say otherwise, but that's not…"

Jane opened his eyes. "What then? Did I do something else to displease you?"

Lisbon felt like screaming in frustration. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "That's all. Go back to your nap." Then she walked briskly into her office.

Jane lay in shock on his couch for a second, before popping up and following her. He ducked into her office. "Hi," he said, closing the door.

"Hello," she replied dryly.

"I shouldn't have pried," he admitted. "You were right."

"I shouldn't have snapped," she said after a minute.

"Good, then everything's settled," Jane said putting his hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels.

"Guess so," Lisbon agreed, not looking up from her paperwork.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Jane asked when Lisbon didn't say anything else.

Lisbon glared at him.

"I meant like get you a cup of coffee Lisbon," he clarified. "Nothing more."

"Oh. No, I'm okay," she told him.

"You sure," her consultant asked in a wheedling tone. "I need some tea anyway."

The dedicated CBI agent hesitated, "Well…"

Jane grinned. "I'll be right back," he told her.

Jane was back shortly with two steaming mugs. Lisbon suspected Minelli had sped up time yet again, which she was grateful for. Doing paperwork was bad enough; watching herself do paperwork she'd already finished was ten times worse.

He set a mug in front of his boss. "Here you go," he said.

She sent him a tight smile. "Thanks."

Jane sat down across from her.

"What are you doing?" she asked after a moment.

"It's lonely out in the bullpen," Jane said. "Everyone else is busy."

"Whereas I'm perfectly free, no work to do at all," she said dryly.

Jane's face lit up. "Well why didn't you say so Lisbon? In that case I have the perfect way to pass the time." He took a deck of cards from his pocket. "Up for a little five card draw?"

Lisbon almost laughed. "Jane, you can't honestly think I'm going to start gambling with you in the middle of the CBI, in the middle of the workday?"

"Nah," he said with a grin as he started a few complicated shuffles. "It's just a few card tricks for fun."

Lisbon hesitated again.

"Come on Teresa," Jane said. "Take a coffee break. You could use it," he said sending her his most charming smile. "And I promise to go away and leave you alone after ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" Lisbon asked slowly.

"All you'll have to do is say the word and I'll be gone," he promised.

Lisbon glanced at her computer screen. She supposed she could take a break from budget reports. Just to drink her coffee. And she did need to make it up to Jane somehow.

"Alright," she said cautiously. "Ten minutes."

"Whatever you say," Jane said easily as he began dealing out the cards.

Lisbon watched his hands as he dealt for a second before something occurred to her. "Oh, where'd you go?" she asked suddenly.

Jane looked up," When?"

"Before," she replied. "This morning. I was looking for you. You weren't on your couch and you weren't making tea."

"Aw, did you miss me, Lisbon?" Jane asked in pleasure.

"Hardly," she scoffed. "But I wanted to talk to you, ya know…"

Jane nodded and turned his attention back to the cards. "I was up in the attic."

"Again?" Lisbon asked in surprise.

Jane shrugged. "It's quiet up there. Helps me think."

"And you think better up there than on your couch?" she teased.

"Sometimes," he admitted quietly.

"Hey, is something wrong?" she asked, touching his wrist.

"Why on earth would something be wrong?" Jane wondered.

"We'll find her Jane," Lisbon assured him after a brief pause.

"Sure we will," he said.

"We will," she insisted.

"I'm agreeing with you," Jane pointed out.

Lisbon smirked, "You don't believe me though."

"Can't help you there," Jane told her honestly.

After a brief pause Lisbon started again. "You don't think it's unhealthy to brood up in an attic all by yourself?"

Jane looked at her incredulously. "No less healthy than continuously slamming the door in people's faces when they ask how you are, both literally and figuratively I might add. How many times have you left this office today, Teresa?"

"That's different," Lisbon said defensively.

"Why?" Jane asked.

"Because it is," she snapped.

Jane almost smirked, "Because it's you?"

"Because I'm not fixated on a serial killer!" she shot back.

"No, you just insist on revealing nothing to anyone, no matter what," Jane agreed. "Also very healthy."

"Tommy's off limits Jane," Lisbon warned him. "I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's just the way it is."

"Funny," he said mirthlessly. "That's just how I feel about Red John."

Lisbon stared at him for a moment before running a hand through her hair. "So you always say."

Jane sighed, "Lisbon I wish things were different, I really do…"

"I wish a lot of things were different," she muttered.

That seemed to alarm her companion. He looked positively stricken as he watched the woman across from him play with her cup. He sighed. "I'll try and check in more," Jane said finally. "Let you know when I'm heading upstairs maybe."

Lisbon glanced at him. "Thanks. I'd appreciate that."

Jane grinned a false smile. "Why?" he asked. "You _did miss _me, didn't you Lisbon?"

"No!" she retorted. "I was worried you were up to something, that's all."

"I think you missed me," Jane repeated, mask firmly back in place.

"In your dreams," she said.

"Maybe I missed you," Jane suggested tentatively.

Lisbon took a drink of her coffee, before shrugging. "If that's the case all you had to do was come downstairs and find me."

"You were cranky," Jane reminded her.

"Actually I was trying to find you to…" Lisbon trailed off suddenly.

And Jane took full advantage, "To?" he repeated.

"To see where you were," she finished inadequately.

"You were trying to find me to see where I was?" Jane wondered. "That makes a lot of sense Lisbon. Just admit it. You wanted to apologize and to check up on me."

"That's my job," she told him.

"Lisbon missed me," Jane crowed.

"I did not," she denied again.

Her denials had no effect, "Lisbon was worried."

"No I wasn't," she insisted.

"I think you like me," her consultant said happily.

"Just deal your cards," she said, admitting defeat.

"As milady wishes," Jane told her with a grin.

"I do."

"How's your coffee?" he asked.

Lisbon paused. "You know it's just the way I like it."

"Good. Prepare to be amazed Lisbon," Jane said, turning all his energies into making her smile.

As Jane began to deal out the cards, the real Lisbon glanced at her former boss who was watching her intently. "What?" she snapped.

"Where would you like me to start?" Minelli wondered.

"I don't care," she said, still defensive.

"You missed him," Minelli observed.

"What?" Lisbon asked, summoning up a laugh. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Of course, what am I talking about?" Minelli agreed sarcastically. "You just searched for him, apologized, let him bring you coffee, and distract you from work because you felt guilty for snapping at him."

"And I knew he wouldn't leave me alone otherwise," Lisbon added.

"Please, we both know that's not true. You can always kick Jane out of your office if you really want to."

"Maybe I wanted to see a card trick, so I thought it was easier," Lisbon suggested.

"Maybe," Minelli agreed.

"Hey!" Lisbon defended, "People are always telling me I need to relax."

"And you're not at all concerned about Jane up in the attic," her ex-boss added.

"Of course I'm concerned about that!" Lisbon admitted. "Jane doesn't need to spend any more time brooding about Red John than he already does."

"Between the two of you, your team's gotten quite introspective of late," her companion observed.

Lisbon glared at her former boss, "Look," she said. "Jane's acting weird. And it's been slowly getting worse the longer Kristina Frye's gone missing, probably because with each passing day it's looking less and less like she disappeared willingly and more and more like something's happened to her. You know how Jane gets with Red John."

"You're worried about him." It wasn't a question.

"I'm always worried about Jane," Lisbon shot back. "He's on my team."

"I see," Minelli agreed readily. "So, you're allowed to worry about your team, but they're not allowed to worry about you?" he asked.

Lisbon scowled. "I'm…"

"Don't even think about trying to claim you're fine again," Minelli warned. This had been going on long enough.

"Sir…"

"Let Jane worry a little," Minelli told her, ignoring her attempt to interrupt. "It'll be good for him."

"And annoying as hell for me," she muttered.

"I think the lady dost protest too much," he said with a grin.

"What?" Lisbon asked.

"Look at yourself Lisbon," Minelli told her, gesturing to her office where she was still being amused by her consultant. "You're having fun, for the first time in days. You're having fun, because Patrick Jane decided to bring you coffee and cheer you up. We both know that's what he's doing. You knew it at the time. It's half the reason you were so damn prickly to begin with. Couldn't just acknowledge he was doing a nice thing for you."

"I indulged him in his card tricks for _ten minutes_," Lisbon attempted to justify.

"The two of you were still there twenty minutes later when Rigsby knocked on the door to tell you about your new case!" Minelli corrected. "I believe you may have even chuckled once or twice, in between desperately trying to figure out how Jane was doing what he was doing."

Lisbon stared at her shoe again.

Minelli rolled his eyes but continued. "I have to say Lisbon, and this is coming from someone who's well aware of just how crazy Jane can be, that in that scene I just saw he didn't look particularly crazy. That looked like two people who were just relaxing for a minute in each other's company. Some might even call them friends."

Lisbon glanced away again. "Yeah well, that was a good day," she said finally. "And I was probably having a temporary fit of insanity. That's all. Jane and I aren't friends… not really. And there's not much I can… I mean… oh hell."

"Lisbon," Minelli said indulgently. "Do you _want_ to be friends with Jane? In the flashing fits of insanity you apparently have on the good days?"

Lisbon didn't answer.

"It's okay to want to be friends with people, Teresa," Minelli reminded her as he tried not to laugh. "One might say healthy even."

"Alright, you've made your point," Lisbon grumbled.

"Why do you think Jane seeks you out so much?" Minelli asked her.

"He's worried about me apparently," Lisbon muttered.

"Yes, and it couldn't _possibly_ also be because even the great Patrick Jane gets lonely and wants a friend too sometimes," Minelli said sarcastically. "I think it's fairly obvious who he'd choose, given the choice."

Lisbon glanced at her former boss.

"You're worried he's using you," Minelli said softly. "Fine. Maybe part of him _is_ trying to make you come around on Red John, exploiting a friendship so that you're more likely to do what he wants."

"You know, you're really selling this whole 'friends with Jane thing' _sir_," Lisbon said scathingly.

"Did it ever occur to you that a friendship might work both ways Teresa?" Minelli asked, ignoring her tone. She glanced at him sharply. "Oh yes, Lisbon. That's right. What if you were the one manipulating him? You make friends with Jane and change _his _mind. Bend him to _your_ will. If he has the possibility to influence you, you have an at least equal possibility to influence him. When did you decide that Jane winning this particular battle was a foregone conclusion?"

Lisbon paused. "Oh god…"

"And he already cares a quite a bit about you," Minelli pointed out cheerfully.

Lisbon didn't reply, too distracted by her own whirling thoughts.

"Why don't we go see what he got up to this evening?" Virgil said after a moment.

"You always ask like I have a choice," Lisbon muttered.

"Well, it's nice to give you the illusion of control," he agreed.

"Yeah, I _really_ appreciate it," she said dryly.

The scenery changed quickly to the bar of the hotel the team was currently staying at.

Jane was sitting alone at the bar staring morosely into his glass, still half full of scotch, clearly mulling something over. Lisbon had seen him in this mood more than once in the office, usually on his couch. Surprisingly whatever he was deliberating seemed to be bothering him more than usual.

Lisbon was about to ask Minelli why they had to stand around watching Jane at a bar when suddenly her consultant's solitary musings were interrupted. "Hello there," a brunette woman sitting a few stools over said in a friendly tone.

Jane turned and sent her a half smile. Brunette, attractive, early forties. Currently single but he was betting probably recently divorced, in town for a business trip. He raised his glass in greeting.

The woman seemed to take that as encouragement. "Mind if I move down?" she asked.

Despite his mood Jane wasn't completely against the idea of company and a bit of conversation. "Not at all," he said with a half a smile.

"You in town on business?" the woman asked.

"Yeah," Jane admitted. "Just finished actually. Leaving tomorrow. You?"

"Mm hmm," she said with a smile. "Just got here. Consulting on a legal case. Tax law," she explained with a grin. "I know it's not very exciting."

Jane shrugged, "Could be worse," he told her. "Actuarial sciences, mortuary work and dentistry seem like they'd make for less interesting conversation. I'm..."

"Oh let me guess," his companion said sizing him up.

Jane leaned back, and nodded, clearly interested in her game. "So?" he asked after when she didn't say anything for a minute.

"Some sort of sales," she said eventually. "Not cars though, maybe... real estate?"

Jane grinned. "Actually I consult for the California Bureau of Investigation," he explained.

"Really?" she asked clearly sceptical.

"Does this look like the face of someone who would I lie to you?" he asked with a grin.

She grinned back. "Yeah, I think it does," she admitted.

Jane shrugged good-naturedly, "Well, I'm not."

"What type of consulting do you do then?" his companion prodded, obviously trying to keep the conversation going.

"Murder cases mostly," he said with another shrug. "I observe people, notice things, and then I tell the police about them."

"Well, it sounds more interesting than tax law," the brunette admitted. "You any good at it?"

"Very good," Jane said confidently.

"Very modest as well," she said with a grin.

He grinned back.

"I'm Melissa," she told him offering a hand.

"Patrick," he said taking it.

"So Patrick," she said leaning back. "If you notice things about people what have you noticed about me?"

Jane turned, "Well, you're flirting with me," he started.

"Very observant," she said with a laugh, blushing slightly.

Ten feet behind them Lisbon scowled to herself. She got enough of watching Jane flirt with women every day. She didn't see the point in disturbing her sleep to see him do it some more.

"You're in tax law, and you're pretty good at it too," Jane continued. "The fact that you haven't tried to subtly show off a swanky watch or earrings suggests that money isn't your primary object. No desire to show off excess wealth. My guess, you work at a smaller firm. Not because you couldn't hack it at one of the bigger ones, but because you don't want to. Don't like the pressure. Plus, a smaller firm gives you more free time to spend with, I'm guessing, your kids. You were married, but you're divorced. Fairly recently. The way you fiddle with your hands gives it away. The fact that you're not annoyed by my guess suggests that it was fairly amicable. You've been thinking about maybe getting back out there, trying to meet someone, which is why you decided to try your hand at flirting a bit with the man sitting alone at the bar, despite the fact that I haven't exactly been all that encouraging. But then again, you also have no intention of this going anywhere, which is why you're not put off by my wedding ring, which you did notice by the way. But you also figured, hey, what's wrong with sharing a drink with a stranger?"

"I'm impressed," Melissa said pleasantly. "Though I'm also glad I don't have to work with you on a daily basis. Your colleagues must have pretty thick skins."

Her comment made Lisbon smirk.

Jane winced, "Well, they're cops."

"But you missed something in your analysis," Melissa told him. "I didn't just come over because I thought it would be fun to flirt with a handsome man."

Jane sent her a slow smile, "So why did you come over here?"

"You looked lonely," she said. "Upset, maybe worried about something, or someone, trying to decide if you should call her or not would be my guess."

Jane looked surprised.

"I go to a lot of conferences," Melissa pointed out. "And I'm recently divorced remember? I know that look. Fight with your wife?" she asked.

"Colleague actually," Jane admitted.

Lisbon was momentarily surprised by that, though given how her evening had been going she almost wasn't sure why anymore.

"And you thought he didn't care," Minelli whispered to her.

"It's easier to care about consequences once they've already happened," Lisbon said slowly.

"Oh, pay attention, and stop being so stubborn would you?" Minelli told her. "There's no one here that matters but you, remember?"

Melissa had paused. "Colleague?" she said in surprise. "Female?" she guessed.

"Yeah," Jane admitted absently. "Oh," he said, when he realized what she probably thought. "No, it's not like that. We're just friends... well, sort of. I don't know."

"I know I sit at a bar brooding over someone I'm just friends with all the time," Melissa said sceptically. "Does your wife know?"

Jane coughed. "Uh, widower actually."

His companion winced, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said quickly.

She shook her head, "No, I..."

Jane cut off the second attempt at an apology. He wasn't in the mood. "It was a while ago," he said with a wave of his hand.

Melissa decided to change the subject, "So tell me about this colleague."

"Why?" Jane asked in curiosity.

"Because it's bothering you," she said in a tone that implied the answer was obvious. "And I know when things were bad with my marriage I found it helped to talk about it. You don't look like you have too many people to talk to, so I'm passing it forward."

"She's, she's complicated," Jane said slowly.

"Most women are," Melissa told him.

Jane grinned, "Most smart women at least."

"Please tell me you didn't read her like you just did me," his companion said with a flash of understanding. "Because I can see how that would get annoying. I mean, it's bad enough as a first impression, but all the time… Oy. Besides, I don't care how good you are, you're not always right."

"I... she's hard to read sometimes," Jane admitted. "It's what makes it fun. But she doesn't like it when I do it."

"Can't imagine why," Melissa muttered.

"She's mad at me," he said, apparently out of the blue.

His new friend grinned. Now they were getting somewhere. "Why?"

"Because I lied to her," he replied.

She nodded, "that seems like a good reason."

"Well, I didn't actually lie to her," Jane clarified after a moment. "I just let her think something was true, to make her do something she wouldn't have done otherwise, something that she really didn't agree with. And now she's upset."

"Why'd you make her do it if you knew she wouldn't agree?" Melissa asked, while wondering if maybe the best solution to this case wasn't actually talking, but a good smack to the back of the head.

"To solve the case," the apparently clueless man said.

"Did it work?" she wondered.

"Yeah," he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

"But would there have been another way?" she asked.

Jane squirmed a bit, shuffling his shoulders, feeling a bit like he was being cross-examined. "Nn-yeah, but this was faster."

Lisbon rolled her eyes behind him. Minelli smirked.

"Was it a big deal, the thing you tricked her into doing?" his companion pressed.

"I didn't think it would be," the consultant admitted slowly. "But it turned out it was to her."

"And now she's mad at you," Melissa summarized.

"Yeah," Jane agreed.

"She feels betrayed."

Jane nodded.

"Did you try apologizing?" Melissa wondered.

"I don't think she believes me," Jane told her.

"Why not?"

Jane paused, "My methods at helping her solve her cases may often be... unorthodox."

"HA!" Lisbon said loudly. "Understatement of the year."

"Hush Teresa," Minelli said. "And do try and pay attention."

Lisbon grumbled, but did as she was asked.

"In other words, you do this to her all the time," Melissa was saying dryly.

"Not _all_ the time," the blond defended. "And we _do_ solve cases, which she's said more than once is all that she cares about."

Melissa rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to smack him again, "And you honestly believed that?"

"Hey!" Jane objected.

But she didn't care. It was time for some tough love. "Are you a moron?"

"No!"

"Right," she agreed in a calmer tone. "You probably just believed what you wanted to believe. So she's frustrated."

"Yeah."

"Why doesn't she just transfer so she doesn't have to work with you?" his confessor suggested.

"She wouldn't do that," Jane insisted. "She'd be more likely to try and throw me off her team. But she won't do that either. Not Lisbon."

His companion's eyes widened in surprise, "_She's your boss?_"

"Technically," Jane agreed. He didn't see what that had to do with anything.

Melissa sighed, "Well this is a nice simple scenario you've found yourself in Patrick. Well done."

"Thanks, you've been a big help," he said with a hint of a grin.

"So you're upset because you can't figure out how to get her to forgive you," his new friend said after a moment, apparently deciding there was no point in pointing out exactly why he was being an idiot.

"Not really," Jane admitted casually. "She'll forgive me eventually. She always does."

Lisbon gritted her teeth at that. Minelli smirked. "Patience Teresa," he said.

Lisbon decided not to bother with a response. Her ex-boss'd probably just laugh at her anyway. Still, she couldn't resist taking a swing at the back of Jane's head. She knew it wouldn't have any effect, but the attempted punch made her feel better. She ignored Minelli's snicker, though she did give a little stomp of frustration.

"Well, that's an arrogant thing to say," Melissa remarked.

Jane shrugged. "Do you really want to talk about this?" he asked suddenly. "I'm sure you could find more interesting conversation for your evening."

"I really want to talk about this," she assured him. "It's actually almost like therapy for me, hearing about someone else's personal problems for a chance. It's kind of making me feel a lot better about my own life right now."

Jane winced, "I don't want to..."

"I meant it when I said I recognized the look on your face Patrick," she repeated. "You need to talk to someone. And what's more, you want to. You're just a bit out of practice. Besides, who am I going to tell? We're probably never going to see each other again. If you're not worried about getting her to forgive you what are you worried about?"

Jane sighed, "Something's wrong."

"What do you mean?" Melissa asked, intrigued.

Jane searched for the right words. "When I used to do these things, she'd get mad. And she'd be mad for a while, a couple of hours, a day, maybe even a few days, it depended. But then afterwards, I don't know, she'd be Lisbon again. But lately, it's like she's upset, but she doesn't bother to do anything about it. Like she's given up because she thinks there's no point. She's just kind of, I don't know, _there_. And she won't even let me cheer her up."

His new friend leaned closer to him in sympathy. "Well if she's frustrated with you..."

"Yeah, but I wanted to take her to dinner tonight," Jane said. "At the restaurant down the street. You know, to cheer her up. They have live local music and they're famous for their cheesecake. Lisbon likes cheesecake. I had it all planned. But she wouldn't even let me apologize and make the offer. She practically ordered me to leave her alone."

Melissa winced, and tried to be tactful. "Maybe she didn't want dinner."

"But she won't let me cheer her up at all anymore. She used to let me make her origami, or buy her donuts, or a pony for her birthday. Little things, you know? But now I suggest going for coffee, or I bring her candy floss in the middle of the afternoon, or maybe a quick balloon ride around southern California on the way back from a case and she just shuts me down. Last time I brought her strawberries she smiled for maybe five seconds before it was back to business as usual."

His companion blinked, obviously distracted by what Jane considered _normal. "_A _balloon ride_?" she started to ask. Pausing, she shook her head, obviously deciding not to bother. "Has it ever occurred to you to try something more, I don't know, low-key? Maybe less disruptive? Sometimes simple really is the best way to go."

Jane shook his head. "Lisbon's life is all structure, I was trying to help her have a little fun."

"Maybe she doesn't trust you enough to do that," Melissa suggested gently.

Jane sighed.

_Ah_, Melissa realized. The heart of the problem. "Have you tried just telling her you care about her?" she asked.

"Ehm..." Jane hesitated.

"Oh boy," his interrogator said, resisting the urge to smack some sense into the man beside her yet again.

"Hey, that's not exactly something you just _say,_" Jane defended.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because!"

"Right," she said with a shake of her head.

"She wouldn't believe me anyway," Jane muttered half to himself. "If I just _said_ that, Lisbon'd think I was just trying to get around her, to lull her into false sense of security."

"And whose fault is that then?" Melissa asked, finally feeling like she was beginning to understand the relationship.

"You're really making me feel better here thanks," Jane grumbled.

"This'll make you feel better in the long run," she told him with a wave of her hand. "Plus, did it ever occur to you that she doesn't like your crazy ideas because she's always waiting for some sort of disaster to follow? Especially if professionally you make her want to tear her hair out on a regular basis?"

"Are you sure you're not a psychiatrist?" Jane wondered.

"I'm a woman," Melissa reminded him. "We spend time discussing bad relationships."

Her comment seemed to especially irritate Jane. "My relationship with Lisbon isn't a bad relationship!"

"You aren't even sure if the two of you are actually friends!" she pointed out.

"Yeah well, I tried telling her that I'd be there for her," Jane muttered. "That she could talk to me, but she never ever does. Not unless she absolutely has to. And it's not just me. She doesn't talk to _anybody._ I just wanted to make her laugh, take her out to dinner, take her mind off things. But she wouldn't come."

His companion almost laughed at the expression on his face. If he wasn't so genuine it'd be almost comical. "Maybe you need another approach."

"Maybe," Jane said after a moment.

"I think you should tell her," Melissa prodded. "She might not realize what you're trying to do. I sure as hell wouldn't."

"I don't know," the consultant said slowly.

"Tell her you're just trying to make her happy, that you want to be friends. She might like that more than you think."

"Maybe," Jane said again.

Melissa paused and tried another tack. "It sounds like something's going on in her life, something that's not about you."

"I know something's going on!" Jane agreed unhappily. "Something's not right. She's not Lisbon anymore."

"Then you need to stick by her, because she probably needs a friend," his temporary advisor told him.

"Hm."

"And hey, if it doesn't work out you can always give me a call," she said after a moment, trying to cheer him up a bit. "You're cute, and in a few months I might be ready to actually consider doing more than just flirting with you at a bar."

"Thanks," Jane said with half a laugh.

"Hey, no problem," she said sincerely. "I've always been a sucker for a clueless guy trying to win over the girl."

"It's not like that between us," Jane insisted again. "We're colleagues."

"I know," she told him.

Not long after that the pair lapsed into small talk, and seemed to fade into the background.

Minelli looked at his companion. She was staring very intently at the floor again. He suspected maybe she had been for a while. "Lisbon, he said softly."

She turned towards him, and he was surprised by the vulnerability on her face. "He's actually really worried," she said softly.

"A lot of people are," he admitted. "I know I would be if I knew the half of it."

"I need to think about stuff I guess," Lisbon admitted again.

"Guess so," he agreed.

"I find it ironic that you're encouraging me to get closer to Jane by the way," Lisbon said to her ex-boss.

"Well, at the very least some metaphysical manifestation of me is," Minelli acknowledged. "Remember, the real me's fast asleep right now."

"Oh how I wish that's where I was," Lisbon said.

"Oh quit your complaining Teresa, it's for your own good. Besides, Jane could be worse. And I don't know why you think I don't like him."

"I don't know, maybe it was all those times you called me into your office and threatened to kill him for something," Lisbon said sarcastically.

"Well yes," Minelli acknowledged. "But that was always case-related. I don't think he'd actually intentionally hurt you. He's careless, but you're smart enough to deal with him. And he's not all bad. He _is_ trying."

"Hm."

"You're not," Minelli reminded her.

"You've made your point," Lisbon growled.

Minelli grinned. Excellent. Things were finally penetrating that stubborn brain of hers. "Would you like to go back to your hotel?" he asked.

"And wait for whoever the hell's going to show up next?" Lisbon asked, still feeling a bit defensive and exposed. "Why not?"

"That's the spirit," Minelli said cheerfully, not offended in the least.

"Pun intended?" Lisbon asked, grinning in spite of herself.

"Obviously," he told her as he brought her back to her room. After a moment he spoke again. "Lisbon, remember what I told you the day I retired? About Jane?"

"Yeah, that if he stepped out of line I should shoot him," Lisbon said with a laugh. "Don't know why your opinion changed so much between then and now."

"It didn't," Minelli insisted.

"Coulda fooled me," his favourite agent said dryly.

"Shoot him, argue with him, keep him in line convince him you're right. All ways of saying the same thing," her boss pointed out.

"Sir…"

"No, I'm not gonna allow that some fake psychic is anywhere near able to take down the best agent I ever trained. I have my pride Lisbon," he said gruffly. "So fix it! That's an order."

Lisbon's heart gave an almost painful thud. God she missed having a boss she knew would always be there for her. "Got it boss," she said after a moment.

"Now, I better not have to come and do this again Lisbon," he said, his tone annoyed.

"I said I got it," she insisted.

"Good," Minelli nodded. "And call me from time to time would you? I'd like to hear what you're up to."

"Yeah, yeah…" Lisbon said with a wave of her hand. "You could always call me you know."

"I suppose," he agreed. "Well, then goodbye Teresa. I guess I'll see you in the real world."

"Bye," she said, glad that there wouldn't be a lingering goodbye.

She flopped back down on her bed and glanced at the clock. Only five minutes until ghost number three.

Awesome.

xxxxx


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

xxxxx

Lisbon lay down on her bed and closed her eyes for a minute. This certainly wasn't the relaxing evening in her hotel room that she'd been hoping for when she'd decided to try and get an early night. Even if it hadn't been all bad, being visited by apparitions was fairly emotionally draining. Plus she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little apprehensive (okay, kind of dreading) her last ghostly visitor of the evening. Well, she hoped it would be her last at least. She just prayed that whoever or whatever was playing the part the ghost of Lisbon future didn't feel the need to wear a black hooded cape and carry a scythe.

Suddenly something in the room changed. Lisbon wasn't sure how she knew exactly, she certainly hadn't heard anything, but something was undoubtedly different. Lisbon sat up abruptly and looked at the end of the bed. "Ma'am?" she said in surprise, not quite believing her eyes.

But it was true. Madeleine Hightower (or something that looked exactly like her) was standing in her hotel room smirking at her.

Lisbon got out of bed. "So you're my last spirit guide," she said slowly. "Well, I guess it makes sense. You, Bosco and Minelli were all my supervisors. Wasn't quite expecting you here, though."

Hightower didn't say anything.

"So," Lisbon said conversationally after a brief pause. "Does this mean that you won't remember any of this tomorrow either?" she asked.

Hightower still didn't say anything.

"Right," Lisbon said finally. "Guess you might not know. I'm guessing this is the part where we go and see scenes showing me what my future will be if I don't change my ways."

Hightower gave a brief nod.

Lisbon was confused. "Ma'am, forgive me for asking, but, can you talk?"

"Yes, Lisbon," Hightower told her, "I can."

"Oh," Lisbon said awkwardly. She wasn't exactly at ease with her new boss at the best of times. This was downright _weird_. "Okay."

"Shall we go?" Hightower asked.

"Sure," Lisbon said almost in relief. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Hightower snapped her fingers and the hotel room disappeared.

In its place the Serious Crimes bullpen took shape.

Lisbon saw herself walk into the room. She had slightly longer hair, but other than that she didn't look much different.

"Jane, did you insult Senator Hodgins' aide yesterday?" Future Lisbon asked her consultant.

"Oh probably," Jane said honestly.

Future Lisbon's shoulders slumped. "Of course you did," she said softly. "Right, well, that's just great."

"We're trying to solve the murder of a state employee. The aide was trying to impede our investigation Lisbon," Jane justified.

Future Lisbon opened her mouth to say something before closing it again. "Oh, whatever. You know what? I don't care. I'll fix it. You just have fun lying on your couch all day."

Jane looked over in surprise, "Lisbon…"

"Just drop it Jane," she told him. "Go back to sleep. I'll be in my office if anything comes up."

"It's an interesting task, trying to keep a semblance of control over someone like Jane," Hightower remarked to her companion. "Interesting new tactic you chose."

Lisbon winced, but didn't reply. She had an idea where this was going.

Sure enough, a series of scenes shuffled around her vision. She saw herself (in a variety of professional hairstyles) interacting with her consultant.

"Go away Jane, I'm too tired to deal with you right now."

"Don't worry about it Jane. I'll fix it. That's my job."

"Jane! What did I tell you about helping me? I don't need your help and I certainly don't want it!"

"No, I don't want you to play some kind of fixed… carnival game with you right now. I don't have time."

"My brothers are fine Jane. I'm going to see them this Thanksgiving. Don't look at me like that. I am!"

"You want to destroy your life? Go ahead. See if I care. Just try not to take me down with you while you're at it if that's not too much trouble."

"No, I don't want tea. Go hide in your attic while I clean up your mess. That's all you ever do anyway."

"I've been having a rough couple of months," Lisbon muttered to Hightower, feeling a sudden need to justify her behaviour.

"That took place over the span of a year and a half," her boss informed her with a smirk.

Lisbon knew she couldn't interact with any of visions, but she wondered if she could punch her ghostly companion. Although, given that the Hightower apparition was the only thing that could take her back to her hotel room it probably wasn't a great idea. She settled for muttering about there really being only so much one person could take.

"Yes, well," Hightower said. "The dynamic of the team definitely changed. But then, so did the team itself."

"What?" Lisbon asked, confused.

"Agent Cho was the first to leave," Hightower said almost cheerfully as the scene around them shifted again.

Lisbon could see her future self working in her office. She'd guess it was a couple of years later, if the last set of rapid-fire visions had taken place over the course of a year and a half. Suddenly Cho knocked on her door.

"Hey Boss," he said.

Lisbon looked up, "Hey Cho," she said pleasantly enough. "What can I do for you?"

Cho walked into the office. "Just had a meeting with Hightower," he told her without any preamble. "I've been offered a promotion, my own team down in L.A."

Lisbon froze in momentary surprise. Then she smiled. "Yeah, Hightower told me you were up for that one. Congratulations. I assume you're accepting."

"Yeah," he admitted. "I like working here of course, but…"

"But you always wanted to run your own team someday," Lisbon finished for him. "I get it Cho."

"Yeah, I thought you might," Cho admitted.

Lisbon almost smiled. "Well, we'll miss you around here obviously," she told him.

"Will you?" Cho asked.

Lisbon looked surprised at the question. "Of course," she said after a moment's hesitation.

Cho nodded.

"When do you leave?" Lisbon asked after a brief pause.

"End of next week," Cho said.

"We should do something," Lisbon said softly.

Cho shrugged. "Not a big deal," he told her. "I know you don't like making a fuss."

"Still," Lisbon said.

"Alright," Cho agreed. "Whatever. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know."

"Of course," Lisbon said. "Thanks. And seriously congratulations."

"Thanks for the recommendation." He replied. "I learned a lot from you Lisbon," Cho said after a moment.

Lisbon smiled. "You're a good Agent, Cho. You get the job done."

"So do you," he pointed out. "It'll be different working without Jane I admit."

Lisbon gave a hopeless little laugh, "That might be a good thing."

"Boss," Cho said, apparently making a decision. "Can I give you some advice?"

"Sure," she told him.

"Request a transfer," Cho said bluntly.

"What?" Lisbon asked in shock.

"You're different than when I first started here," Cho told her. "Really different. The team's different too. This job is destroying you bit by bit."

Lisbon couldn't help wondering if her soon to be ex-second in command's real (but unsaid) message was, _Jane is destroying bit by bit_. Or maybe that was just her own secret paranoia surfacing. Cho'd always been pretty inscrutable anyway. She shook herself to clear her head.

Lisbon sighed. "I worked hard for this job, Cho."

"I know," he agreed.

"This is _my_ team," she said firmly.

"I suppose it is."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked in irritation.

"Nothing," Cho said quickly.

Lisbon sighed, "If I go he won't last a month."

"Not your problem," Cho reminded her bluntly.

"It is," she insisted softly.

"Because you make it your problem," Cho explained. It sounded like he'd been keeping this opinion to himself for a while. "He spends most of his time in the attic anyway. You know he's getting worse as time goes on. Maybe it's time to look out for you, Lisbon."

"I am," Lisbon assured him.

"You sure?" Cho asked, clearly not believing her.

"Yes."

"You happy?" Cho wondered, trying a different tack.

But Lisbon was fairly good at interrogations herself, both giving and receiving them. "Is anyone?" she countered.

"Fair enough," Cho said with a nod. "But most people at least try."

"Cho," she warned.

Her second in command seemed to realize he shouldn't go any farther. "Okay Boss. It's your life."

"I _will_ miss you Cho," Lisbon assured him.

"I'll miss you too," Cho said, his voice as deadpan as ever. But she knew he meant it.

"We'll keep in touch?" Lisbon asked tentatively.

"Sure."

"Okay."

"I'm going to go finish up some paperwork," Cho said after a moment.

"Fine," Lisbon said with a nod. "I'll talk to you later. And congratulations again."

Cho nodded back, and with that he was gone.

Lisbon sat down, bowed her head briefly, then abruptly back to work.

Present-day Lisbon glanced at Hightower who was still, very irritatingly, smirking.

"_What?_" she asked finally.

"You didn't honestly expect him to stick around forever, did you?" Hightower asked.

"Of course not," Lisbon snapped. "Am I happy to lose a good team member? No! But this sounds like a great opportunity for Cho."

"I'm glad you feel that way," Hightower told her. "Because he's not the only one on your team who takes advantage of an opportunity that comes their way.

More scenes flickered past quickly. A bad case, Rigsby getting shot, thankfully the vest taking most of the blow, the next day Van Pelt cornering him in the office and kissing him senseless. Then Lisbon saw herself back in her office, looking just a little bit older. It seemed a hint of grey was creeping into her hair and the bags under her eyes seemed far more permanent than they had been. It was definitely a bit weird to see the change in herself.

Then came the expected knock on the door.

This time it was Van Pelt, as Lisbon knew it would be. The junior agent smiled apologetically and handed her boss a request for a transfer to Crimes against Children. There was an opening on the team and it would let her stay in Sacramento.

"I'm sorry to spring this on you boss," the redhead said awkwardly. "It's just that, Wayne almost died. And I realized that I still care for him, love him actually. And I know he still loves me. This is what I want now. I want to give it a fair shot, and now that I'm willing to give up just as much as Wayne to have it…"

"I get it Van Pelt," Lisbon assured the other woman quickly.

"It's not that I haven't loved being on your team," Van Pelt assured her. "I just didn't want to wake up one morning and realize that I didn't have anything in my life except this job," she explained. Then she paused as the blood drained from her face. "Oh god. I didn't mean... I mean, you've got things in your life."

Lisbon smiled, but it was obviously an effort. "I get it Grace," she said again. "Everyone makes their own choices. I made mine, and I'm happy with them, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend them to anyone else," she told the agent who was no longer going to be her rookie.

Van Pelt looked relieved, if still a little contrite. "Yeah," she admitted. "I've always wanted kids and a family. Not sure how that's gonna work with this job..."

"Hey, if anyone can do it, it's you," Lisbon told her awkwardly.

"Thanks," Van Pelt said with a smile.

"And good luck on Crimes against Children. Johnson's a pretty good team leader," Lisbon told her. "I'm sure you'll be just fine."

"I doubt he'll be as good as you were," Van Pelt told her sincerely.

Lisbon tried to wave it off.

"Seriously boss," Van Pelt added. "I've learned a lot, so thanks."

"It was my pleasure," Lisbon told her. "And hey, you're still stuck here for two weeks. Maybe I'll see if I can teach you another thing or two."

Van Pelt smiled. "Yeah, and I'm not leaving the city or anything, so we'll still keep in touch, right?" the younger agent asked, looking hopeful.

"Right," Lisbon said with a nod. "Sure."

Van Pelt didn't look convinced, but she let it slide. "Thanks again, Lisbon."

"Seriously Grace, good luck, and congratulations," Lisbon told her. "You deserve it."

Van Pelt nodded again before leaving the office.

Seconds later Jane walked in. Lisbon couldn't help noticing that he'd lost a lot of the spring in his step. He was still handsome, but you could see the years on his face. The mask was a little more apparent, the haunted look lingered a bit closer to the surface.

"Well, two down, only one to go before almost all the original team is gone," Jane told her.

"That excludes me _and _you," Lisbon pointed out.

"Oh come on Lisbon, we both know neither of us are going anywhere," Jane told her.

Lisbon shrugged. "You never know," she said.

Jane brushed it off. "You're just saying that because after talking to Van Pelt you're wondering if maybe you should make a change. But we both know in the end you probably won't. Admit it. Neither of us is ever going to get a normal life."

Lisbon didn't reply.

Jane looked concerned when she didn't. "You've almost given up haven't you?" he asked softly.

"Jane, go away," she told him. "I've got paperwork."

"If you ever need to talk," he offered softly, slowly. Something about the way he said it made Lisbon think it was the first time in a while that he'd offered. Still, she was pleased the two of them seemed to still be civil.

"I don't," she snapped back.

Jane's face fell. "Course not. What was I thinking?" he said quickly, as he left the office.

Lisbon looked up briefly, just in time to see him go. Then she sighed and opened a nearby file.

"Have you?" Hightower and her perma-smirk asked present-day Lisbon. "Given up on a normal life I mean?"

"My life is fine, and none of your business," Lisbon snapped.

"That's got to be the worst evasion I've ever heard," Hightower told her in a casual tone. "Ah well. Even if you haven't yet. At the rate you're going, you will. This is almost five years from now, and you're trying your best not to think about it."

"What do you care?" Lisbon asked, clearly irritated.

"Contrary to what you might think Agent Lisbon, I do prefer it if my agents aren't completely miserable," Hightower told her. "Besides, productivity suffers that way."

Lisbon groaned. After all, if Hightower wasn't going to remember any of this, she saw no point in being polite. "Look," she said. "I pretty much _have_ to live for this job to keep Jane in line. I turn my back for two seconds and he's off insulting someone else. And after all, like you said, he screws up it all comes down to _me_. _I'm _the expendable one. Not Patrick Jane, _remember?_"

Hightower sighed, "You don't believe that."

"You do," Lisbon shot back. "What does it matter what I believe? You come into this job with your own ideas about how things should be run, and that's fine, that's your right. But you have _no idea_ how Jane operates. Not really. You've seen him up against Red John _once_, and don't try and pretend it didn't rattle you. It did. I've seen him there a half a dozen times now. How do you think I feel? I'm the one who has to be there to pick up the pieces. I was doing my best before you came along. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. Will I make more? Almost certainly. Is Jane a little bit uncontrollable? Hell yeah! And he probably always will be."

Lisbon stared the image of her boss right in the eye before continuing. It was probably the only time she'd ever get to say this to a Hightower in any way, shape or form, so why not take advantage of it? "If you think you'll be able to find anyone else who can control him any better than I do, you're _dreaming_," she said with as much condescension as she could muster. "He won't be any more cooperative with them. Actually, he'll probably be worse, because they'll try and make him do things, follow procedure, and they won't know how to go about it. And you certainly _won't_ find another person with my patience for him. He went through four supervisors in six months before Minelli paired him with me. Did you know that? Did you even bother to check? _I_ get Jane. _I_ can work with him. Most of the time at least. And yes, maybe he's been a bit out of control this year, but Red John broke into the CBI. He killed… Well, you know what happened. It knocked us all off balance. Hell, it's why Minelli retired. We needed time to process, to _grieve_," Lisbon explained, pleased when Hightower flinched just slightly.

"But I didn't get that," she added bitterly. Waving her hands to emphasize her point. "I got my job dangled in front of my face, the one thing I used to be secure in. Now I'm terrified I'm gonna lose that too. And I'm terrified that Jane's gonna kill Red John and I won't be able to stop him. I'm terrified that Red John will come and kill us all. I'm terrified that Red John will break my consultant, and he'll go mad, and Lord only knows what happens when someone like Patrick Jane goes mad. I don't even want to imagine it. He's too damn good at masks."

Lisbon paused for breath, and continued, though now her tone was less angry and more resigned.

"I was already terrified that I wasn't good enough to keep this together. I was already terrified that I was gonna lose everything in the end. I was especially terrified that if I was a better team leader that maybe Bosco wouldn't have been killed because I'd have already solved Red John, or maybe Rebecca wouldn't have been killed in the CBI building because we'd have figured out the second leak, or we'd have gotten a hold of that evidence, or we'd have found Christina Frye already. You think I don't see Jane slipping away? You think I'm not half terrified that he's spending all his time up in the attic? You think I don't _know_ that he lies to me? You think I don't know that my life is a mess? I'm holding on to everything as tightly as I can. And now, thanks to you, I know no one's got my back because you could care less about me _or_ my job. I'm a good agent, but I'm apparently not good enough for you. Fine, you want someone better? Good luck. With your little deal on one hand and Jane on the other they'll be on their way to the psych ward in six months too."

"Feel better?" Hightower asked after a moment.

Lisbon didn't reply, she'd deflated again.

"I don't want anyone better," her boss said finally.

Lisbon glanced at her, the resentment and disbelief obvious on her face.

Hightower sighed. "I saw what was going on in the Serious Crimes Unit. I'd read all your files, and I saw such potential. But I was concerned. I saw rules being bent and broken, a harassed team leader, two members of the team having an illicit relationship, and an apparently out of control consultant. And I thought, this could be great. Patrick Jane is an absolute asset, but he needs a couple of checks and balances. Then I got a brilliant idea. Obviously he knows he won't be fired; he's too good at what he does. And you weren't about to throw him off your team. That much was clear reading between the lines in your file. You're too loyal to ever do that Lisbon. I couldn't threaten Jane with his own job, but I had another idea. I'd threaten Jane with _you_. It's obvious that the only thing he cares about other than Red John is your team, even if he won't admit it to himself directly. That way I was the bad guy, not you, so your relationship with your consultant wouldn't get any more strained, and Jane is put under a measure of control."

"But…" Lisbon said, trying to wrap her head around what she was hearing.

"Ah," Hightower said, "You're confused. I admit I wanted to put a bit of fear into you as well Lisbon. I thought you'd gotten complacent. And besides, I figured you probably couldn't lie to Jane, so I could hardly bring you in on the plan. It seemed perfect. Except for one thing. You weren't complacent. That wasn't the problem. And it was also my error. I didn't take into account the year you'd been having so you didn't react the way I expected. I thought my ultimatum would cause you to fire up against your consultant and put him back in his place. That's what the Agent I'd heard all the stories about and whose file I read would have done. And then between your anger and my threats we'd be able to keep Jane in line. But you didn't fire up. You seemed resigned to your fate, didn't even put up a fight. You were half shut-down all the time, still are actually. And that's where it all went wrong. So I had no choice but to suspend you when Jane was still uncontrollable. It was either that or go back on my threat. And Jane doesn't need any more empty threats."

"What?" Lisbon said after a moment. "You… That's _isnane!_"

"It's not as insane as you might think," Hightower disagreed. "And I admit, I didn't fully understand the burden of Red John until Kristina Frye disappeared. I think that's something you have to see to fully understand."

"It is hard to explain to an outsider," Lisbon admitted.

"I'll say," Hightower agreed. "You're a good Agent, Lisbon. Don't let Red John ruin another life. I'd hate to lose you."

"Thank you Ma'am," Lisbon said awkwardly. Her head was swimming. She didn't know what to think anymore.

"Don't thank me Lisbon, fix it," Hightower said bluntly.

"I'll try," Lisbon promised. "Hey, is this you?" she asked suddenly. "I mean, I know you won't remember this, but I guess what I'm wondering is if this is what the real Madeleine Hightower thinks or if this is just something whatever you are is saying to make me feel better."

"This is real," her boss assured her.

"Then thank you, I think," Lisbon said.

"It doesn't change anything," Hightower reminded her. "I'm not going to remember this conversation for one."

"But I will," Lisbon interrupted.

"_And_," Hightower added, "I'm still going to hold you responsible for the actions of your team Lisbon."

"I never fought you on that," Lisbon reminded her.

"No, I guess you didn't," Hightower agreed. "Though you haven't been fighting for much of anything lately."

Lisbon shrugged.

"And for Christ sakes!" Hightower added suddenly. "When we get back put in for two weeks vacation immediately. You've got an insane amount stored up, and you need a break. You need a couple of weeks away from this place and I'd really rather not have to suspend you again to make you get it. For one I'm pretty sure Jane would sabotage me or my office or maybe even my car in ways I don't even want to imagine, if he didn't just drag you back himself."

Lisbon laughed before she could help it.

"You're the one other thing he cares about," Hightower told her. "You and your team. I thought I could use that to control him. Obviously that didn't go as planned."

"Apparently not," Lisbon agreed.

"And I would point out, I think that's the first time I've ever seen you smile," her boss added as an afterthought.

"Yeah well…" Lisbon muttered.

"I'm not the only one who won't see you happy very often if you continue on down this path," Hightower remarked, turning Lisbon's attention back to her office.

Lisbon heard her phone ring, and saw herself answer. "Lisbon."

"Hey Teri," a male voice said on the other end.

"Steve!" Lisbon said happily. "How are you?"

"I'm well," her oldest brother told her. "Can't complain. Maddie and Kayla are doing well. School's going well. And Jenny's enjoying her new job."

"That's great," Lisbon said with a smile.

"Have you given any more thought to coming back east this Christmas?" he asked. "We'd love to see you and I know Jim and Leah and their gang would too."

"Yeah," Lisbon waffled. "I'm not sure how much time I can get off…"

"Yes you are," her brother interrupted.

"Steve!" Lisbon said in shock.

"Teresa, you've barely spoken to any of us in months," Steve admonished. "And you haven't visited in over two years now."

Lisbon began to justify her absence. "Look, I'm busy, the job..."

"That's crap and you know it," her brother snapped. "Jimmy even called Tommy to see if he was having better luck, you should be happy about that." Then Stephen Lisbon sighed. "We're just worried about you Teresa, that's all. Please, don't shut us all out."

Lisbon didn't know what to say, "I…"

"Come for Christmas," her brother wheedled. "Doesn't have to be long. Just a few days. I don't want my girls growing up not really knowing their awesomest aunt. Heck, if you want I'll even invite Tom over. If you can take the time out of your busy schedule to visit then I'm sure we can make nice for a few hours."

Lisbon's resolve wavered, "Steve…"

"We're getting desperate here Teri," her brother continued, sensing a possible victory. "I'd fly to you, but it's important for the kids to be home for Santa Clause."

Lisbon nodded. Every kid deserves to wake up to presents on Christmas morning. "I understand… I… you'd really call Tom?"

"Yes," her brother promised. "If it'll get you here."

"I'll think about it," Lisbon promised in return.

"_Teresa…" _her brother said in warning.

But his sister wasn't about to cave that easily, even if she was feeling emotional. "I'm sorry, I... look I have to go, but I'll talk to you later."

"Sure you will," Steve said sounding defeated.

"_I will!_" Lisbon insisted.

"Right," her brother replied, not bothering to contradict her. "Goodbye Teresa."

Present day-Lisbon looked at Hightower. "I'm not even speaking to my brothers anymore in the future?" she asked her companion. "What about my nieces? Or... I don't understand, why would I stop speaking to everyone?"

Hightower didn't say anything. She just smiled her irritating smile.

Then she snapped her fingers and another montage started.

Lisbon watched the scenes shift again. She, Rigsby, and the two agents she had to assume had replaced Cho and Van Pelt were moving in and out of the bullpen. It seemed like almost every second time the scene shifted one of them seemed to as well.

"We lost Finnegan," Lisbon saw herself say to Rigsby.

"I'm not surprised," Rigsby said. "That guy had his head stuck so far up his…"

"I get it," Lisbon interrupted with a smirk.

"Plus Jane hated him," Rigsby added.

"And it was mutual," Lisbon agreed. "That's two new team members in as many years."

"Hey, not everyone can hack Patrick Jane," Rigsby told her.

"Speaking of Jane," Lisbon said. "I'm assuming he's…"

"Upstairs," Rigsby finished for her. "Where he always is."

Lisbon winced, "Thanks Rigsby."

"No problem boss," he replied.

Lisbon couldn't help noticing that her future self _didn't_ go upstairs after Jane as she'd expected herself to. Instead she turned into her office and shut the door.

More scenes flickered past. Though Rigsby remained a constant presence, Jane was in the bullpen less and less frequently. Then when he did show up he looked terrible. The wrinkles around his eyes were even deeper. His hair was positively wild some days, and he had the beginnings of a beard permanently around his chin. But what worried Lisbon the most was his eyes. They were getting deader and deader while her own expression seemed to get harder and harder. The snatches of conversation she heard weren't much better.

"Jane! Did you _walk out_ of a meeting with the Attorney General?"

"Jane! Two separate judges called me about you being held in contempt in their courtrooms!"

"Jane! If you want to hide in that damn attic obsessing all day long that's fine with me. I'm not going to do a thing to stop you."

"Jane, just go away. I'll deal with it."

"Jane, how nice of you to actually join us downstairs."

And Jane's responses weren't much better: "Yes, Lisbon;" or "Of course, Lisbon;" or "As you wish, Lisbon," or "Heaven forbid I ask you a question about yourself, Lisbon," and once, and worst of all, "Wouldn't want to cause you any _trouble_, Lisbon." All with the slightest sarcastic edge, until even that disappeared and his voice was dead, hollow.

Lisbon saw her interactions with Jane disintegrate to mere civilities. Nothing that wasn't to do with the job. Any hint of the friendly, the playful was gone.

She _was_ shutting down, shutting everyone out. Jane was retreating into himself. And she was letting him.

"Your brothers weren't the only ones frustrated by your silence, Lisbon," Hightower told her. "Your consultant didn't understand either. And then he accepted it. Figured you'd finally decided he was the liability everyone else, including Jane himself, always thought he was."

"I…" Lisbon started to say, then she thought the better of it. "How did this happen?"

"How does anything happen?" Hightower asked rhetorically. "Gradually, of course."

"I didn't mean," Lisbon started to explain.

"You don't have to justify yourself to me Agent," Hightower told her. "One, I'm not really here. And two, no one who'd heard the particulars of your situation would blame you for putting yourself first."

"He looks terrible," Lisbon said absently, the physical change in Jane striking her the most strongly. He'd always been so put together, so apparently animated. Sure, a lot of it was only on the surface, part of the act, but it'd always been there.

"Well," Hightower told her. "People can let themselves go when they have nothing to live for. And he's been searching for Red John for years at this point. He's getting frustrated. Losing grip."

"So that's what I have to look forward to?" Lisbon asked. "Jane losing himself? Great, that really cheered me up."

Hightower made a tutting sound. "You must know this is only one of many possible futures. It is the one you'll get if you keep doing what you're doing of course."

"So this is _my_ fault?" Lisbon asked defensively.

"Fault?" Hightower repeated, sounding genuinely puzzled. "Of course not. There's no fault, just cause and effect."

"Great," Lisbon muttered.

Hightower smirked. "You said you kept Jane around because he had nothing else in his life but the CBI, and you told Cho that he'd go mad without it," Hightower told her smugly. "You didn't honestly think it was the institution itself that was keeping him tethered to reality, did you?" she asked.

Lisbon turned sharply, "Wha-?"

"And I'm sure you didn't really think that you could start ignoring your friendship without it affecting him?" Hightower asked, her tone patronizing.

Lisbon didn't bother saying she didn't think it would have mattered that much to him. Instead she focussed on something else. Anger at her ghostly guide was less painful anyway. "So you _are_ saying I did this?" she retorted.

"Of course not," her boss said airily. "Like I said, this isn't your fault."

"But it is a direct result of my actions," Lisbon asked doggedly.

Hightower just shrugged and smiled that smug smile Lisbon hated so much. "Yours and other people's," she said finally. "And it could be worse…"

"How?" Lisbon asked. "We both look miserable, like we're stuck in some sort of limbo. And we're dragging Rigsby down with us. Plus, I apparently have less of a life than I have now."

"You may wish you hadn't asked that question," Hightower told her immediately.

With a snap of her fingers the scene changed again.

Lisbon saw herself running into a dark building, her team plus an inordinate amount of backup following close-behind. A sense of dread began to grow in the pit of her stomach. She knew what this was. And Hightower was right; she didn't want to see it.

Someone broke down the door and various law-enforcement personnel started clearing the building room by room.

Lisbon watched herself go through a door at the end of the hall. She entered a large room, but this one wasn't clear. She wasn't alone. There were two bodies clearly visible in the room's centre.

One was an unfamiliar body, though Lisbon knew instinctively who it was, despite the presence of mask and cape. The first body was also very clearly dead; the second was her consultant. Both of them were covered in blood.

Lisbon saw herself run forward, towards her consultant. "Jane!" she said, hearing the panic in her own voice. "I need medical assistance in here!" she yelled.

She heard Rigsby enter the room behind her, swear, then call an ambulance.

"Jane," Lisbon repeated, her voice breaking as she got closer.

To her shock her consultant moved. "Lisbon?" he asked groggily. "Y'made it 'fore I thought you would," he slurred. "Thought I'd be gone…"

"You're not going anywhere," Lisbon told him, searching systematically for wounds. "We're getting help."

"I thought if I shot 'im in the leg, it'd incapacitate 'im first. Then I could cut'm up like I said I would," Jane continued as if she hadn't spoken. "But he got a couple 'a cuts in," he admitted. "Guess I wasn' quick 'nough."

Present day Lisbon instinctively left Hightower's side to move towards her consultant as well. She stifled her gasp when she saw the 'couple of cuts' Jane was referring to up close. Two large, deep gashes across his torso. She watched her future self take off her vest and triy to use it combined with Jane's clothes to staunch the blood flow.

Then Jane's eyes turned triumphant, and his voice grew momentarily stronger as he recounted what he obviously considered his greatest victory. "Still, I got more cuts in, in the end. He died nice an' slow Lisbon."

"Jane…" Lisbon heard herself gasp, clearly shocked at the hints of madness she saw on his face.

"He killed my family, an' all those women," Jane said, the light in his eyes dimming. "An' Bosco. Bosco tole me t'kill 'im y'know. I got the bastard n'the end, Teresa. _I_ _did it_."

"And who cares if he got you too?" Lisbon asked, tears springing to her eyes. "You _idiot_."

"S'okay Lisbon. I don't mind," her consultant said softly, "I didn't have anything else. Y'don't have to cry. Why're you crying? Did'n think you'd…" he trailed off.

"Why am I crying?" Lisbon repeated in shock. "Jane, Patrick…" words failed her.

Present day Lisbon watched the scene helplessly. She'd seen enough death in her line of work to know how this was going to end. "_Why did you show me this?_" she hissed at Hightower. "What could you possibly hope to…"

"You know why," Hightower told her matter-of-factly.

Lisbon decided she'd had enough of the woman and her superior attitude, and turned her attention back to the scene in front of her, hoping against hope for a happier ending. Even Jane in jail was better than this.

"An' now you can move on Lisbon, so tha's goo…" Jane was telling her boss softly.

"Jane…" Lisbon said in a panicked voice. "Jane, stay with me…" she said more loudly. "The ambulance'll be here soon," she promised.

But she got no response.

"JANE!" she yelled.

Behind her, Lisbon let out a cry of panic.

"Funny what happens when people don't have a tether," Hightower remarked idly.

xxxxx


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Here we go, next chapter. Sorry that the last one was so depressing, but it was kinda necessary. Should I maybe include some sort of warning? It's not really character-death, so I didn't, but I dunno. Hope this one makes up for all the angst. This is the big resolution, then there's one more chapter (for fun times), and an epilogue. Hope you like it!

xxxxx

Part 8

xxxxx

Lisbon sat bolt upright in bed gasping in panic. That's when she realized she was back in the hotel room. Everything was okay. She was in her hotel room, in bed, like a normal person. She wasn't traipsing around through her own life with apparitions who knew more than she'd ever wanted them to.

She was safe. Her friends were safe.

She just hoped she hadn't called out in her sleep.

Lisbon tried to get her breathing under control. She wasn't sitting alone in her office. She didn't spend her days not speaking to anyone beyond what was required for her job. She still talked to her family. Even apart from Tommy's phone call earlier in the week, she'd also called Steve and spoken to her nieces before they'd gotten their latest case. She reminded herself that Kayla was excited for a school trip to the zoo and Maddie had told her about a picture she'd drawn that she was sending Aunt Teri in the mail. She'd talked to her youngest brother the week before that; her nephews were full of stories about learning to play soccer, and Jim had sounded flurried but proud of his sons. And, and Rigsby, and Cho, and Van Pelt were all still on her team, and Jane… Jane was still alive. He was.

Suddenly she heard a knock on the door.

Lisbon winced. Guess she hadn't been as quiet as she'd hoped.

Shakily she got out of bed and looked out the peephole. She was originally surprised to see Jane on the other side, but then she reconsidered. Why would she was surprised by that? Especially after what she'd just seen? Lisbon unlocked the chain and opened the door halfway, trying to hide the fact that her hands were still shaking a little. Bad enough that she was sure her face was absolutely ashen.

"Jane? Is something wrong?" she asked her consultant softly.

Jane ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting between her face and the floor between them. He'd debated whether or not he should even bother her. But he'd been so sure he'd heard something coming from her room, something that, had it been anybody else, he'd have said sounded suspiciously like a scream. He hadn't been sleeping and… Well, he'd just needed to make sure she was okay, even if it meant her yelling at him for the second time that night. So he decided to knock softly on her door. If she _was_ sleeping then she probably wouldn't even hear it so it wouldn't matter, but if she wasn't, and she obviously hadn't been, then that meant something was wrong. And if something was wrong, well, then she might _need_... or, or maybe _want_ someone around.

"I was going to ask you that," Jane admitted, shifting slightly from side to side and not meeting her eye for more than a second or two at a time. "I thought I heard a… well, _something_ coming from your room. Are you alright?"

Lisbon flushed in mild embarrassment. "I'm fine," she stuttered. "I just..."

Jane wasn't sure whether he found her pathetic attempt at evasion endearing or irritating. He'd have teased her about it if she hadn't been so obviously upset. "Nightmare?" he asked softly.

Lisbon froze, trying to prevent her gut reaction, which was to deny it and slam the door in his face. After the evening she'd been having the last thing she wanted to do was make Jane thinks she was mad at him. "Uh..." she said, unsure of how to answer that question. "I'm sorry if I woke you," she finally settled on.

"I wasn't asleep," Jane assured her. "Insomniac remember? And it wasn't that loud. I doubt anyone else even heard you, but I'm in the room next door, and hotel room walls aren't that thick. Plus I was searching for something, anything to distract me. Besides, I wouldn't care if you _had_ woken me. I would have still wanted to make sure you were okay."

"_I'm_ fine," Lisbon assured him, her voice sounding stronger this time as a hint of a smile crept across her face. She couldn't help it. His concern was... reassuring.

"So you've said," Jane agreed quietly, unsure of what exactly to make of her demeanour. At least she seemed less frightened than when she'd first opened the door.

There was a lull in the conversation.

"I should," Jane started to say, at the same time that Lisbon said, "Do you want to come in?"

Jane looked surprised by the offer. "Yes," he admitted. He very much did want to come in. He didn't want to leave her alone quite yet. "Unless you don't want me to," he added quickly. "I don't want you to feel obligated to..."

Lisbon shook her head just as quickly, "No, no," she said. "I probably won't be able to sleep for a while now so..."

Jane slipped into the room and shut the door behind him feeling hopeful, for some reason or other. "What was the nightmare about?" he asked curiously.

Lisbon flushed. "I... Well..."

"You don't have to tell me," Jane hastened to assure her, afraid that any wrong move would have him unceremoniously dumped back out into the hall. "But I thought it might help."

Lisbon looked up at him, deciding not to answer the question directly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you today."

Jane shrugged, "I probably deserved it."

"No," she disagreed. "Well, okay, maybe. But, I've also been... I know I've been irritable lately."

"You're allowed," Jane told her gently.

"Still," Lisbon said, awkwardly ducking her head.

"It's okay," Jane assured her again. He wasn't so much upset about the yelling anymore, especially since she was acting more Lisbon-like. Actually, she wasn't acting Lisbon-like, but she was acting less closed off and less indifferent, which in his mind was a step in the right direction.

Lisbon sent him a half smile.

Jane watched her carefully, analytically. She _did_ seem more like herself in way, definitely less sad. But she still didn't really look comfortable, maybe even a little frightened. And she hadn't taken her eyes off him for more than a second since he'd showed up at the door, like she was afraid he was going to disappear any time. In fact, she'd looked almost relieved to see him, almost, hopeful?

"You're really here," she said softly. She reached out to him before remembering herself, blushed slightly and let her hand fall.

Jane decided if she wouldn't touch him, he'd make the first contact. For some reason she didn't seem to believe he was real. "Lisbon," he said softly, lightly taking hold of her elbow for a few seconds. "I know I said I wouldn't pry, but..."

Lisbon seemed fascinated by the place he'd brushed her arm. "I might tell you about parts of it sometime Jane," she told him. "But not tonight, okay?"

Jane was surprised by the tentative offer. He'd expected a flat denial. "Is there anything I can do? Can I get you a drink? A snack?"

"No," Lisbon said immediately. She didn't want food. What she did want was company; she wanted it almost desperately. And she wasn't ready for Jane to leave quite yet. He needed to stick around a little while longer, just until the slightly panicky feeling in her chest was under control.

"Seriously, there are vending machines down the hall," Jane pressed, repeating the offer.

"No!" Lisbon said forcefully. He couldn't leave. Jane in pyjama pants and a T-shirt with his hair all dishevelled was infinitely more attractive than Jane covered in blood and no longer breathing or Jane with madness in his eyes, lying beside a dead body and a bloody knife and wondering why she was upset that he was dying.

"Okay," Jane assured her soothingly. "Okay. We can just talk."

Lisbon nodded. Then she bit her lip. "Jane this is going to sound silly," she said suddenly.

"Try me," Jane said with a friendly smile, hoping to set her at ease.

"Do you mind if I..." she trailed off, holding a hand up towards him.

Jane looked confused for a minute.

Lisbon ran a hand down his arm.

"It seemed so real," she said softly. "If it was a dream. I guess it wasn't actually a nightmare," she admitted. "Not really. At least not all of it."

Jane slowly reached up and slid his hand down her arm and around her lower back, holding her lightly. She seemed desperate for some sort of physical contact. "Well, I'm real," he said softly.

She nodded slightly and dipped her head, moving a half a centimetre closer.

Jane nearly rolled his eyes in irritation. The hell with this. At this rate they'd still be standing exactly as they were in two hours time. Tightening his grip on her waist, he pulled her into a hug.

Lisbon stiffened immediately, but to Jane's utter shock she just as quickly gave an almost inaudible little gasp and wrapped her arms around his waist.

He was real. And he was warm, so very warm. She could feel his heart beating. And he was holding onto her like she mattered to him. This wasn't the oddly non-sensory dream world. She and Jane weren't cold, clipped and uncaring with each other. And he wasn't dead. There was still hope that she could save him. He wasn't quite doomed to misery. Though, Lisbon realized, he _may_ be concerned about her mental state now. She still hadn't let go of him. Reluctantly she loosened her grip slightly.

Jane did not. "Nuh uh," he told her, with a shake of his head. "Best medicine for a nightmare's a hug. And you haven't had your full dose yet," he told her.

Lisbon paused. "kay," she agreed before relaxing back into his arms. If he wanted to hold her, she supposed she could allow it. This once.

Jane smiled when he felt her rest her head back on his shoulder. It occurred to him that he could count on one hand the number of times he'd had this much physical contact with another human being since he'd lost his family. And that other human being always seemed to be with Lisbon somehow. Maybe he shouldn't be indulging himself in this sort of dangerous human contact, but this wasn't for him. This hug was for _her_. It was obvious _she_ needed it. Then he frowned. How upset _was_ Lisbon if she was allowing this? What was going on with the woman? He could make a guess about what the apparent nightmare had been about, but he'd rather not. He didn't like the idea that she had nightmares about that. God, maybe she was already too close. Maybe he shouldn't be here. But he couldn't leave _now._ Not when she was so obviously upset and in need of a bit of comfort. He absolutely refused to leave her alone tonight if she didn't want him to. He'd figure out the rest later.

After a while Jane pulled back slightly. "Do you still want me to stay for a bit?" he asked.

She nodded again, not meeting his eyes, not quite sure what to think anymore. Her mind was still a little muddled.

"Were you really going to take me out for cheesecake to cheer me up?" she asked suddenly, still staring at the floor.

Jane did a double take. "I was, but how on earth did you know that?" he asked playfully. "Or was that part of this mysterious dream?"

Lisbon shrugged.

Jane turned more serious, "I think sometime you're going to have to tell me about that dream of yours, dear."

"Hm," Lisbon said. So, at least what the Ghost of Lisbon Present had shown her was true. And she knew the past was. Which meant it had probably all been real. Okay. She, she could accept that, she guessed. Now she just needed to work on making sure that nothing she'd seen in the potential future actually happened. Which meant that her first order of business was to get her life and her friendships back on track. Actually, not just her friendships, really her entire life. She frowned.

Of course Jane noticed. "Something wrong?" he asked tentatively.

"You tricked me into lying to a grieving family today," Lisbon said slowly.

Jane winced. "Look Lisbon," he said. "I never meant to upset you this much. I honestly didn't think it would be as big a deal as it was. And I thought you'd appreciate a solved case. But if you want to yell at me some more, could you maybe do it later? I don't think the other guests will appreciate the volume at this hour."

"What?" Lisbon asked absently, half lost in her own thoughts. "Oh, no," she told him. "I wasn't going to yell at you. Though you deserve it."

Jane tried to look repentant. It wasn't too hard. Even if he didn't exactly feel bad about what he'd done, he did feel bad about how upset she seemed to be about it.

"I was just," Lisbon started to explain. Then she trailed off.

"Lisbon?" Jane prompted after a moment.

"Just give me a sec," she told him. "I'm trying to figure out how I want to word this. It's important."

"Okay," Jane said easily.

"I need to take back my life," Lisbon said finally. "I know it sounds clichéd and silly, and it's not exactly right, but it's the closest thing I can think of..."

"I get it Lisbon," Jane said quickly. He hoped he did at least.

"I can't have a consultant on my team who I sometimes feel like I can't trust at all, who I sometimes feel is trying to sabotage me on purpose. I know you're not," she added when Jane started to protest.

"_I'm not_," Jane repeated firmly. The idea that she could think he was caused him to feel an almost physical pain.

"And I actually think I believe you," Lisbon told him candidly. "It's a nice feeling," she admitted.

Jane shot her a half a grin then, and let out a quiet breath of relief. It was a start after all.

"But," Lisbon continued. "I still need to take back some control, and I'm not just talking about you here Jane. I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you, or something. I'm not... I just... Like I said, it's a lot of things, and I think you just kind of, inadvertently bring them to all the forefront sometimes. God, I'm making this sound like it's all your fault. It's really not. I mean it... Please tell me that you..." Lisbon almost growled in frustration.

"I think I understand, Lisbon," Jane said slowly. "It's okay. Take another minute if you need to. There's no rush. We've got time."

That remark seemed to please his colleague. "We do," she agreed, after taking a deep breath. "I need to start feeling like me again Jane. We've all had a tough year, for various reasons that I don't need to go into right now. You know what they are anyway."

"Yeah," he agreed softly. He did. Red John, her suspension, his prison stint, Bosco, Red John again, Rebecca, Stiles, their temporary joint kidnapping, Hightower, Kristina Frye, his kidnapping, Red John a third time... No wonder Lisbon was worn down.

"I thought I was fine with it all," Lisbon said. "I'm thinking maybe I'm not as fine as I wanted to believe. And that's okay," she said quickly to forestall any of his comments. "Because now I think I can _get_ fine again."

"I'm glad," Jane told her sincerely.

"You may not be when you've heard what I have to say," Lisbon said dryly. When Jane looked curious, she smirked. "I said I needed to take back some control, Jane," Lisbon reminded him. "There need to be some rules."

"Um..." Jane made a face. He wasn't so great with rules. It wasn't that he didn't want to _try_, but he really wasn't.

To his surprise Lisbon chuckled. "Oh, I know," she told him. "I've worked with you for a while Jane. I'm not going to be so foolish as to insist that you follow every protocol exactly as outlined in the CBI handbook. For one, that would sort of defeat the purpose of having you on the team, and for another you wouldn't do it anyway. No, I'm thinking more a set of a small number of rules that you are not to break, and if you do then there will be consequences Jane. Anything else I'll try to protect you from as before. But, barring serious emergency, and I mean serious emergency, not 'it'll make a task go by more quickly,' you don't break the important rules. Okay?"

"That sounds fair," Jane said slowly. "What are these rules?"

"I haven't actually thought them all up yet," Lisbon admitted. "I'm kind of winging it at the moment."

"Ah."

"There will be rules though Jane!" Lisbon insisted, her voice much stronger. "And if you don't follow them, there will be consequences. Maybe it'll just be me transferring, because I know Hightower loves you, but..."

"Don't transfer," Jane said quickly. "Think of your rules, and we'll try and come up with something, but... Please..."

Lisbon looked at him sternly for a moment, before her expression softened. "No using innocent members of victim's families as bait without running the plan by me first."

"With a corollary of no slandering victims to innocent loved ones without running it by you first I assume," Jane added.

"Sure," Lisbon agreed.

"I am sorry I upset you, Lisbon," Jane repeated. "I had no idea..."

"I know," Lisbon said.

"Do you?" Jane wondered.

"I do," Lisbon said with a laugh. Jane looked confused. "Also," Lisbon added, "No wilful disregard for your own life, or the lives of team members."

Jane needed to interrupt then. "Lisbon..."

Lisbon scowled. "Red John excepted when it comes to your life, if you insist," she conceded, knowing why he was about to object. "_For now_. But could you at least consider my point of view, even where he's concerned?"

Jane paused. Red John was always going to be a sticking point, but even then he'd never put someone else's life in danger. He didn't think at least. "I can live with that," he agreed after a moment.

"And no making me, or another team member think they're dying," Lisbon added.

"I actually learned that one already," Jane told her. "You punch hard."

"You deserved it," Lisbon said without remorse. "And try not to do something that makes me lose my job would you?" she added.

Jane did object then. "I _never_ meant for that to happen Lisbon. I swear. And I tried to fix it..."

"_I remember_," Lisbon said dryly.

"I kind of did fix it," he continued. "But I swear that getting you suspended was a mistake. I would never intentionally..."

"I know Jane," Lisbon assured him.

"So is that it?" Jane asked after a moment. "Are those all of your rules?"

"I think so," Lisbon said slowly. "But I reserve the right to amend them if something comes up."

"Okay," Jane agreed. "Do I get a say in this?"

"No!" Lisbon told him sternly. "My team, my rules. I'm not kidding about this Jane. Those are the rules. I don't think they're particularly stringent by any means."

"They're not," he agreed.

"And I'm gonna tell you now, Jane," Lisbon continued. "I swear I'm taking back my life. I know I've been a bit... complacent lately. That's done. If I want you to do something that you don't want to do, I'm gonna try and make you do it. You're not the only one who can be manipulative. This is _my_ team Jane, my life. And when it comes right down to it, it's all on me. Fine, I can deal with that. But you're going to have to deal with it too. And... what are you smiling at?" she asked, suddenly confused.

"_Hello_ Teresa Lisbon," Jane said cheerfully. "You really have no idea how happy I am to see you."

Lisbon stared at him in shock. Then she felt the blush rise to her cheeks and the reflexive smile. She ducked her head, before glancing at him again. He was still grinning inanely at her. "Feels pretty good," she admitted. "I'm not saying it's gonna be smooth sailing, and I may have a bit of a relapse from time to time..."

"I'll keep an eye out," Jane promised, still grinning affectionately. He'd almost forgotten this Lisbon. And he decided he'd do anything he could to help her stay this way, even if it made his life slightly more difficult. It'd also make it more fun.

"Okay," Lisbon said softly. "You want to see if there's anything on TV?" she asked suddenly.

"Okay," Jane agreed with a shrug, letting the change of the subject slide. This had been rather a long heart to heart for the two of them. "But there's nothing good on," he told her.

"I'm sure there's not," Lisbon agreed. "But I'm not sure I want to go back to sleep quite yet." Plus she was genuinely enjoying Jane's company now, and she wanted that to continue for just a little while.

Jane frowned briefly, remembering her nightmare, but he didn't bring it up again. "I probably won't be able to sleep either," he told her. "I'd just be doing the same thing in my room, so this is fine with me."

Lisbon sat on her bed, propped the pillows up behind her back, and gestured for Jane to sit next to her.

He did, though he was sure to keep a reasonable distance between them. No point in making her uncomfortable. Still, she'd never get to sleep where she was. And there was no point in both of them being half dead with exhaustion the next day. "You should get under the covers," he told her. "You look cold."

Lisbon rolled her eyes, but did as he said. She was slightly chilly after all. "What about you?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Jane assured her. Then he grinned, "Besides, the two of us sharing a bed Agent Lisbon? Sounds scandalous."

"I hardly think you're likely to seduce me in a hotel room if you wouldn't do it over a meal," she snarked. "But if you're worried about your virtue you can just toss the comforter over your legs. That way we'll still have the sheet and this scratchy wool thing between us."

Jane shook his head slightly, but did as she suggested. Lisbon picked up the remote and, after making sure the volume was turned way down, she started channel surfing. As expected, there was nothing on. Eventually she settled on an old sitcom rerun. After checking that her choice was okay with her consultant, the two of them started watching it in silence. Lisbon was really only half paying attention to the characters on the screen. Her mind was really occupied with trying to process her evening.

"Is this Saturday team bowling night?" Lisbon asked suddenly.

Jane glanced at her. "Think so," he said. "Why?"

"I want to come," Lisbon said.

Jane almost laughed. "Well, that's fine Lisbon. You're definitely permanently invited. Pretty sure that's why Grace asks you so very hopefully whenever one's approaching. I imagine when you actually agree this time she'll be over the moon."

Lisbon grinned to herself. "And I think I'm gonna take a vacation," she told him. "Sometime soon, maybe go and visit my brothers. Check in on Tommy, see my nieces and nephews, you know?" she asked him.

Jane as looking at her, his expression mildly confused again. "I think that's a good idea," he said slowly. "We'll miss you of course, but everyone needs a break from time to time."

Lisbon nodded happily, before turning her attention back to the television.

Jane was still mulling over what she'd said when she broke the silence again, "I have more rules."

Jane glanced at her. "Okay," he said cheerfully. "What are these about? Rules against irritating local law enforcement? Are they to do with interrupting interviews? 'Cause Madeleine's actually already got you covered there."

"No," Lisbon said quickly. "Nothing like that. These are... these are rules for our friendship."

Jane froze, utterly shocked. "I... What?"

"Well, whatever it is," Lisbon said, starting to babble, obviously uncomfortable. "I'm not sure what you'd call it. Maybe we're not friends. You do want to be friends don't you? Never mind. I'm sorry..."

"I want to be friends," Jane said forcefully, resting a hand on her shoulder to stop her babbling. "I'd like that very much." God help them both. But he couldn't say no to her. Not when he felt like he'd just gotten the old Lisbon back. Besides, part of him admitted that he wanted her friendship more than he'd ever be able to say out loud.

Lisbon relaxed, and let out a breath. "Okay," she said with a little grin.

"You said you had rules?" Jane reminded her.

"Yeah," she said. "I need to know that anything I tell you, anything I tell you after hours, you won't bring it up at the office. You won't use it against me. I can't always be worried that you'll, I don't know try to embarrass me with it later. I need to be able to trust you Jane," Lisbon said quietly.

"I would never do that Lisbon," he told her. "I would never intentionally embarrass you or make you uncomfortable. Especially not in public, and not about your private life. I know how much you value that."

"Okay."

"Let me prove it to you," Jane added, his tone persuasive. "Give me a chance. You _can _trust me Teresa."

"Okay," she said again, her heart thudding her chest. It was a leap, but it needed to be taken. Ghostly-projection-of-Minelli had been right, she _did_ want to be friends with Jane. And if she wanted to have any hope of keeping him grounded anywhere near reality, then he needed to know it. Not to mention, she kind of liked the idea of being able to trust Jane a little out of the CBI. Besides, if she could convince Jane that he wasn't alone in the world, it might help her believe that she wasn't either.

"I very much want to be your friend Lisbon," Jane repeated.

He watched as she bit her lip, a pleased smile on her face she shuffled ever so slightly closer to him. "That's nice Jane," she said with a yawn. "S'nice. Do you have any rules?"

"What?" He asked, completely taken aback for the second time in about two minutes. "I wasn't aware that I got rules."

"Not at work you don't," she told him blithely. "I get all the rules there. But it seems only fair that you get other rules."

"Okay," he said softly. "I really get other rules?"

"Within reason," Lisbon explained. "You certainly don't get unfettered access to my house or anything."

"Of course not," Jane agreed, still feeling a bit disoriented by the conversation. His Lisbon was full of surprises tonight.

"So do you have any?" Lisbon asked after a moment, as she shuffled slightly further down on the bed until she was half sitting, half lying down.

Jane considered her offer. "I think you have to let me drag you out the office at least once every couple of weeks, to relax. Even if it's just for an extra-long coffee break. And I want you to know that you can talk to me," he added.

"Okay," Lisbon agreed. "S'that it?"

Jane paused. "I can't think of any others at the moment. Can I get back to you?"

"Fine," she told him, stifling a yawn.

"You're exhausted Lisbon," Jane told her. "Why don't you go to sleep?"

"In a little bit," Lisbon assured him, as she burrowed ever deeper into the blankets. "Not jus' yet. 'Sides, you said you wanted to watch TV."

Actually, he'd said that watching TV sounded fine but there was probably nothing on. _She'd _been the one who'd suggested it. But Jane didn't correct her. For whatever reason Teresa Lisbon obviously didn't want to be left alone.

"Okay," he agreed. "But why don't I just turn off some of the lights?" he suggested.

"If you want to," Lisbon said sleepily.

"Okay," Jane said, getting out of bed slowly as possible, and turning off all the lights except the one closest to him by the bed. Then he sat down beside her again and threw the comforter over his legs.

"Thanks for keeping me company, Jane," Lisbon said when he was settled again.

"Of course," he replied. Jane watched her in concern. The woman was clearly terrified of being betrayed; he'd always known that. What he hadn't quite realized was that that was half the reason she'd shut down. But it was obvious that she was now somehow terrified that she'd gone too far and would now be completely abandoned. Why would she think that? Why was Lisbon suddenly so convinced everyone would just give up on her. And _why_ did she think he'd use her and hurt her and then not care about it? He remembered a conversation with another woman from earlier in the evening. "I care about you Lisbon. You matter," he whispered.

He wasn't sure if she'd heard him right away; she was half asleep after all. Then he saw her grin widen as she moved ever so slightly closer. "Okay," she whispered sleepily. "I'm sorry I..."

"Shh..." he whispered back. "Go to sleep. We can talk later."

"Kay."

"Hey Lisbon," Jane said suddenly.

"Mhm."

"The remote control in my room's broken," he told her.

"So?" she asked.

"_So_, it's more comfortable to channel-surf here," Jane explained, pleased he'd thought of an excuse that would let him stay in her room for the night. "D'you mind if I just watch TV here? I'll keep the volume low."

"No," she assured him with another grin. "I don't mind."

"I'll see you in the morning then," Jane told her.

"Yes, you will," Lisbon agreed, her smile getting even bigger, before she yawned again and adjusted positions again trying to get comfortable. One hand somehow ending up far closer to her consultant than it had been previously.

Jane turned his attention back to the television. He didn't give a damn about the remote obviously, and she knew it. But they both needed the excuse to be with each other right now. Even if they were going to try for a friendship, it was still in its infancy, and fragile.

Friendship with him was dangerous obviously, but he wouldn't leave her feeling completely abandoned. She was feeling adrift, so he'd be her friend. He'd help her find herself again. Jane silently promised both of them that. The world needed more people like her. And anyway, as competent as Lisbon was at her job, everybody needed a friend to sit and watch stupid television with them when they got lonely. Both of their personal lives were pretty screwed up; now that she'd taken a step out of her shell, he wasn't going to let her slam the door on people again.

She might need a friend even more than he did. He'd be there for her. Someone had to be.

Only thing was, how could he be there for her forever? He couldn't make that promise. The rest of his life was devoted to killing a murderer. Once that was done he'd probably either be dead or in prison. Both of those outcomes would leave Lisbon even worse off than she was now. Jane stared at the woman sleeping peacefully next to him. He... he really didn't like that outcome.

Not at all.

He didn't want to leave Lisbon all alone. And it was clear that no one else was looking after her, not if she was turning to her slightly insane consultant. She needed him.

But he also had to kill Red John.

Jane puzzled over the problem for a minute. He supposed there might be another way. A compromise of sorts. After all, he'd been planning on cutting up Red John slowly, thoroughly, and messily. If he did _that_ he'd almost certainly be caught and sent to prison. But, what if that wasn't how Red John died? What if the serial killer drove his car off a cliff? Or was shot anonymously in a dark alley? Or what if the body was never found? Hell, in theory he could even _hire_ someone to kill the psycho. Actually, he probably wouldn't have to pay anyone. There were probably hundreds of people, other victim's family members and the like, who'd be more than willing to undertake the job.

Sure, it wasn't his ideal revenge scenario, but if Red John died anonymously than Jane wouldn't end up in prison, and he'd still be around to keep an eye on Lisbon.

He'd have to think about it some more obviously, finalize his plans. And he was sure the woman next to him would be working against him almost every step of the way, but it was a good thought. This way, he and Lisbon could be friends _and_ he'd get his revenge.

Jane frowned. Only problem was, how would she realize he was going to be a permanent fixture in her life if he couldn't tell her about the change of his plans? And he most certainly couldn't tell her. That would defeat the object. Lisbon couldn't know about the murder. It would hurt her, not to mention incriminate her. Which meant he needed to find another way of convincing her he'd be there for her long term.

He glanced at the woman currently curled towards him on the bed. Well, he'd just have to figure it out as he went along. He was currently winging this, and he was sure there must be some sort of solution.

After all, the plan just needed a little bit of revision. He'd never needed to be alive at the end of it before. Now he just needed to have an afterwards. To keep an eye on her. It wasn't what he'd originally planned, but that was okay. He didn't really mind.

The sit-com ended and Jane started channel-surfing left-handed. It was slightly awkward, but his using his right hand wasn't an option at the moment. A much smaller hand resting lightly around his wrist was currently holding it hostage, and it didn't particularly want to escape.

xxxxx


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

xxxxx

Lisbon walked into the bowling alley with every appearance of confidence.

She wasn't actually late... Okay, _technically_ she was, but only five minutes. She'd been trying to get her living room tidied and had lost track of time. Oh well, she was sure it wouldn't make much difference. As long as her team hadn't given her up as a no-show. She scanned the room quickly.

"Boss!" she heard a voice call to her.

Lisbon turned gratefully to greet a smiling Van Pelt. She noticed Cho and Rigsby had already arrived as well. "Hey guys," she said pleasantly. They returned the greeting. "Sorry I'm late, got a bit distracted earlier."

"Don't worry about it," Van Pelt said cheerfully. "You're barely even late. And you beat Jane."

"Well," Lisbon said with a shrug.

"Anyway, I'm just glad you came," Van Pelt admitted, still quite cheerful.

"Yeah," Lisbon said awkwardly. "Sorry I couldn't come before but..."

"Oh, that's okay," Van Pelt hastened to assure her. She would have said more, but the rookie agent started to worry that she would make her boss self-conscious, so she dropped the subject. "We were just getting our shoes," she said instead.

"Makes sense," Lisbon agreed. "I may as well grab mine while we wait for Jane."

"Okay," Van Pelt said. "We'll be here."

Lisbon nodded and wandered in the direction of the shoe rental.

"You've got to calm down," Rigsby told the woman next to him. "You're gonna freak her out."

"I'm calm!" Van Pelt insisted. "I was just being friendly," she explained.

"You were starting to get the crazy eyes," Cho told her.

"Shut up guys. I just want her to have a good time," Van Pelt said.

"She will," Rigsby assured her. "If you calm down."

"Alright," Van Pelt said. "Hey, is that Jane?"

"The blond man in the three piece suit homing in on Lisbon like a beacon?" Cho asked.

"Right," Van Pelt acknowledged. "Silly question.

xxxxx

The line for bowling shoes was quite short. It took barely a minute before Lisbon was leaning against the counter waiting for the attendant to hand her the right size. Suddenly a second person dropped against the counter next to her.

"You made it I see," Jane said, his eyes twinkling.

"I told you I was coming," Lisbon replied somewhat indignantly.

"That you did," Jane agreed. "And even if you hadn't mentioned that, even at this distance Van Pelt's overall air of nervous pleasure would have given it away."

Lisbon muttered something unintelligible into the counter.

Jane leaned backwards against it after giving the kid behind it his shoe size. "They're just happy to see you," he assured her. "There's no need to be embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed!" Lisbon insisted.

Jane grinned, then he looked at her more closely. "No," he said slowly. "You're not are you?" His expression softened. "No need to be nervous either dear, we'll get you through it."

"Shut up," Lisbon said, before flouncing off with her shoes.

Jane grabbed his own shoes and set off after her.

The five of them gathered around a set of lanes. Jane arrived to hear the tail end of a conversation about the revised teams.

"Van Pelt, you guys can have Lisbon," Rigsby told her.

"You sure?" Van Pelt asked. "You don't mind uneven teams?"

"Nah it's only fair," Cho agreed. "You two need all the help you can get." Rigsby nodded at his teammate's show of confidence in their own bowling prowess.

Van Pelt sent them both a withering look.

"How'd you pick the teams?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"Flipped a coin," Rigsby told her. "Van Pelt lost."

"Yeah, Jane's terrible," Cho added.

"_Really?_" Lisbon asked, with what Jane personally considered to be far too much excitement.

"There's only so much Van Pelt can do with that much dead weight on her team," Cho explained.

"He gives it his best effort though," Van Pelt said cheerfully as she entered their names into the computer.

Lisbon sat down to tie her shoes. "Well, I can't _wait_ to see this."

"I'm not that bad," Jane said with a wave of his hand.

Three pairs of eyes stared at him in disbelief.

"Okay," he amended. "Maybe bowling's not my forte. I guess I'm a little rusty."

"I assumed you'd never bowled before," Cho told him.

Rigsby and Lisbon both snickered.

"Everyone's a critic," Jane said petulantly.

"Now I'm really sorry I didn't come earlier," Lisbon told him with a grin.

Jane slumped into a chair beside her while Van Pelt and Rigsby got up to bowl. He perked up momentarily though. At least Lisbon was having fun.

After a few frames Lisbon had settled in a little. She had to admit she was glad she'd decided to come. Relaxing with the team was a good idea. And bowling was something everyone could do, even if they couldn't do it _well._ Her three agents were holding their own though. Cho was actually quite a good bowler, something that didn't surprise Lisbon in the slightest. Rigsby was decent. He and Grace were fairly evenly matched. She was pretty good herself, though not as good as Cho. Jane on the other hand, was truly terrible. As in, it was an event if he managed to knock down more than two pins at once terrible.

"Hey Jane, we can see if they'll put in the bumpers in for you if you want," Rigsby called out to the consultant after yet another gutter ball.

"Aren't you afraid that'd give the rest of us an unfair advantage?" Lisbon asked, taking a sip of her coke.

"No," Cho said. "You and Van Pelt rarely have balls that end up in the gutter before the end of the lanes so it probably wouldn't alter your scores too much."

"Ah," Lisbon replied, grinning.

"Good try Jane," Van Pelt said encouragingly, having apparently taken on the unofficial role of team captain. Not that Lisbon minded. As Rigsby had said, it _was_ Van Pelt`s team. It seemed only fair given that the whole thing was her idea in the first place. Besides, it was nice to let someone else do all the organizing for a change.

"Yeah, you came really close to hitting one down that time," Lisbon added.

"You're enjoying this," Jane accused her.

"Absolutely," she said. "Something you're not irritatingly good at? You have no idea how happy I am right now"

"Well, I'm glad you're having a good time Lisbon," Jane told her. "But that's not what I meant. I meant this, in general" he said, gesturing around the moderately busy bowling alley.

"Yeah," Lisbon admitted. "I guess I am."

"They're happy too. I can tell," Jane assured her.

Lisbon looked at him, obviously amused. "Can you?"

"Yup."

"Well, at least you're better at reading people than bowling," she said after a moment. "And Rigsby's just happy because I bought the last round of fries," she shot back as she got up to bowl.

Jane smirked as he watched her go. He looked around. "How's it going Cho?" he asked across the group of chairs.

"Good," Cho agreed. "You?"

"Can't complain," Jane said with a shrug.

"Kind of mad I missed that last strike though," Cho added as an afterthought.

"There's always next time," Jane said cheerfully.

"I guess," Cho agreed.

"Speaking of next time," Lisbon said walking up to them. "You're up," she informed her consultant.

"Oh excellent," Jane said rising gratefully from his chair. "I'll do my best for the team ladies," he told his teammates. "But I can't promise anything."

"I can give you tips if you like," Lisbon offered.

"Is this going to turn into one of those things where you stand behind me and guide my arm while we both try and ignore the sexual tension simmering between us?" Jane asked.

"No," she replied with an amused snort. "But I suspect this is going to turn into me mocking you from about five feet away while I continue to take a perverse sort of pleasure in your not being good at something," she admitted.

"Ah," Jane replied. "I see your teaching method is based on positive reinforcement and raising self esteem."

"You don't need any more positive reinforcement," Lisbon shot back. "Now this time when you throw the ball, try and actually _look_ at where the pins are."

"Oh, is that what I've been doing wrong?" Jane asked, cheerfully sarcastic. "Why thank you Lisbon. You've been so very helpful."

"No problem," Lisbon said as she watched him walk up to the lane. "Please tell me there was nothing riding on the outcome of these games when you first played," she asked Van Pelt.

"Not after the first one," Grace informed her with a smirk. "Teams were so unbalanced the guys felt bad. So we only had to buy the one pizza."

"Well that's something at least," her boss agreed.

Both women winced as Jane threw another gutter ball.

"You think he's doing it on purpose?" Van Pelt wondered.

"The thought had occurred to me," Lisbon admitted. "But what would be the point?"

"Does he need one? Maybe just knowing something we don't?" Van Pelt suggested. "Jane always likes that."

"Yeah," Lisbon agreed. "But you'd think the pleasure of the secret would be cancelled out by the sheer humiliation of this."

"True," Van Pelt admitted. "Hey, he hit a couple down this time!"

When Jane turned around in triumph both women were all smiles and encouragement. He smiled pleasantly at them. "Thanks so much for your support ladies," he told them. "And as to whether or not I'm faking, well, I guess you'll never know."

Lisbon looked at him. "He's not faking," she said after a minute. "He's really just terrible."

Jane looked surprised at her observation.

"How do you know?" Van Pelt asked.

"I didn't," Lisbon said. "But he looked surprised when I said I did, so _now_ I really know that he's not faking. If he was faking he'd have covered better," she explained.

"What?" Jane asked, somewhat amused.

"She's right," Rigsby told him as he walked up. "I got another round of drinks," he said handing them around.

"Thanks," Van Pelt said, grabbing her sprite. "It's too bad," she admitted. If he wasn't faking we could've had a ringer."

"Yeah," Cho agreed. "You missed out on potentially winning a whole pizza, if we were still playing for anything at all."

"Better than nothing," Van Pelt said with a shrug.

"Y'okay?" Lisbon asked, nudging Jane in the shoulder as Van Pelt went to take her turn.

"You mean, is all this mockery wounding my delicate ego?" Jane asked. "I'm surprised you're asking Lisbon," he admitted. "I'd have thought you'd know how self-sufficient my ego is."

"Well, that's true," she agreed. "But I thought I'd better double check."

His eyes twinkled at her. "That's very considerate of you Teresa. But, I'm fine," he assured her. "Don't worry."

"Okay," she agreed before congratulating Van Pelt on a spare.

xxxxx

"I see Lisbon's turned the team's luck around," Rigsby said after the first game ended. "Don't know how the scoring's going to work now."

"Yeah, three against two seems kind of unfair," Van Pelt admitted.

"We could just include Lisbon and Van Pelt's scores next game," Cho suggested. "Guys against girls."

"And what am I?" Jane asked, "The poor patronized consultant?"

"You can be the cheerleader," Lisbon told him. "You're certainly pretty enough for it."

Rigsby was unable to contain the snicker into his beer. Lisbon grinned and handed him a napkin.

Jane appeared to be far too surprised to be offended.

Van Pelt looked at him appraisingly. "I don't know boss," she said. "He's got the looks, but the outfit needs work."

Lisbon glanced over. "We'll get him pom-poms for next time," she said with a shrug.

"Oh! Can they be pink ones?" Van Pelt asked.

"They can be any colour you like," Lisbon promised her. "You're team captain after all."

"You bring the pom-poms I'll bring the video camera," Cho suggested.

"Sounds good," Van Pelt agreed.

"Hey, when'd you get so good at the whole bowling thing Lisbon?" Jane asked, smoothly changing the subject, in his opinion at least.

Lisbon shrugged. "My parents used to take my brothers and me," she said with an air of studied indifference. "But I haven't been in a while." She walked up to take her shot as Van Pelt glared at Jane.

He raised his hands up in defence. How was he supposed to know? He was always telling them that he wasn't actually psychic. And how was he to know that bowling of all things would bring up potentially painful memories for their very private boss who'd just decided to start opening up again?

But Lisbon didn't seem to be too affected. After her turn she plopped down in the chair beside Jane again. "Hey," she said with a grin.

"Still having fun?" he asked her curiously. She seemed lighter, happier.

"Yeah," she admitted, nudging him in the arm. "Thanks for not giving up on me."

"Never," he told her. "We'd never give up on you."

"Well, maybe not right away at least," Lisbon said dryly.

Jane looked concerned.

"We can talk about it later," Lisbon promised him. "You know," she said after a minute. "Something like bowling, guaranteed to put me in a better mood than say, I don't know, hypnotizing the entire floor to wish me a good morning in an overly cheerful voice followed by a random animal noise. More trouble than it's worth. Simple really is best sometimes you know."

"Alright, that's it," Jane said. "You're seriously going to need to tell me..."

"What are you doing after this?" she asked.

"Well, nothing originally," Jane said. "But now I imagine I'm going to be doing whatever you're about to suggest."

"So, coffee at the place down the street?" she filled in.

"Do they have tea?" he checked.

Lisbon smirked. "Yes, Jane, like almost every coffee shop ever, I suspect that they do. And if they don't then we'll just have to find another, one that will even put the milk in first."

"You always put the milk in first," he remarked.

Lisbon shrugged, "Can't stand your whining if I don't."

"No, you just like doing things for people," Jane corrected. "When you're not cranky."

"Shut up," his companion said good-naturedly.

"Speaking of cranky," Jane added.

"Go take your turn," she ordered. "And remember, throw the ball straight and see if you can maybe _hit _one of the pins."

"Maybe if I had a little incentive," he suggested.

"Like what?" she asked suspiciously.

"I think you should buy me a cookie if I hit at least three pins down," he told her. "To go with my tea."

"I'll buy you two if you hit them all down," she promised.

He knocked down four. She gave him an exaggerated smile of praise, rolling her eyes when he demanded that his cookie be double chocolate chip.

xxxxx

Near the beginning of the third game Jane sat back and looked around. He liked to separate himself from the action from time to time. Made it easier to observe, to distance himself a little. He still hadn't figured out how that was going to work yet. He didn't want to pull back now, not when Lisbon was just starting to look happier. And he didn't want to make the team suspicious or worried, but he also needed to keep them off of Red John's hit list. It was going to take a delicate balance, and one he wasn't entirely sure how to achieve. That was why it was better to sit on the sidelines from time to time.

Cho and Van Pelt were both up bowling. At the moment they appeared to be discussing the likelihood of Grace picking up a spare. Cho didn't look optimistic, but Grace was certainly determined, which could count for a lot. Lisbon and Rigsby were sitting across from him arguing about baseball. Well, he thought it was baseball. It was definitely a sporting event of some kind that he personally didn't care about. Whatever it was, they both had very decided opinions but they also seemed to be enjoying themselves. Actually Lisbon had been cheerful for most of the evening. Ever since that night at the hotel she'd been... different. Jane could see her actively trying to reconnect with the people around her. It was... endearing. He knew her team had noticed a difference, though none of them had said anything to her, or to him actually, though he suspected they'd discussed it amongst themselves.

He wondered what had happened to prompt the change. Because it was clear something had. She was chatting with Van Pelt, checking in with Cho, and keeping a sporadic sarcastic commentary on the proceedings with Rigsby.

"What do you want to bet Cho's bowling form is absolutely perfect," Lisbon said to Rigsby, apparently tired of discussing baseball stats.

Rigsby watched his teammate bowl with a smirk, "Think he practices in front of the mirror at night?"

"Either that or he goes down to his local bowling alley to get some lane time in," Lisbon replied.

"Where he's a local legend, and the other bowlers are intimidated by him. That Asian guy who always bowls in the end lane but never speaks," Rigsby added.

"Our Cho's got a whole secret life," Lisbon said. "Think he owns his own ball?"

"Black," Rigsby guessed. "With _The Cho_ engraved on it."

Lisbon nodded with a grin.

"I don't own my own ball," Cho told them as he walked by, but Jane could tell he was amused.

"Then where did you learn to bowl?" Rigsby asked curiously.

"I was in a junior bowling league when I was younger," Cho told them. "Our coach always said form was the most important thing."

"Really?" Lisbon asked, seeing as Rigsby was too busy grinning like an idiot to reply.

"Yeah," Cho replied. "It's your turn."

"How's my form?" she called over her shoulder as she grabbed her ball.

"You need to keep your shoulders a little straighter when you release the ball," he told her.

"I'll see what I can do," she replied as she headed over the lane.

"So does this mean you own a bowling league shirt?" Rigsby asked his partner.

"My Mom threw it out," Cho admitted. "Course it fit me when I was twelve..."

"Right," Rigsby replied.

"Is it just me, or are those guys over there looking at us a little strangely?" Van Pelt said, gesturing to a group a few lanes over.

"They've been watching us for a while," Jane informed her, as he waved cheerfully to the group, all of who either looked away quickly or waved awkwardly back. "I suspect they're wondering why we're here. Especially since we've had a run in with that tall gentlemen on the left before. That murder at the park a few months ago if I'm not mistaken. He was innocent of course, though I suspect he's not entirely law-abiding."

"I thought he looked familiar," Van Pelt said after a minute.

"Yeah, well, they don't need to stare at us like we don't belong here," Rigsby said. "We've got as much right as anyone to kick back with a couple hours of bowling."

"Maybe they're worried we're all undercover," Jane said cheerfully.

"Or they just don't like us because we questioned some of them and put one of their friends in jail," Cho suggested.

"Well, that's possible to," Jane said. "Much less fun though."

"Just ignore them," Lisbon advised, joining the group.

"I hate when people look at me differently when they find out I'm a cop. It's not just criminals either. Other people do too," Grace remarked.

"Actually, you probably get a double dose because you're a cop _and_ a woman," Lisbon told her. "It's unfortunate, but you get used to it."

"It ever bother you?" Van Pelt asked.

"I can't let it bother me," Lisbon said gently. "Just gets in the way. I just pretend I don't notice it and move on. Comes with the territory."

"Plus, some people just don't like cops," Jane said cheerfully.

Lisbon rolled her eyes.

Van Pelt pouted, "It still sucks."

"Yeah," Rigsby agreed. "We protect the public. We're the good guys."

Jane caught Lisbon's eye and smirked. "God Bless us every one," he said before going to take his turn.

She laughed, as he'd expected her to.

She found him again after his turn. "You seem to be enjoying team bowling night," Lisbon remarked.

"What's not to like?" Jane asked. "Greasy food, good company, even the bowling itself can't ruin the experience."

"Yeah, it's nice being part of a team," Lisbon agreed.

Jane glanced at her in confusion. "You were always part of a team, Lisbon," he told her.

"I know. It's_ my_ team," she agreed. "But actually I was talking about you," she told him.

"What? I don't..." he said in confusion.

"I need you to work with me," she told him softly. "With all of us. I... well, I want you to as well. You can still be Jane too, but... Just think about it a little, okay?"

She got up to leave but he grabbed her hand to stop her. "I always try to..." he whispered.

"I know," she said. "But sometimes it doesn't quite work out."

"Sometimes it's better to be a cheerleader on the sidelines than to try and go for a strike you're ill-equipped to make?" Jane asked, smile back in place

"Something like that," she agreed with a grin.

"My being on your team may not be the best idea," Jane told her. "I'm certainly pulling you and Grace down tonight."

Lisbon shook her head. "You're our unofficial cheerleader," she corrected. "We need you."

Jane smiled softly. "You don't need me."

"Like having you then," Lisbon amended.

"For comic relief," Jane said dryly.

"Among other things," Lisbon admitted.

"This part of the new Lisbon?" he teased.

"Absolutely," she told him.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay?" she asked.

"I'll think about it," Jane told her seriously. Then more cheerfully, "Have to consider wardrobe stipulations and vacation clauses before I approve my contract."

"Go bowl," Lisbon told him.

"Yes ma'am."

Lisbon sat down and smiled to herself. It was a start.

xxxxx

"Alright, well, I should be going," Lisbon said as she reached for her jacket. "See you guys at the office."

Her colleagues responded with a chorus of "Later Boss," and "Night Boss."

Lisbon stopped, turned halfway back around and placed a hand on Van Pelt's shoulder. "Oh, this was a really good idea Grace. I had fun. Thanks for organizing it," she said somewhat quickly.

Then with a final wave, she shoved her hands in her pockets and walked towards the exit.

Jane grinned his mile-wide grin, patted a stunned-looking Van Pelt's arm, said a quick, "Good job Grace," and bounded after Lisbon demanding the cookie she'd promised to buy him.

She paused, glared at him indulgently, and waited for him to catch up.

Then they walked out together.

The other three watched them go.

"I told you she'd come eventually!" Van Pelt said to Rigsby suddenly.

"Hey, I always hoped you were right!" Rigsby said defensively.

"And she _did_ think it was a good idea," Van Pelt repeated.

"It was a good idea," Cho said, his voice completely deadpan. "Now that Lisbon's back maybe she can figure out what's going on with Jane."

"Yeah," Van Pelt said with a sigh, as she put on her coat.

"How long before she's up in the attic after him?" Rigsby asked.

"She'll be up there next case," Cho replied confidently.

"I'm just glad one of us doesn't have to talk him down from there now," Rigsby said.

"I hear that," Cho replied. With that the three agents left the bowling alley as well. It'd been a tough year, but the team was fighting their way through, one bowling match at a time.

xxxxx


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Alright, here it is. The Epilogue. This is the end. I have no current plans for a sequel as this fic was meant mainly to set up a close friendship and hint at stuff. This chapter takes place directly after 3.01. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to all my reviewers, including all those who logged in anonymously so I can't thank you individually. I hope you all enjoy the conclusion.

xxxxx

Epilogue

xxxxx

_Approximately a month later,_

xxxxx

Jane frowned to himself as he walked beside his boss. The Russo case was over. He'd been dragged into it against his will. All Lisbon's fault. It was also over a month since he'd last attended Team bowling night. Lisbon's first. Van Pelt was getting irritated with him for not showing up now. Lisbon was just concerned. And he was still no closer to figuring out how to come to any kind of balance where her team (or Lisbon herself) was concerned. He'd started trying to hide in the attic more often to impose some distance, but she kept coming and dragging him downstairs. Now she was yelling at him about betraying the team and telling him not to worry about protecting her because she could take care of herself. It was irritating. Not just because he _liked _trying to protect her. Actually, he also secretly liked it when she came up to his attic and hauled him downstairs again.

She was trying to be his friend still. He liked it.

But he couldn't tell her that.

Of course, he couldn't bring himself to leave her alone either. What if she got all depressed and withdrawn again? Wait a minute...

"Lisbon?" Jane asked suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you question?"

"Sure," she said. "But since when do you ask me permission beforehand?"

"Since you've gotten very argumentative all of a sudden," Jane explained.

"Oh _I've _gotten very argumentative have I?" Lisbon replied in annoyance. "What about you who randomly provokes our new boss because he sets you off? On television no less."

"Yes, but I've always done that sort of thing," Jane explained airily. "You weren't always this difficult."

"What's your question?" Lisbon asked, deciding to just ignore the rest of his comments in the interests of moving the conversation forward.

"Your speech, about pulling away and shutting people out, how it was a betrayal of the CBI family," Jane started to explain.

"Yeah?" Lisbon prompted when he didn't continue.

"Well, you don't find it at all hypocritical given how you were acting a few months ago," her consultant wondered.

Lisbon scowled. "And look how well that plan worked out for me," she pointed out.

Jane glanced at her.

Lisbon stopped walking and turned to face her consultant. "Look at me Jane. Compare it to me about a month ago."

"You do look happier," Jane said slowly.

"So the logical conclusion is…" she trailed off.

Jane sighed. "Lisbon…"

"I'm not gonna let you do what I almost did Jane," Lisbon told him. "I know what that's like."

"I'm dangerous," he reminded her. "It's not safe."

"And I keep three guns in my _car_, remember?" she asked. "I'm a cop Jane. Don't you dare try and protect me."

"Sheep Dip to my protection?" Jane asked with a half a grin.

"Damn straight," she said with a toss of her hair.

Jane smiled. Then he sighed, "Lisbon…"

"You said you wanted to be friends Jane," Lisbon reminded him. "_You_ were the one who said that means I could talk to you when things were bothering me. Well, if you really want to be friends that whole talking to each other thing has to work both ways."

Jane paused. He nodded. "Quite right Lisbon," he said eventually. "I hadn't considered that."

"No kidding," Lisbon muttered.

"So who was your Lisbon?" Jane asked.

"Hm?"

"Who pulled you aside and gave you your speech about loyalty and betrayal?" he asked.

She smirked. "An old friend."

Jane raised his eyebrows.

"Bosco," she admitted finally.

"Ah," Jane nodded. "Well that makes sense."

"It does," she agreed. "Now come on."

"Where we going?" the consultant asked curiously.

"It's a surprise," Lisbon told him.

"Yeah, well, is this another personal favour?" he asked. "Because I didn't really like the last one."

"Would you drop that?" Lisbon practically growled. "I already said that I wouldn't lie to you ever again."

Jane shrugged. "It does make life interesting when you do," he admitted. "And I suspect I put you in a bit of a tough spot."

Lisbon didn't answer. "This isn't a favour," she told him after a minute. "We're not going to meet anyone."

"Oh! A special private outing," Jane said cheerfully. "I'm assuming to cheer me up. Now where would you take me?" he asked rhetorically. "The fair? No, you'd be too afraid of what I might do. You'd never go for something so traditional as the movies. And I don't like all those sports games you watch to relax… I'm going to go with food. A snack. I'm right aren't I?"

"You suck the fun right out of everything don't you?" she asked indulgently. "What makes you think I'm not just taking you to a park for some peace and quiet?"

"I suppose it's a possibility. Or it would have been before you suggested it." When she rolled her eyes Jane explained. "The fact that you suggested it almost certainly rules it out as our true destination. Your concern for my health rules out a lot of the fun alternatives when it comes to food."

"You need to exercise more," Lisbon told him.

"Got down to that trash can before you could stop me," Jane reminded her. "I had to get over that wall too."

"I didn't want to stop you," she said dryly. "If you want to go disturb a ransom demand and almost get yourself shot…"

Jane waved a hand in her direction. "Meh. If you thought I was in any real danger you'd have tackled me before I got even halfway there," he told her confidently.

"Proving that I'm in much better shape than you are," Lisbon said with a grin.

"Tea?" Jane said, guessing their mystery location.

"Well, you can get tea if you like," Lisbon told him.

"Meaning that while they serve tea there it's not the primary object," Jane said softly. "I'm just going to guess the entire way Lisbon. Are you craving a bear claw?"

Lisbon sighed and gave in. "God you're irritating," she muttered. "I thought we could go for chocolate chip muffins is all. Now you comin'?" she snapped.

Jane stopped walking abruptly.

Lisbon turned. "Jane?" she asked.

Her consultant hesitated. "Lisbon can I give you that hug now? I'd mean it this time," he told her seriously.

Lisbon stared at him warily for a moment. Then her posture softened, and she stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. After a half a second Jane reciprocated, and pulled her close. Lisbon smiled when she felt his grip tighten. "No more hiding alone in the attic?" she asked softly.

"I like the attic," he countered as he pulled back slightly, unwilling to completely surrender both his argument and the brief physical comfort. "Gives me time to think. But I promise to try and come down more often."

"Okay," Lisbon said, perfectly willing to accept the compromise. "And you're coming to team bowling night. Van Pelt's still upset that you missed the last two."

Jane grinned, "Do you and Van Pelt still want a cheerleader?"

"Your pom-poms are waiting," Lisbon promised. Abruptly she stepped away from him. "Now come on. I'm getting hungry."

Jane smiled as he fell in step beside her. After a minute he spoke. "You're not going to try and sneak me a low-fat muffin or something?" he asked.

"No," Lisbon said in frustration.

"I think you're lying," Jane informed her.

"I'm not lying," she told him, her tone slightly irritated.

Jane grinned and continued to wind her up, "You say that, but you've started a trend now Lisbon and…"

"Still carrying a gun Jane," she warned him.

"With more in the car," he said with a nod. "I remember." He considered that fact for a moment, "I don't suppose we could walk to get these muffins."

"If you want," Lisbon agreed. "You could certainly use the exercise."

Jane's expression turned indignant. "You tricked me into this didn't you?"

"You're getting paranoid," Lisbon replied dryly.

"I'm not," Jane insisted. "I'm shaken by this new manipulative Lisbon. How can I be sure what to think?"

"Hazard of friendship Jane," she told him remorselessly. "I'm learning how to keep up with you."

"Well that should make things interesting," Jane said after a moment.

"Yup," his boss agreed.

"Lisbon?" Jane asked after a moment.

"Yeah?" she said.

Jane paused. "You ever read any Blake?" he asked quietly.

"A bit in college," she admitted, glancing at him curiously. "Why?"

"Because one of these days I think you and I might have to have a discussion about poetry," Jane explained.

Lisbon nodded, apparently taking the response for what it was. "Okay."

He wasn't ready to talk yet, but maybe someday. It was still unbelievably dangerous, but he was beginning to get the feeling that she'd find out somehow anyway, whether he wanted to her or not.

Maybe it was time to consider working together a little.

As a compromise.

xxxxx

The End


End file.
